I HAVE ADVICE on communicating virtually with women in the dating world

Saw on another thread someone who wanted advice about not seeming needy, and thought I'd go through some tips and tricks I've used while communicating with women virtually.

I understand the NEEEED for affection and connection during a reboot. This can make us act in ways that normally wouldn't, or maybe this is how you act in general. I have had many women turn away from me during a reboot because I was so excited and anxious to interact with them and they were weirded out or turned off because I was too needy.

Here are some tips at hiding this so you can get some dates and hopefully a relationship, after which you can rely on someone more to help you out. After using these a lot, I think they actually helped me become less reliant on others as outlets for my frustrations and just become more confident in the dating sphere, so hopefully that happens with you too!

1. Only respond to messages on dating apps/websites for a short window of time everyday, and just from Sunday through Thursday. I used to do around 8PM-9PM on the specified nights. I believe this portrays:

• You have a routine that you stick to every day
• You respond on your own time, especially your leisure
• You don't have time on the weekend because you're busy doing fun shit

You're basically showing you don't need to be doing this and you're not a horny/needy fiend. That looks good. As for general advice, show you're excited, even if it takes you hours to respond to them. Take a look at their responses beforehand and plan out what you'll say (make sure read receipts are off).

2. When you have their number, the amount of time you should take to respond to them should be at least half the time they took to respond to you, and never more than the time they took to respond to you. I always stayed towards the "half" side, and only took long to respond if I forgot or was busy. I believe this method shows:

• You're interested in them yet you have other interesting/important shit to do
• You put in as much effort as they do, so the more they put out, the more you will
• Always taking less time than them shows attentiveness and interest
• You respond in similar timeframes as them, showing you have similar schedules/work habits, inferring a good match

Again, you have an interesting life, and you are trying to include them as much as they are willing to put out for you. Even when choosing activities and planning times, sticking to this method has worked really well for me

3. Bonus! If you have her Snapchat, if you're doing something cool or something to make her think "Wow he has so much fun!" (like a view of a cool hike, drinks at a really cool bar, sports with the bros) send her a snap that's generic enough that it could go to anyone, and DON'T OPEN HER SNAP UNTIL THE TIME IS RIGHT FROM ABOVE.

• makes her think you snap a lot of people and you share your interesting stuff with everyone (I would literally do this when I was only talking to one girl lmao)
• shows you do fun stuff and can't talk to her all the time
• your snap must be so full of unopened ones from other people you didn't see hers

I'll probably add more in the future. Stay tuned!

 

Do you use a landline to call women?

 

There is no way to convey courage, vulnerability, and kindness over dating apps and websites. Attention is the primary human phenomena connected to social media, and it's pretty common for women to not always go for the guys who give them the most attention.

I put this up here because I used to have major issues with how I would communicate with women over social media, and I assume other guys here do as well. In fact, my habits with engaging with women over social media seemed to reflect my porn habits!

I was constantly checking my dating apps for new matches and responding to them right away. I was paying for premium services, which I can say 100% useless; you will literally match with the same people in a virtually same amount of time as without paying. I was responding to women's texts and snapchats right away. This was not only not attractive and turning away plenty of women, it was not healthy!

Just like porn addiction, my relationship with digital communication and women was not healthy. Also like porn addiction, I did not notice the effects until it started impacting my sex life (PIED from PA and getting ghosted/flaked for communication errors). I used the fear of my symptoms to drive me towards my goal of getting healthier, and I bet others will too.

It's not strong to not use dating apps while at work or not always being on your phone, that's normal! Like many people here being unaware what proper relationships and sex should be like because of porn, many guys here don't know how to communicate with women because they have an unhealthy relationship with technology.

Porn use leads to isolation and PIED, which causes bad feelings and dismays partners, which leads to more porn use, and the cycle continues. Being too attentive or needy over the phone leads to less interested women, which leads to loneliness, which increases attention and neediness, and the cycle continues. Both cycles are broken through knowledge and resisting your urges at first. Porn addiction calls for a reboot, neediness on the phone calls for limits on communication.

The great thing is both are temporary! Although I had to do a reboot, my sex life has been pretty good ever since and getting better! I used to have to resist the urge to always be on Tinder or respond to texts from girls, but now I respond on a timeline that's healthy for me and her! Girls even have told me "I'm glad you're not super addicted to your phone and don't need to text me all day".

Regardless, people need help, and this is it. I'm glad you're above this, but there's not reason to shame people who haven't got a clue. You wouldn't make fun of someone who didn't know they were addicted to porn, and I don't think it's the best to mess with people who don't yet get the nuances of communicating digitally

 

Glad this is helping you!

It's unfortunate how necessary online dating is nowadays when it is also really shitty and difficult to work with. It's similarities to the habits associated with porn make it even more troubling to navigate for guys like us .

If you're struggling with porn addiction and using the "swipe" style services like Tinder and Bumble, I suggest not even looking at the women when you're swiping; simply swipe right on all of them until you run out of swipes. Seeing all these women, often all very attractive, activates the same systems in your brain wired to novelty and porn. It's not healthy at all.

 

Once again, there are a lot of guys, which used to include myself, that do not understand how to communicate with women, especially over the phone. Telling someone addicted to porn "Don't worry about it, just stop watching, do what you want, just be confident, have fun" doesn't always solve every issue. You need a plan for action and some uncommon tactics to tackle the addiction. Similarly, for guys that don't have good relationships with women, are very lonely and becoming frantic, and are developing addictive behaviors with dating apps/social media (I've been there so I know it's true), sometimes you need to employ some unconventional tactics to get yourself started on the right foot.

Think of it like porn addiction. If you have an addiction, do you just stop being addicted and live your life? NO. You do a reboot (an unconventional tactic that resists your urges and common sense), then begin a healthy sexual lifestyle. Similarly, if you have trouble communicating and are getting ghosted and such, you follow the rules I put out (unconventional and uncommon), get on the right track, and then use healthy relationship tactics.

I do not use these tactics anymore. I used them to get out of the unhealthy behaviors I developed, but now that I'm confident, have experience, and have healthy relationships with the people in my life (and with technology), I'm able to communicate with people in a normal way. These tips are helpful when you're starting out and are having no luck, but by no means should you keep them going indefinitely.

If you're starved of validation and attention, the novelty of dating apps and the dopamine rush from talking to new people can literally be addicting, just like porn. You need a plan to kick the addiction that isn't just "be confident, don't use them that much, be productive". There's no reason to discount the experiences of many guys