Flatline?

DeltaDelta10

New Fapstronaut
Hey everyone,
I am currently on day 18, my longest streak ever without masturbating or watching porn, and I'm having a bit of a rough time. I'm not in any danger of relapsing, but I am feeling pretty down about everything. I have been feeling extremely anxious and nervous about my future, mostly because I don't know what I actually want to do in the future (career wise). I also feel like I am miles behind everyone else my age (I am 19), even though I know it's not right to compare yourself with others like that...
I guess what I am trying to say is that these are my biggest issues/problems right now:
1. Believing in myself.
2. Having confidence in my abilities (for anything and everything).
3.Convincing myself there is nothing to fear.
I keep trying to tell myself that these anxieties and fears are just the result of a flatline, but I simply cannot believe myself. I am so afraid of this great big "future," and it is this fear of the future that it is crippling me now and destroying my present self. Every day when I wake up I start looking for something to grasp to, be it school work, exercise, reading, spiritual work, or journaling, and at first I feel like it's working. However, as it gets later in the day, I start to feel the storm come on again, and I lose control all over again. This has been going on for the last five days or so, and I just want to know if this is what "I am actually like without masturbation" or if this is "the dying screams of my masturbation addiction" (so to speak).

-the last sentence above is basically what is going on in my mind at every moment, sort of like a divergence of thought or something. I will have about 50 anxious thoughts that put me in fight or flight mode, then I will somehow conjure up a voice of reason that lasts for fifteen minutes, then it is back to the 50 anxious thoughts and being in fight or flight.
Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. I really need help getting through this storm.
 
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