How Can People Tell I Am Still A Virgin? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Laffio, Jul 12, 2018.

Am I just being paranoid about my virginity?

  1. Yeah dude no one can tell.

    44 vote(s)
    55.7%
  2. No it is really about how you carry yourself.

    35 vote(s)
    44.3%
  1. Laffio

    Laffio Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone!

    In the last two jobs I have had it's like everyone eventually figures it out and I don't really know how. I guess it is because I never talk about anything related to sex and if someone I am talking to brings up that topic I try to end the conversation. I need to become more comfortable with my sexuality or lack thereof.

    Through NoFap I have learned to accept the fact that this was my own decision to be a virgin this far into my life. There are times where the pressure... the urge to have sex becomes so overwhelming I can't cope. For the past 17 years the cure was to PMO but it has only blocked me from a lot of potential sexual partners.

    Realising how many women I "rejected" in my past just fills me with anger and sadness; again PMO worked like a bandaid on my heart.

    I know I have a big hill to climb if I am to ever have a real relationship but through this community, I have learned to not care if people know that I am a virgin. I just don't understand how they find out so quickly.

    Sorry if I answered my own question here but I just wanted to vent because I just found out that alot of people at my job just knew and I didn't tell anyone.

    Thank you for reading this if you did.
     
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  2. From one virgin to another: What is your evidence that these other people "know" you're a virgin, if you didn't tell them?
     
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  3. Laffio

    Laffio Fapstronaut

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    In my last job, people tried to set me up with this girl and kept saying they hope I finally have some fun.

    And this one I guess I just got noticeably uncomfortable around the subject and was told "pretty much everyone knows".

    Hmm... maybe I still care what people think.

    Your question may be the answer: they don't "know" until I confirm it. They can only assume my inexperience because they don't really know me. I'm being paranoid SuperFurryThing.
     
  4. Haha glad I could help! You could always try to play coy and pretend like maybe you actually aren't a virgin! Keep em' guessin!
     
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  5. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    They 'KNOW,'

    Especially women, they have sixth senses for picking up on these things. It always surprises me how intuitive women are when deciphering men purely based on the way they carry themselves. Quite adept really.

    Anyway, that's all pointless worrying about it. Question is what are you going to DO about it? Have you considered dropping your standards now to 'get going?'
     
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  6. Laffio

    Laffio Fapstronaut

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    Thanks SuperFurryThing! Yeah I've never been good at being coy but I shouldn't care what they think.
     
  7. Laffio

    Laffio Fapstronaut

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    Ha! Yeah Tweeby I know something is giving the vibe off but that is okay.

    So wait "I" have high standards! I'm gonna take that as a compliment. I've just never really had a "real" conversation with a woman before. I mostly gave standard comments and projected no sexuality in the past but I am trying to change that. I have been told that I just don't try or ask women so I should just go for it "shoot my shot" as a lot of people have told me. I try not to worry about it too often it just consumes me at times.

    Like I said before I have big hill to climb. I have to overcome my anxiety about my virginity, become comfortable with my body, learn how to talk to people, learn how to flirt, become brave enough to ask a girl out and then dating which is just a whole other thing... It's all seems like a lot to me. I have to start somewhere though. You made it sound so easy to me Tweeby.
     
  8. I've had people assume I'm a virgin when I'm not. But I also had people assume I was a virgin when I was. I don't know what it means. I guess I just give off that vibe. People have all kinds of wonky preconceptions in their heads about how other people are supposed to be. People also assume I'm gay all the time when I'm not. Not everyone, but a lot do. People assume what they assume. I wouldn't stress it.

    Also, "virginity" isn't a real thing, like in any meaningful way. In my opinion. Sticking your dick in a vagina doesn't make you a different person. Like at all.
     
  9. I have a thought process similar to that and it always depresses me, I don't mean to detract from the original post I'm just adding my 2 cents. You hit the nail on the head about people having wonky preconceptions about how people are supposed to be. I wish I could just gain all wisdom at once and realize what people think does not define who I am or what actions I feel I need to change to look like a different person. I hope this didn't come off as a nonsense tangent.
     
  10. The original question was "am I paranoid" about other people knowing I'm a virgin.... I think another way to look at it, is if other people think you are a virgin (or anything else really) without them having any actual solid evidence (which they can't), then they are the "paranoid" ones. It's funny how paranoid people get about other people's sexuality
     
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  11. I think you send signals unconscious and people wonder. Just as much as they wonder about me being too open for things. They just figure that because we carry this somehow
     
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  12. I don't think people can really tell. Bill Wyman of the Rolling Stone reportedly had more sex then Mick Jagger statistically but how many people know that? He was quietly playing bass in the back give no Fs to the bravado happening out front. Im sure there is a difference in how a virgin acts and someone who has had sex but how hard is that to fake too?
     
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  13. Abysmal habit

    Abysmal habit Fapstronaut

    What is it you truly want ? Do you want to stay a virgin , or get your game going ? Both choices are correct ,all that matters is what you want , to me it seems you still don't have this question figured out.
    As for people knowing , it's all how you handle yourself around women , there's no sixth sense no nothing . I had people swear i'm not a virgin while i still am , just because i flirt a lot and don't seem bothered hanging out with females , if you want to stay a virgin and you are proud of it , then handle yourself with confidence when sex subjects are brought up , look up information about it , being virgin does not mean you know nothing about sex ,and not being one does not mean you know anything about good sex . Again ; What is it you truly want?
     
  14. Laffio

    Laffio Fapstronaut

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    Oh... Well I should just not worry what people think and figure out what I truly want from life. People can speculate all day but it won't help me find my own happiness. Thanks Salvacion, Wackinwolf, SuperFurryThing, Dhalia, Max Fisher and
    Abysmal Habit; My anxiety got the better of me and I just wanted to ask that question.

    People's assumptions about me will never align with my reality so I should not feel embarrassed or react in affirmation if they "guess correctly".

    I will focus on improving my confidence so my inexperience won't be so obvious. I am too afraid to look up what real sex is like right now Abymal Habit. I guess I will try to not overthink my conversations with people for now if that subject ever comes up again.

    If I really think about it though, I just want someone to hang out with and not be uncomfortable if the topic of sex came up between us.
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2018
  15. Jackb97

    Jackb97 Fapstronaut

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    Just lie about it. say you're not a virgin. Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of but the majority of people think it is even though they will say they don't. They will judge you based on the fact your wiener hasn't been in a bun. Fake it till you make it.
     
  16. Laffio

    Laffio Fapstronaut

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    I'm mean hopefully it won't become an issue but I just will try not to be as obvious. If I am worried too much about it, it will show though in the form of being uncomfortable around sexual topics or even being around women. I am not ashamed of it I just feel "disconnected" from what is seemingly a normal adult interaction at times.
     
  17. _Xavier_

    _Xavier_ Fapstronaut

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    I recommend the book "Healing the Shame That Binds You" by John Bradshaw. I'm guessing you had some shame injected into your young and vulnerable mind before the age of 18. I'm going through it and it is clear that sexual dysfunction is almost 100% to blame on childhood experiences of shame.

    The last story I read was about a primary or secondary ego defense mechanism where a woman displaced her emotions regarding the incest that her primary caregiver forced her to go through (uncle) as obsessive thoughts about fucking Jesus. She was a Christian woman and knew it was bizarre but she went to therapy and figured it out.

    I imagine you have real internalized shame when it comes to sexuality and interacting with the opposite gender. I have a very similar situation. My mother made horrible sexualized comments about my father which was a terrible thing to experience, especially because I was about 15 years old in high school and struggling to develop some sort of sexual identity despite my dysfunctional shaming parents. She often told me in her rages with a nasty face, "You're just like your father." So naturally I end up believing this against my will and internalized the shame of her detrimental comments about my father.

    In other words.. You are not intrinsically flawed. It just might take a lot of work to pull back all those layers of defenses.
     
  18. Laffio

    Laffio Fapstronaut

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    So what you are saying, Xavier, is that I am afraid of being around women because there is some sexual abnormality I am repressing deep in my subconscious.

    This may be a selfish/stupid question that I may already know the answer to but why doesn't everyone have to go through this stuff (deep introspection) to have relationships?

    I , like everyone else here, want to fix my sexual dysfunctions so I can have a more fulfilling life and relationships but man the closer I get to a real recovery, the more I feel something holding me back from just trying to ask a girl out. I have to get better, Xavier, maybe that book you mentioned will have the answer.

    Like I have said before, I have to figure out what I want from this life and soon because I have been feeling so spaced out lately.

    Damn the stories you mentioned were intense dude. Thanks for sharing them.
     
    _Xavier_ likes this.
  19. _Xavier_

    _Xavier_ Fapstronaut

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    The more you learn about yourself, childhood development, and shame the more you will realize that about 98% of the people around you are running like hell away from the pain of their childhood and reenacting their experienced traumas, abuses, and neglects in their adult relationships.

    I read in a book dealing specifically with the effects of incest that maybe 1 out of 20 (MAX) childhood sexual abuse victims actually get help by going to some sort of therapy. And that is a big problem because about 1/4 of Americans experience it by the age of 18. They then bring it into adulthood and reenact their shamed rage on children or themselves.

    In other words, 50% of people are getting divorced and basically dying alone with some nurse maid wiping their ass resentfully in an old folks home. You have a pretty good shot at doing better than that I'd say! It takes a little work though!
     
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  20. Laffio

    Laffio Fapstronaut

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    Well that is some work I am definitely willing to do. I have to find out what this fear is coming from.
     
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