I hate being a good man

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Onehope, Mar 30, 2018.

  1. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    Im not sure how women behave in other countries, but where Im from if you're not a loser who has drug issues and violence issues or if you aren't generally a street thug or an asshole you won't get with women.

    I can't pretend to not be a nice guy or a good man in general. And it seems a bit arrogant coming from me but I accepted this fact the moment I realized I actually give a shit about what other people feel. Being mindful of other people's feelings makes you a good person regardless of your shortcomings, in my case porn addiction.

    I just can't get anyone interested in me no matter how much I improve myself, because being nice or a good man is completely unnapealing for women.

    This is why I laugh every time I hear a woman describe her definition of a "Perfect man" and somehow she describes me, yet if she meets me, gets to know me, has absolutely no desire to be anything more than friends. Yet they end up with someone completely different.

    I know life is full of surprises and sooner or later we might meet that special someone. But Im tired of wasting my time trying to prove my worth to someone who doesn't even value herself, because you can't say you are worth it if you settle for an asshole who takes advantage of you and doesn't give a shit about your feelings.

    Sorry for the rant but I needed to get this off my chest.
    TheCalm, IronDog, Millenial and 4 others like this.

    MLMVSS Fapstronaut

    Are you looking in the correct places?
  3. I don’t think any woman has described her perfect man as being needy.
    Castielle, zig and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Paperweight

    Paperweight Fapstronaut

    Or a porn addict. I'm just joking, the world is full of addicts, at least we are trying to better ourselves.

    I think this a post for @elevate
    Mike Bonanno and Deleted Account like this.
  5. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    I never come off as needy when I meet a woman. I dont stalk or harrass and I know how to take time for myself. They just get repelled the moment the sniff any nice gestures coming their way.
  6. Girls usually like those boys who don't have any work. They won't go behind a work horse. They go behind a tattoo filled street biker or a thug with some sidekicks, and then gets beaten everyday by him. We porn addicts don't even have any options. One thing I noticed is that, girls usually love extroverts. They don't need a shy introvert guy like me and being a shy introvert is a trait of a ln addict. The only thing we can do is to better ourselves and love ourselves. We have to try being an extrovert, rather than a foolish shy beta-male.
    u376 likes this.
  7. It seems like the bar in your town is set pretty low and I'm thinking this should make hooking up easier if youre willing to be with women with low standards and expectations. Most women want to get with men who have their shit together.

    Clearly you think pretty highly of yourself but its a little arrogant to think women don't want you because theyre scarred they might OD on quality. You may want to re examine how youre communicating with these women or what kind of vibe youre giving off.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. yeah i know.
    what women say they want and what they really want are two very different things.
    i would advise AGAINST becoming a street thug or a criminal of some kind but i would say that you should adopt an 'i don't give a fuck ' attitude. especially to what women think or what women want. just do what you think is right without caring about what she thinks. you will find that this confident attitude attracts far more women than being a stree thug !
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

    The problem of being nice is that it always comes hand in hand with some other characteristics that are actually not so nice, the ones you are even not aware of but I guarantee you have them and they are like repellent for the women.

    Read No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover (read it free online right now clicking here). All you need is to read just short intro + 1st Chapter and you will understand why your nice and good behavior is not appealing to women at all.

    I was genuinely nice one too and couldnt change my behaviour until this book opened my blind eyes. So will yours.
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2018
    Deleted Account and elevate like this.
  10. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    So you've never met a woman that has a boyfriend or husband that's a good man?

    All good men are single and only bad men will populate the Earth within 20 years?

    You have a bitter attitude just because you've experienced outcomes that you didn't want.

    How many times has this situation happened to you? Less than 5? Less than 10? Maybe just 1 special girl that you're really attached to? How many did it take for you to believe that women don't want good men is an absolute fact?

    It's their life. They can live it however they want. Being angry because you didn't get what you want for behaving the way you think others should love you for isn't really being a good guy is it? If you were simply being a good guy, the outcome wouldn't matter, but it seems like you're acting like a good guy with expectations from other people.

    No, you're not entitled to other people just because you're a good guy.


    Let's say that the person you love the most has just been shot. He or she is lying in the street, bleeding and screaming. A guy rushes up and says, "Step aside." He looks over your loved one's bullet wound and pulls out a pocket knife -- he's going to operate right there in the street.

    You ask, "Are you a doctor?"

    The guy says, "No."

    You say, "But you know what you're doing, right? You're an old Army medic, or ..."

    At this point the guy becomes annoyed. He tells you that he is a nice guy, he is honest, he is always on time. He tells you that he is a great son to his mother and has a rich life full of fulfilling hobbies, and he boasts that he never uses foul language.

    Confused, you say, "How does any of that fucking matter when my [wife/husband/best friend/parent] is lying here bleeding! I need somebody who knows how to operate on bullet wounds! Can you do that or not?!?"

    Now the man becomes agitated -- why are you being shallow and selfish? Do you not care about any of his other good qualities? Didn't you just hear him say that he always remembers his girlfriend's birthday? In light of all of the good things he does, does it really matter if he knows how to perform surgery?

    In that panicked moment, you will take your bloody hands and shake him by the shoulders, screaming, "Yes, I'm saying that none of that other shit matters, because in this specific situation, I just need somebody who can stop the bleeding, you crazy fucking asshole."

    So here is a terrible truth about the adult world: You are in that very situation every single day. Only you are the confused guy with the pocket knife. All of society is the bleeding gunshot victim.


    If life was fair, I'd have everything because I work so hard and I'm such a good person.

    The problem isn’t that life is unfair; it’s your broken idea of fairness.

    Take a proper look at that person you fancy but didn’t fancy you back. That’s a complete person. A person with years of experience being someone completely different to you. A real person who interacts with hundreds or thousands of other people every year.

    Now what are the odds that among all that, you’re automatically their first pick for love-of-their-life? Because – what – you exist? Because you feel something for them? That might matter to you, but their decision is not about you.

    Most of us get so hung up on how we think the world should work that we can’t see how it does.

    Our ideas of fairness are mostly self interest and hidden under the cloak of wishful thinking.

    But reality is indifferent. You studied hard, but you failed the exam. You worked hard, but you didn’t get promoted. You love her, but she won’t return your calls.
    sev94, Deleted Account, stid and 7 others like this.
  11. I think you guys are over generalizing girls intro liking only bad boy types which I don't think is true for everybody
  12. I'm a good guy who lifts, and has some swagger. The difference is I honestly go into every encounter without intention. I hold doors open for the elderly and women, always allow women to pass in front of me. I try to portray the gentle giant. I am 2x the shoulder width of many women, and I can tell some people are quite intimidated by my stature. The difference is I'm an outright nerd, and am both big and dress as Goku pretty constantly, and I constantly talk about physical training.

    I do harbor the fantasy of some nice woman taking me on as her boyfriend/bodyguard.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. But lets get one thing straight, one thing women hate is Nice Guy™. This guy believes that if he puts on the vestages of niceness, he should be having sex, and his niceness is currency. Being a Good Guy is truly hard because there is absolutely zero expectation of reciprocity or reward for his goodness, he is just good.

    A good example is going to the Deep South. People there are known by reputation for being extremely polite. Coming from the Pacific Northwest, I immediately sensed for the most part was false and due to an expectation of politeness, they put on false airs to impress guests. Also it is practically contractually obligated that they act that way. I could sense the hostility bubbling just under the surface.

    Women are masters of subtlety, and can literally sense a lack of genuineness. They have to because they are the sexual gatekeepers of the species, and men have tried literally everything to bed them if they are a 6+.
    Deleted Account, stid and SheMonk like this.
  14. Paperweight

    Paperweight Fapstronaut

    You took me on a journey! Also congrats on clearing 100 days, I can tell you work hard and are a good person! ;)
    elevate likes this.
  15. Thx for the book link. That’s a great book for someone like me.
    JustinX likes this.
  16. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

    Someone who says they're nice and then shittalks others isn't actually a nice person.
  17. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut

    My act of kindness towards women is genuine, because its hard for me to be an asshole. Its hard for me to not be mindful, respectful, and nice in general.

    Through years of experience I have learned to not be clingy, not be overly attached, not be fearful of loss, be more confident, more outgoing and positive. Mostly optimistic, good at starting conversations, not showing over eagerness. And many other things.

    Yet some dude who cheats, who is super jealous all the time. Who is mean, ignores her calls and messages.

    Somehow this guy is always the better choice.

    Maybe Im too ugly, who knows lol
    Millenial likes this.
  18. The Wrestler

    The Wrestler Fapstronaut

    There is a pretty big difference be "nice" and "kind."
    See, "nice" is nice with a purpose - an agenda. Nice with the goal of getting in their pants, of getting something or gaining something. Nice offers a shoulder to cry on so that it can be closer, or helps one move so that it is owed time or a favour. People recognise "nice": they can see its falseness, its carefully painted mask and ugly yellow teeth.
    But "kind"...kind is different. Kind seeks the genuine well and good of those around it. Kind does not demand anything in return. Kind rejoices with the those who find happiness, supports friends when they make bad decisions, and respects and values people as complex individuals with complex motivations. Kind is not hurt by their behaviour, because kind is also kind to itself and is secure in its kind-ness.
    Don't be nice. Be kind.
    Reverent, Castielle, elevate and 2 others like this.
  19. Paperweight

    Paperweight Fapstronaut

    "Nice" also has the connotation of being a bit of a wimp who is agreeable to avoid discomfort. Kind is better! But it's semantics really.
  20. Toomuchh

    Toomuchh Fapstronaut

    You say a few things that don't add up.

    "I can't pretend to not be a nice guy or a good man in general"
    "if you're not a loser who has drug issues and violence issues or if you aren't generally a street thug or an asshole you won't get with women"

    doesn't sound like something a good or nice guy would say.

    Maybe you aren't who you think are. I don't know, I can only give my opinion on what you've said in this post alone. But the vibe I get is you are frustrated and want to blame your lack of success with women on something other than yourself. Maybe you have shitty luck.

    But if someone started calling everyone who is with a girl, a loser, a thug or an asshole, I wouldn't call that guy a good or nice guy. Actually, that sounds like something an asshole would say, so don't worry, you're one of those assholes who can get girls too.
    Deleted Account and Castielle like this.

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