I'm addicted to gay porn and don't know my sexuality

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by struggling_boot, Aug 16, 2020.

  1. struggling_boot

    struggling_boot New Fapstronaut

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    I'm been PMOing since 11 years old till now (22). I was addicted to straight/lesbian porn, and somewhere along the way I found transwoman porn and eventually gay porn. Now gay porn is the thing that arouses me most.

    I discovered nofap and hocd stuff around 2 weeks ago and have tried numerous times to quit! But I can't! I relapsed three times, all after around 2-4 days: first time to pics of hot Instagram babes, second to lesbian porn, and third to gay porn.

    I'm anxious and can only think about porn. Nothing else interests me. When I watch movies I think about fucking the characters (male or female). Once I did a test: I opened lesbian porn and my dick didn't get hard. Then I opened gay porn and my dick got really hard. So I could be gay, or desensitized to naked chicks? But after not doing PMO for three days (see above, try #1), I relapsed from looking at girls in lingerie.

    After watching a lot of gay porn, I accepted that I could be gay. But it feels weird. I still fantasize about starting a family with a girl, and making love to women. I've had crushes on girls since I was a kid (not anymore since I don't meet any women / have zero game), and never considered that I was gay (until a month ago when I "accepted" I was gay due to my porn tastes).

    What can I do? Help me...
     
  2. StonePlacidity

    StonePlacidity Fapstronaut

    You have HOCD, it's that simple. You're not gay, but your brain tricks you that you're gay because your dopamine receptors are so desensitised to normal vanilla porn that you escalates to gay porn and finds that sexually arousing.

    It's a long journey, many people have been trying for years and years and they're still struggling. I'm also one of them. I just had a 40 day streak that ended in June and since then I haven't had a streak longer than 7 days. NoFap's hard, but not impossible. Here is something that you may find helpful: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...fetishes-a-complete-guide-for-freedom.283059/
     
  3. Damaged_Stoic

    Damaged_Stoic Fapstronaut

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  4. Damaged_Stoic

    Damaged_Stoic Fapstronaut

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    Reply didn't post, but you got this man. Don't go seeking reassurance on the internet and dont listen to members on this site that'll try to assert you're gay. Only you can decide who you are.
     
    archie.hill likes this.
  5. You still a man and you still like girls, but the excess of PMO reprogrammed your brain to react like this to man. To stop this you need to remove ALL PMO from your life, and so your organism will be reseted to default. Just
    stop man!

    You need to fullfill your life with good stuff to overcome this situation, like read, study, physical exercise...

    The answer in kinda simple: STOP PMO AT ALL COST AND THIS EVIL STUFF WILL DISAPPEAR! I hope you find peace in your heart.
     
  6. Hardwork11

    Hardwork11 Fapstronaut

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    i have an idea for you.test your self and you will know if you are gay or it is just HOCD taking over.
    stay away from pmo for 90 days,do something productive like walking ,reading ,helping others etc and after 90 days ask your self are you really gay? then you will have the answer
     
  7. Newlife33

    Newlife33 Fapstronaut

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    I'm in a similar path but not as far down the rabbit hole. I am a straight male who became addicted to porn in middle school. I remember it being normal photos, then videos, then orgies and all the way to transwoman on male porn at my worst. I've slowly undone that damage, and it does take a long time to get through it. It is possible though. The hardest part is when you get some freedom from it, and then the urge comes crashing back in. During those times I must deal with my urges in private, as many people don't understand or want to talk about my fetish issues. But I swear on my life if i can let the urge pass and go through me and not fight it, it always passes and it gets easier each time.
     
    archie.hill likes this.
  8. Emanuil

    Emanuil Fapstronaut

    The thing is that your taste in porn doesn't determine your sexuality in real life. (I saw a lot of very weird, extreme, and violent stuff, but that doesn't mean I'm like that in real world, nor that I would try that something like that for real.)
    Only when you start to be attracted by the guys near you, when you wish to have a boyfriend, to love him, have relationship and sex with him - then we can say that you have some homosexual tendencies. Even then we can't say that you are gay.
    You are only 21 years old, and your sexual and emotional development is still not finished. Anyway, if girls still attract you, there's nothing to worry about. Since you wrote that you are not meeting any girls anymore, maybe you should work in that area.

    As for porn...try to figure out what is so interesting in gay porn for you? What do you like to see in those movies, what exactly arouse you?
    It's also important to realize is there something in those movies that you would like to try in real life?
     
  9. struggling_boot

    struggling_boot New Fapstronaut

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    Why does this happen to me and not other straight men? I bet there are tons of people who have watched more porn than me, yet don't have this happen. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just curious.
     
    archie.hill likes this.
  10. archie.hill

    archie.hill Fapstronaut

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    Please know this has happened to many people and it’s okay. You’re going to be okay.

    This is a very common and normal reaction to porn addiction.

    It has happened to many people and they’ve gotten better.

    You will get better too.

    You’re doing all the right things. Just keep staying PMO free and everything will be okay.

    Everything you need to know to get better is in this thread:
    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...fetishes-a-complete-guide-for-freedom.283059/

    You’re going to be okay my friend!
     
  11. SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

    Yeah, I doubt you're gay. Have you ever heard of the study with men that took a prescription that raises their dopamine? All of a sudden, they were into cross dressing and gay stuff. When you have screwed up neurochemistry, your entire system is out of whack. I can tell by your message that you're definitely not gay. It's also normal to be a little bit curious especially if you have been watching so many images from an early age. Eventually you wonder what the other side is like. This is a reaction that can happen to anyone including the straightest most alpha guys. Go to therapy. Find an HOCD therapist. Book a session with Noah Church (I think he charges like $100 per hour). Keep posting here. The reason you're using porn all of the time is because you don't have a strong sense of purpose in life and you're not managing your mindset. You are probably unfulfilled and used to escaping through porn. Gay porn is the biggest dopamine hit because it's taboo and "wrong" which makes it even more enticing since anxiety and arousal can sometimes go hand in hand. Real gay people tend to know from an early age (like 7-8 that they're different). Good luck
     
    archie.hill likes this.
  12. archie.hill

    archie.hill Fapstronaut

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    @struggling_boot

    Don’t listen to anyone who tries to say you are likely bi, based off a forum post.

    Only you will know what you are once you’ve quit PMO.

    Everything’s going to be okay my friend.

    Just stay PMO free.
     
  13. Shambler

    Shambler Fapstronaut

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    I looked at a lot of stuff that I'm sure 100% would do nothing for me in real life, including gay porn, just for the naughty excitement... forever chasing that thrill down the rabbit hole.

    One thing I never enjoyed in porn was feet. I really like feet in real life. Porn is not sexual, it's close but it's something else, atleast that how I see it.
     
    archie.hill likes this.

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