Hi there, I`m rebooting!

Today was really good. It wasn`t too much productive, but I managed to do some good. I`ve watched football match with friends, so that was nice. I feel like I`ve mainly recovered from the feeling of anxiety that I`ve exoerienced recently becouse of numerous relapses. So now things are going in a right direction.

I`m gonna have to get organised better in order to be productive at the university, couse there`s some studying closing to catch me. The strong will practice is going well. I still resist this chocolate. I think I can handle that.

About PMO... Today I didn`t think about it. I had some other things to do. Also after what it has done to me recently I wouldn`t dare to get back. I want to make myself aware of how shitty relpsing is. I know hard times will come. I want to be prepared. As for now I seem really self aware. Tomorrow I have one hour of tutoring, something too study on, and some final work on a project. So I`ll see if my mind is back in the sharp and bright mode.

I promised to share some constructive podcasts and so on, but not yet. You`re gonna have to practice ability to delay gratification I`ll share when I`ll get more time for myself.

Be positive! One think I`m sure is that Jesus wants us all to be free. I know I don`t write here too much about religion, but there is one think that I truly want to share now. There is a guy who died for all of us. For our salvation. Maybe You don`t believe the salvation part. And that It was for our eternal life. But eventhough the fact is this Man walked on the earth over 2000 years ago, and loved all the pepole on the earth enough to die for them. And there is no greater love. So believe it or not, but He found us worth dying for, and wants us too be free. Maybe it would be a nice idea to turn to Him. Call for His help when you feel all these urges.

Everyone have a nice day/ great night sleep! Remember to keep fighting, don`t give up, be positive. All of us can get fullfilling life.

 

Day 12
Really smooth. I think i didn't experience urges today. There was no urge from the group of hard ones during current streak. I don't get a lot of a boner. I don't think about porn. I'm really glad this is going so well. I wouldn't say I experience flat-line couse I still have intrest in girls. It's common that I see some beauties around and appreciate their appearance. In A right way. I try to see more then just a body. It's something positive couse porn is all about naked butts and breasts.

The way I feel reminds me of my most succesfull streak. I'm coming for that record! I'm really greatful that things are going in the right direction.

I wanted to share some constructive stuff. So recently I discovered that on music streaming apps there are also podcasts. I really enjoy listening some of them. At some point I tried to listen the podcast about porn reboot. I think it's really popular and easy to find. It might be helpful. I didn't listen to all of them. Only the first one. But I think I'll get back to it. I found some other podcasts more intresting. Recently I got intrested in formula one races. It's my new hobby So I listened to "Beyond the grid" podcast. First i listened to the talk with Robert Kubica. Very inspiring guy. I also read the book about him. He got back to racing in formula one after a terrible accident. His story is amazing! After that I also enjoyed the podcast talk with Nico Rosberg. A former Formula One world champion. He's also really inspiring and he has his own podcast in which he speaks with his guests a lot about mental performance and improvement. I realise not all of You might get intrested in something like that. But I wanted to share one Discovery
!! Listening to an inspirational stuff helps in reboot !!
I'm sure of that and I wanted to share It with You guys .

That's it for today. Hope You all who read all this don't die becouse of boredom. Have a great day/night sleep! Stay tuned. I'll write something once for a few days.

 

Day 21
A lot of studying, projects. It`s good in some way. My mind isn`t trying to trick me into PMO. On the other hand it`s really hard to keep up, regarding responsebilities. Still streak goes really smoothly. Things are going good. I just wish that this week will end soon becouse of the shitload of studying and all university related stuff. I`ll leave something more here when I`ll have some more free time. For now stay strong!

 

Day 27
I felt some urges today. It wasn`t nice. That`s the first time i felt really tempted since this streak started. But I`ve handled this. I think I have the right mindset. I`m really far. Don`t want to give up now. I`ve watched some tv series recently, have been a little more lazy, and then here are urges. I`m sure that I have to replace this "PMO`ing would be nice" mindset. I really was at the bottom of this addiction recently. I`ve discovered that if I don`t think too much about addiction, cut the urges at the beginning, it`s easier. I`ve given myself too much free time recently and got into discussion with urges. That`s what I have to change. From tomorrow on I`ll be studying more and I`d fill up my schedule. Anyway in my head things are better then during recent streaks.

 

30 days
Sounds good. Whole month. It`s been a long time since I`ve had such a long streak. I`ll keep fighting. Today was better. I think I discovered something. When I was thinking about my recent fantasies. About them! I wasn`t fantasizing today, at least not much. I came to one conclusion. These thoughts and desires that I have becouse of porn, and becouse of being aknowledged with some P actors... I wouldn`t play them in real life. I mean the sex I will hopefully have with my future wife wouldn`t be so dirty, selfish, unbeliveable. All these things I was fantasizing about. I`ll have to cut it loose. Becouse there`s nothing real about it. I won`t make it real anytime during my life. And I wouldn`t want to. I want my sexual life to be different then scenes I`ve seen on porn. There`s no good in being aroused by porn. I think realising that helped me today. As I said there wasn`t that much of an urge to PMO today. Of course it`s not a big breakthrough, but the thought of porn being damaging factor to my future sexual life helped. Also this reflection brought me some sense of my identity, as I`m not a guy who would like to do stuff seen in porn with the women I would love.

Another reflection is that mostly my fantasies are flashback of videos I`ve already seen. So what`s seen can`t be unseen. If I could give someone advice, I would tell "Don`t even start to watch porn. There`s no going back. Even if you don`t get addicted."

These lines are all about urges and fantasises and porn and all the negative stuff that focusing on doesn`t bring any benefits. So to leave here something posiftive... I`m glad it`s 30 days! I`m grateful and looking forward to succed. So help me God. Also it wasn`t bad day. Easter is coming. So I wouldn`t have my studies scheduled. Today I`ve spend some of my free time cycling. In the evening I went to the swimming pool. Watched some netflix, cooked spaghetti carbonara. Maybe I just kept my mind off fantasies. Today again was smooth. Less then first days of the streak but things are coming back to the right tracks. I hope I wouldn`t have to fall asleep with a boner as I had to last two or three days. I think I`ve managed some kind of hard time.

I wish You all the best. Have a meaningful and blessed easter. Wish me luck! I`ll leave here some post when I`d feel I have something worth telling. Stay tuned.

 

Day 37
It's going good. Not as smooth as on the begining. But anyway it's a month and a week. Sounds great. I'll give my best to recover fully. I have to work on my mindset, to rewire it into the condition when I don't need porn and fake sexual arousal anymore.
First i have to confess to some setbacks. So once when i was scrolling and going through instagram more or less i started looking for some P substitution. I got onto some barely clothed girl in sexy pose and I realised I shouldn't be there. But still i had this bad curiousity. I wouldn't call that porn but my mindset was wrong. I wanted that a bit. And as I wrote before i want to change that mindset. Once more when i was scrolling through a movie looking what's it like, I was a bit looking for some sexual scenes. I got onto one and I realised that's wrong. Once more it wasn't porn by my courious horny mindset was wrong. I have to change that. Maybe I just have to make myself more aware of my sexual identity. Or maybe I just need more time.

One more thing I was thinking about is Flashbacks of "favourite" scenes with antress I used to enjoy. And about fetishes I would like to get rid of. One thing is what I wrote before. About this sex being dirty and unworthy of my excitement. But I'm still getting urges to see some particular actress. One or another, couse there are more of them.

So i thought maybe I should start to see more of a person in them. I mean that they are someone's doughter or sister. So that might be the point. Or the fact that no matter if they're giving their consent or getting paid... No one deserves to be treated like a women during porn scene shot. So I'll try to think of it like that. I really want to get my mind clear of porn.

Keep fighting! All the best to all of You fapstronauts!

 

Day 2
I had relapsed few times last two weeks i guess. I think now I`m getting back on the right track. I`ve learned something out of it.Actually quite a lot. Anyway I screwed up for doing it many times. Anyway this time it might be diffrent. I`ll write here no later then on wednesday! Now I have a lot of studying.

 

Now I`m really back on track. I`ve been thinking a lot. And I got into the conclussion that I don`t have a clue what`s a problem. I`m always getting into the point when I feel that I want to PMO. Even though inside I know it`s crap. I hope now I`ts gonna be different. So help me God! I don`t know if I`m going to be writing anything in here. This site is rather for me to see how others handle the addiction.

 

I need to leave here something. I just relapsed. And i felt a relief. I mean the pressure was off. That's not positve. It means that the thought of pmo being pleasent is false. It's temporary bullshit. I hope that I'll remember that next time