Feeling Optimistic

Hey GottaMoveON, sounds like you want more control over your situations. Maybe you feel as if your powerless against your addiction. I suggest reading literature about porn addiction/sex addiction to inform yourself about addiction, how it works, why it is harmful and also reading relatable stories of people in the same situation. This information gives you power, to excess the situation, to take back control! As they say knowledge is power.
Book recommendation: Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson. (This website also suggest this book!)

I hope this can help! If not than hit me up for a chat.

 

This is something I’ve pondered for a long time and I don’t claim to have the answers. Just take these as ideas to consider which you may or may not want to learn from.

First thing I’d say is this. You’re right to feel optimistic because anyone can recover from porn addiction at any time. It’s not easy, but you’re never beyond saving with porn addiction. And I believe the traits that we learn in recovery make us better men than before being addicted. So, if you stick to recovery, it’s a net positive.

Women’s reaction to porn addiction in their partners is… unpredictable. Most women seem to experience distress over this when they find out, and some react in extreme ways, like becoming paranoid and obsessive about their SO’s internet use, or pushing their SO away for long periods of time, etc. These reactions may harm your recovery.

I honestly don’t know if telling her is better than not. My hunch is that it’s better to tell her, because she’s going to find out anyway, either by stumbling in on you or via PIED, and if you tell her you can choose the time and place to make the news sting less.

There are some spouses of addicts active on this forum who handled it maturely and who give decent advice, but I’ve heard so many bizarre stories here about SO reactions that, in my estimation, it’s a rare sort of woman who is capable of graciously accepting and helping a porn addicted man recover. So tread carefully, hope for the best, and prepare for the worst.