I might have an escort problem...

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Mattew, Jan 13, 2019.

  1. Clarke

    Clarke Fapstronaut

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    Did you have a variety of good interesting pictures? I didn't start getting matches until I upped my picture game.
     
  2. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    No, i actually don't, i have only some old facebook pic of my face.
     
  3. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    At my worst I also hired an escort. She was over twice my age, her pics were fake, but I still went through with it. I felt really uneasy afterwards and went to confession since I considered it a serious sin against God and myself. My real nofap journey started there because me having sex with a prostitute came as a real shock and eye-opener. I never would have imagined myself doing that, but I did, and rest assured when I say it's all because of porn. I would never have done that if it weren't for my porn addiction. On the contrary, I probably would have been happily married. Now I'm a single anxious wreck with no one to love in withdrawal from this god awful addiction. And it's exactly that desperation, combined with thirst for stimulation and lust, through porn, that led me to seeking out an escort.

    The whole experience left such an emotional scar I don't think I'll ever do something similar again. You just can't look in the mirror and feel good about yourself after having had sex with a stranger for money. It feels selfish and low. There's even more dignity to be found in pmo if you ask me.
     
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  4. Tryinghardtoquit

    Tryinghardtoquit Fapstronaut

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    You can stop matey! I quit after over 12 months...it has been almost 3 years now. Still PMO addiction lingers but I amnon the right path.
     
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  5. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    I'll try to have another 5 month clean from escort...
     
  6. Dagmar

    Dagmar New Fapstronaut

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    man, i've been here, too. the sexy massages - they give me a thrill i can't find anywhere else. recently, i've been able to withhold, but only because i can't afford it. however, the other thing that keeps me from visiting is fear. i've found that, when i'm stalking around at night, circling the block, debating whether or not to go into the massage parlor, visualizing the worst case scenario makes it easier to walk away: think about being arrested, think about explaining to your family, imaging cooling in a jail cell - i've done it before and even just for a night, it's terrifying and horrible. imagine being caught, and all of it coming out, and ask: would that thrill be worth it? my answer, i've found, is no: even though it's an irreplaceable thrill, in the end, it's not worth that much. when i quit drinking, i learned that a good way to keep off was to concertedly associate the satisfaction of the activity with the most negative consequences: train your brain to associate contacting an escort with jail, humiliation, etc, and you may learn to have an easier time walking away.
     
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  7. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    By this point, there is no risk for me, i have no family, no girlfriend, and in my country you don't go to jail for being with an escort.
     
  8. Feed the Mind

    Feed the Mind Fapstronaut

    Hey Mattew. I am impressed that you went hard mode for that long in the past. I currently struggle with escorts, I didn't realize how bad it was until two years of escorts, when I tried to stop and just couldn't. I tried to stop and would end up relapsing and going even deeper, needing more each time. It got pretty bad, I hit some lows and made some risky choices that could have ended really bad for me. The more I feed it the hungrier it gets and that scares the shit out of me.

    These past 5 months I have been very disciplined, except for a time I was weak and went to a massage parlor. It was like you said, it was too long without sexual release and it got to me. It's a huge challenge to get out of this hole we have dug ourselves into, as long as our brain knows that escorts are an option and you can get all that pleasure without much effort you won't have motivation to develop your social skills and become an attractive man. Our brain is doing what it is meant to do, seek pleasure and avoid pain, our brain thinks escorts are good for us, lots and lots of pleasure with no real pain, yes there is a feeling of emptiness after but it's small compared to the amount of pleasure sex gives us. We have to attach more pain to seeing escorts and more pleasure to denying instant gratification. Picture your life 5 years in the future, how will it look like if you keep giving in to escorts and being a puppet of your desires and contrast that with how would it look like if you stop seeing escorts and instead work on yourself. Be very specific with how your life would look like, really paint a picture in your mind and write it all down. Associate as much pain to seeing escorts as you can and your brain will start working with you again. I'll take my own advice and do this as well because escorts have already taken too much from me.

    Let's stay strong!
    -Feed
     
  9. icantbelieveit

    icantbelieveit Fapstronaut

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    Bro, consider browsing escorts or fantasizing about them as a relapse. Plain and simple. You have to treat it the exact same way. Fantasies/browsing is literally the same thing as porn. You get aroused and your brain is releasing all the same chemicals. You have to remove it from your life, just like porn. You have a thought of an escort? Realize it, and immediately discard it (or observe it and let it go, if you are strong enough to do so). Dreams are more tricky and out of your control, but as long as you consciously stay away from it IMO dreams are more or less fine.
     
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  10. RightEffort

    RightEffort Fapstronaut

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    10 days of silent meditation retreat as thought by S.N. GOENKA will teach you a method to remove deep mental issues from your psyche.

    Freely available - through a donation by past students. search for vipassana Goenka and find a center near you :)
     
  11. Ghost79

    Ghost79 Fapstronaut

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    I also had this problem and lost €4000 to escorts. I also did it sometimes without protection.
    With my last experience with an escort I felt utterly disgusted by her pussy, even so much that I lost all taste for it. So I have decided now to have only sex with a girlfiend or wife if I ever get one or die sexless.
     
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  12. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    I agree with that, browsing escorts is the same as watching porn, even if you don't see explicit parts of the body.
     
  13. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    If i continue to do that i will probably be a really shitty person in 5 years...
     
  14. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    Done a lot of meditation in the past, it does not do what you just say, it does not remove deep mental issues from your psyche.
    Are you talking out of experience?
     
  15. icantbelieveit

    icantbelieveit Fapstronaut

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    It doesn’t remove anything but it helps you to see them as it is. It helps you observe your thoughts as just that, as thoughts, that they are NOT you. Now it is up to you to realize this and use this wisdom to your advantage and move on, or just indulge in the shitty thoughts anyways. In other words meditation is a tool but it’s still up to you what you do with said tool. You can even use meditation to be a brutal warrior like the samurai used Zen.
     
  16. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    I probably spent around 10.000 euro in 3 years, maybe more...

    I never did anything without protection, don't do that man, it's risky.
     
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  17. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    I've done a lot of meditation in the past, and it is not what you describe, or what people who sell meditation describe.
    Are you talking out of experience?

    Meditation can even make you more agitated.
     
  18. icantbelieveit

    icantbelieveit Fapstronaut

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    Yes I’m talking out of experience and it does EXACTLY what I described. In fact mindfulness is so straightforward it’s almost unimaginable that it does NOT do as described. Yes mindfulness can have negative effects too, because you realize how fucked up your thoughts can be (this all depends on YOU and how YOU react to things).

    What type of meditation were you doing? If it doesn’t do as described you either did it wrong or you were doing a totally different type.
     
  19. Mattew

    Mattew Fapstronaut

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    I don't know what type.

    I sit, sometimes with my legs crossed, my eyes closed, i keep my eyesight at the 6th chakra, and i start counting my breaths, normally from 1 to ten, and then start counting again.
    I do that from 20 minutes to 50 minutes, it depends on how much time i have.
     
  20. icantbelieveit

    icantbelieveit Fapstronaut

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    Yeah that’s definitely not mindfulness. Now I’m not going to say the type you did is ineffective or not for other things because I have no idea, but the specific type of meditation that is beneficial for us addicts is mindfulness. You have to be aware and observe your thoughts then let them go and return to your breath. I recommend reading a book or two or study how to do it really well and then try it again. It’s actually straightforward.
     

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