Going on a 50 day streak

Hi Joe.
I have a similar situation about the sexy girls you see on the street. No pmo for 67 days. video game, cigarettes, drugs, fantasy, etc. nothing. but I can't help looking at the hot girls on the street. do you think i should see this as p substitution? how do you see this? Do you think this is natural or something that needs to be stopped? I don't know if this is an artificial source of dopamine. I'm definitely not fantasizing after looking at it. Should I view this as a p-sub? I'm curious about your opinions. I congratulate you for this beautiful series. good luck buddy.

 

Day 11 finished starting day 12

 

Greetings!

I'm feeling really lost once more. I had an amazing streak going on until recently when I started dating a girl who pulled me away from my previous life and made me enjoy every minute of it, yet here I am again. Nonetheless, I'm confident that if I strive hard enough, I'll be able to surpass this and achieve the successes that I set out for myself.
s.

 

Day 75

Felt sad and depressed which led me to feel an urge to obsessively Google and have a peek to PMO material. Didn't peek. Instead I took a walk and spoke about it with the GF. I figure it's withdrawal from PMO and switching gears from having always done what I wanted and now choosing for my recovery. For me, it's helping others that I don't have time for anymore and I feel horrible by saying no when being asked. This makes me sad, depressed and feeling useless, but I'm confident that this will go away.

Furthermore, I'm still finding ticks all over my body from my forest adventure a day ago. 9 ticks and (probably) counting while my GF had 0.

Work-out:
Took a long walk and did my workout.

Netflix:
Watched my hour of Netflix, Fubar. Easily digestible.

Meditation:
Did two sessions and spent 25 minutes meditating. Session 1 was Wim Hof breathing and session 2 was a relaxation meditation.

PMO Study:
Finished Dopamine Nation. In the back of the book, the writer lays down the chapters, as if it is a plan that you can follow. Really recommend this book, as it gives a very good understanding of the tenacity of addiction. We also need to deal with our hunger for Dopamine and deprive ourselves of it, in order to get our life back.

Sleep:
Spoke things through with my GF and went to bed late

 

No, it's not a p-sub. It's your brain looking for stimuli.

As you are on this journey, you have decided that it is 'bad' to ogle at women on the street. And because you're doing something 'bad' and something 'sneaky', you get this surge of Dopamine when you secretly look. It's not allowed, so it's exciting by default.

Allow yourself to look freely. But try to ask yourself what then attracts your gaze. What do you see objectively? Hold the door closed for fantasies, as they often rear their ugly head when something is bad, sneaky and secret.

Good luck!

 

Day 12 finished

 

Day 76

Felt good yesterday. Picked up antibiotics, as I had a total of 11 tick bites. The doctor thought it to be a good idea to give it to me out of precaution. Spoke things through with the GF which allows us to be happier together.

Work-out:
Took a long walk and did my workout.

Netflix:
No Netflix yesterday! Didn't miss it.

Meditation:
Did three meditation sessions yesterday. Not all at once, but with some time in between. I remember when I used to think that Wim Hof meditation is really easy. It is easy, but it resets your whole body. I did 4 rounds of it. Next I did a beautiful relaxation meditation in which I listened to the birdies outside, allowing myself to come to rest. The last session was a guided meditation from the As You Are series. It was about beginning again. They invited you to see the future as an unwritten canvas. I thought it was beautiful to see it like that.

PMO Study:
I feel that my addiction has fucked up my life. I didn't only engage in PMO, but was also very dependent on feeling good. Wouldn't do drugs or alcohol, but would do anything else to not feel sad. Being on YouTube for hours at a time, browsing Social Media in the hopes of finding something exciting, binging on Netflix deep into the night... When starting my reboot, I closed everything off and limited my Netflix use to 1 hour a day. I feel so much better than obsessively consuming stimuli. My brain has learned to be normal again.

Sleep:
Went to bed nice on time and was very early with my routine

 

Day 0

I just relapsed... Instagram did this to me...
so, again starting from scratch.

 

Block instagram

 

Day 77

Still see that a lot of healing needs to happen between my GF and me before she trusts me again. I've moved from the PMO journey to the PMOL (L stands for Lying) journey and need to speak the truth when I feel confronted. I'd fabricate a 'harmless' lie, but it really saddens my GF when this happens. I will now also be more truthful to things that I feel and that I think.

Furthermore, I really need to stay committed. I usually just go about my day and don't think about stuff anymore, but the small things are what counts. Like not bringing the telephone to the toilet, the bedroom or the bathroom. I am not there yet and it is a sliding scale, all the way down.

Work-out:
Took a long walk and did a short workout.

Netflix:
An hour of Fubar on Netflix was enough. Stayed under my screentime.

Lying:
I was calling with my girl yesterday and during one of our phonecalls, I was browsing NoFap. She asked me what I was doing and said that I was listening to her. When she asked whether I was browsing the internet, I denied it. But she found out anyway. Why do I lie about stuff like that? I'm doing so well for 77 days and I f*ck up the relationship by doing this shit.

Meditation:
Did 1 session/12 minutes yesterday. Didn't have the energy for more. The session was a relaxation meditation and I listened to the birdies outside.

PMO Study:
Lying is compulsive behavior which is described in the book Dopamine Nation. It is usually done because there is a lot of shame for everything and then the lying happens. The writer said that radical honesty, like they do in AA, will set you free. Good to work on to become like that.

Sleep:
Spoke through things with my girl and went to bed late. Feel rested though

 

Day 2

I blocked Instagram and tried my best not to use social media as much as I can.

Planned my whole day and write the tasks and started to work on them.

 

Good job! Block the usual suspects. Block P, block p-subs and block all social media if you can. You will thank yourself later.

Work your routine and follow your plan. Leave no chance for PMO to enter your life

 

@Tan Korrey and @L.LAWLIET , how you holding up?

 

Day 78

Woke up with morning wood that could cut through metal. Met my GF yesterday and we had sex, but didn't O. That caused me to wake up with the feeling that my pee pee is in flames. No urges whatsoever, so we're good.

Spent lot of time talking things through with my GF yesterday about lying. As said before, lying is one of the PMO factors and needs to be treated as such. At least in my life.

Work-out:
Skipped the workout and the walk.

Netflix:
Watched 30 minutes of Fubar and had 2 hours of screentime yesterday! For me, this is extremely low.

Lying:
We were out to grab a bite at McDonald's and I noticed that my attention was going everywhere. The feeling of 'I can't look, in case it causes triggers' made me look. There were no fantasies, but more this. My GF saw that. When she asked me about it, I said that there was nothing happening. I lied and she knew it. It was emotional and we talked it through.

Meditation:
Did 5 minutes of meditation yesterday. Just sitting on my kitchen table, keeping my eyes closed.

PMO Study:
I've included that 12 steps of the AA. The steps to sobriety. As we are on a similar path, it's useful for us too.

https://www.aa.org/the-twelve-steps

Point 10 was what I was speaking about:
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

This is very difficult, but I will endeavor to promptly admit to my girl when I was wrong.

Sleep:
Spoke through things with my girl and went to bed late. Feel okay. Difficult waking up and not staying bed, but I succeeded

 

I relapsed

 

Day 79

Woke up with morning wood! No problem resisting it. Had a tranquil day yesterday and spoke with my GF about my routine and how to stick to it. She read some posts about spouses of Porn Addicts who have tried for years to let their husband quit, but the husbands never came through. Made me aware that it is constant being vigilant.

Work-out:
Did an extensive dumbbell workout and took a walk in the evening.

Netflix:
Watched an hour of Netflix. Started watching Slafende Hunde (Sleeping dogs) and liked it, but it's really sad. Then I switched to Fubar, but it's starting to lose my interest.

Lying:
Practiced to be as transparant as I could be. No lying, just being upfront and aspiring to take personal inventory.

Meditation:
Did 30 minutes of meditation yesterday evening. I gave myself too much room and meditated on the couch. After the meditation I fell in a deep sleep, but still remember the sounds of the timer going off.

PMO Study:
Picked up the book Your Brain On Porn again and started in the beginning. Read 20 or so pages and read about the detrimental effect of PMO on the brain. Your brain physically shrinks by PMO, as you drain it and exhaust it. Your reward system is so overworked that it is almost a given that you get depression by losing yourself in PMO. The book said, and we addicts all know, that PA goes further than alcohol addiction as your fantasies continue to feed your addiction. When you stop drinking alcohol, this addiction will stop when you continue to stop drinking alcohol. With PMO it's very different.

Sleep:
Spoke through things with my girl and went to bed late. Feel great, but feel like I am so thick and ignorant sometimes. The GF pointed out that I should've known better and not even allowed myself to be on the couch, but I gave too much room and fell asleep.

 

@squaric acid , you doing okay?

 

Time to try again.

 

Just relapsed. Day 0 let's go

 

Lets do it, Day 5..its hard but i want and i Will do it