Hi all, I've never actually contributed to this forum before but the more I have read, the more I see the same issues coming up over and over again to do with shame, guilt, powerlessness, anger, frustration and so on and so on. So many people looking for solutions to fix their symptom, but the thing is, its a symptom, not a cause. Masturbation, porn addiction, visiting a prostitute, being a sadist or a masochist, whatever the hell this 'awful' thing is: these things are not the problem. They are a solution to a deep pain, one that each of may or may not be aware of. So many of these things are hidden deep in our psyche that you simply can't imagine where they come from, maybe because they come from before your conscious memory began. Or even more screwy, you know exactly where the feelings come from, you can rationalise it and understand it endlessly, but the addiction or deviant act fulfills such a strong need inside you and is so effective at it that no amount of willpower will ever shift it because its helping you to avoid something painful. I know it sounds woowoo, but just for a second give your subconscious the benefit of the doubt: he's doing stuff to stop you hurting. It might not be the best solution in the world, but in his world he's being really really good at solving your problem. When the symptom is actually serving you really well in certain areas of your life then its damned hard to kick, because deep down you need it. You can say this about pretty much any addiction. So I don't want to blather on and on, but in all sincerity have people tried hypnotherapy? I mean with someone who really cares and really understands their issues, who they can truly and honestly open up and say the truth to? Because the thing is, men are not faulty and they aren't guilty and they aren't ever 100% wrong. There is always a kid inside who wants to do good, no matter how deep he may be buried. We are all just hanging on to some hopeless ideas of how to heal ourselves from hurt or loneliness and even though those ideas may not be not working very well, they provide some relief and are working better than nothing. The hypnotherapists job, in fact you can maybe simply say the job of love, is to see the good. To see the good no matter how bad the person thinks themselves to be, no matter how much they are suffering or believe bad things about themselves. Send them love, believe in them, and hand them their miracle. Put it there in front of them and say go on, I dare you, live and love like you truly truly wish you could. The anger is only hurting you, the one you are frustrated with doesn't even know what you are thinking, or doesn't care, or is so old now they need you more than you need them, or is already dead. Or whatever it may be. I'm not saying hypnotherapy is guaranteed to work, it completely depends upon the individuals true wish to fix themselves, but damn it does work well in those situations. That might sound evangelistic, but I really truly believe it, I experience it and I do it for others. It usually requires a lot of forgiveness - of others and of ourselves - frequently needs a lot of anger and frustration to be released, but eventually when an individual accepts themselves as they are, 100%, human, making mistakes, lacking self control, fucking up and realising we are all like that then... wow. The world changes. I could write and write about this but eventually it all comes down to self acceptance, love and forgiveness. The world is full of light and shade and the quicker we come to accept the dark side of ourselves then the easier the tension inside us will release. With that, the need to find a momentary inner oblivion or hit of life through some sexual outlet or other disappears. Instead of wanting to wank off for a moment of connection in the pain and aloneness, the world starts to show its love. And that, honestly, is what this is all about. Why hypnosis? Because it gets straight to the subconscious and that's where our feelings and habits lie. A year of psychotherapy might never get to the subconscious and do what a few session of hypnosis can achieve. I wont sell it any more but if you want any further answers let me know, if just one person can lift their head above all this stuff and breathe again in peace then its all worthwhile. I know this sounds simplistic and I apologise for that, I can imagine people here have been suffering for years. I mean nothing other than to help so if you think my words are stupid that's fine, I don't have all the answers but maybe some of you may find this at the right moment. Ask me whatever you like if it will help.