I'm addicted to porn that relates to others having sex with my wife

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ChrisE, Oct 9, 2019.

  1. ChrisE

    ChrisE New Fapstronaut

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    Hello, I'm addicted to seeing my wife have sex with others and watching porn that relates to this, however it has now become an issue in our relationship
     
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  2. Awareness Spreader

    Awareness Spreader Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the forum, man. First (and most important) step has been achieved- you're here, you recognize you have a problem, you're seeking help. Personally, I don't have the experience in this topic to offer concrete advice but I'm sure someone else does. I'd suggest roaming throughout the forum in search of dilemmas similar to yours while we wait for more support
     
  3. ChrisE

    ChrisE New Fapstronaut

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    ok hope so
     
  4. First and foremost, there's no shame in viewing that the of porn (we aren't bad people or sick people). In fact, it's one of the most viewed types of porn our there among married men. Very popular genre of porn. So don't beat yourself or think it's weird, etc. Now, personally, I've had to realize that genre of porn isn't good for me or my relationship with my wife. Nor is any porn for that matter. So I'm in the process of continuing to retrain my brain which starts with not viewing ANY porn....and slowly but surely things change for the better. This type of fantasy does/will subside when we starve it...as will other types. Then I've had to explore healthy sexuality--what does that look like for me and my wife. And then my own self esteem issues. This stuff is complex! : ). But the journey into a better way of living without porn is sooooo worth it. BTW, one of the most popular types of porn (based on google/search data) for women is rape fantasy. The reality is women don't want to be raped...just as I don't actually want some other man having sex with my wife. It's the fantasy that excites...the imagination, but not the reality for most of us. So we don't need to think we are less than as husbands for these fantasies. They are thoughts not actions...and if we starve the porn, our thinking will change.
     
  5. Awareness Spreader

    Awareness Spreader Fapstronaut

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    Love this
     
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  6. ChrisE

    ChrisE New Fapstronaut

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    The thing is that we have become swingers and I have watched her have sex with others many times, the problem is that I'd rather watch others have sex with her or watch cuckold porn than have me have sex with her. Then when I do have sex with her I have to imagine that she's just had sex with other guys so that I can cum
     
  7. You both get to decide what's healthy for you. It seems the swinging lifestyle, the porn, and how you feel about the fantasizing needed to climax are bothering you. Have you discussed it with your wife? Maybe something needs to change. Remember the saying: if nothing changes, nothing changes. Good luck on the journey.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 9, 2019
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  8. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like you are objectifying your wife and that you get aroused by thinking of her as some sort of object. This has a lot to do with your porn consumption. It's definitely a cuckold or some sort of jealousy or voyeurism fetish. If this is getting in the way of your relationship it probably wouldn't hurt to seek advise from a professional relationship therapist or sexuologist.
     
  9. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like your PMO stuff has fucked up your mind, man. Just like one gets attracted to gay porn or tranny porn although he isn't originally gay......by watching Porn, the idea gets planted in the mind. Just like in INCEPTION. You deserve to have a loving relationship with your wife and have great sex with her. You're the man, its the way it was supposed to be. But Porn fucks us all up, man. Few years ago there weren't many videos about incest, now there are plenty of 'em. Somehow P makes fucked up scenarios normal.

    I hope you can get professional help if you can afford it. If you cannot, the first thing I wish you did is to quit Porn. Don't let it destroy your marriage. Get out before its too late, man. You need to introspect, since when did you have thoughts of your wife being screwed by other men??? its all Porn fucking with you, man. You have to forgive yourself for whatever has happened and be a Strong man.

    Porn is making cuckolds of all of us, man. Lets not be one. Lets be the men that we were supposed to be, that we always dreamt of being...
     
  10. If both you guys enjoy the swinger life I see no issue with it. Sounds like a very interesting lifestyle. Id definitely quit the porn and see if that helps your sex with your wife. It cant hurt and we all know porn is destructive. If youre no longer interested in the swinger life then thats something you need to discuss with her.
     
  11. SaturnsSun

    SaturnsSun Fapstronaut

    It sounds to me as though you view your wife as an object to be used and not a person to be loved.
     
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  12. mattyjsy

    mattyjsy Fapstronaut

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    From an evolutionary standpoint, being aroused by watching another man with your woman makes zero sense, its is almost exclusively a product and result of pornography.
     
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  13. Homelander

    Homelander Fapstronaut

    My porn fetishes also escalated from hetero to cuckold and sometimes I imagined my wife being used by other men whilst I get sloppy seconds.
    Luckily none of this became reality for me, but I can imagine some people cross their own preset boundaries in order to get the same dopamine stimuli.

    Remember there is always a way back even if you went deep in the rabbit hole. This just means your recovery might take longer.
    You will only recover if you go cold turkey: No Porn, No Masturbation and No Swinging, only normal sex.
    But you already knew this, so why are you not doing this?
     
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2019
  14. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

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    If she didn't leave you after this, she has to love you a lot.
     
  15. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    How bout have sex with her with a mirror so you can enjoy the view?
     
  16. Wugazi32

    Wugazi32 Fapstronaut

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    I'm in a similar boat atm....of course my wife would never be up for it, but I've been sharing her pics and vids on Xhamster, and talking to other blokes who I'm trying to engage in them having sex with her...one of my fantasies is double vaginal penetration with me and another stranger on my wife....sick, I know, and I'm trying to fight it; but this battle is real. I already deleted my Xhamster account twice, but It keeps coming back.
     
  17. iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere

    iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere Fapstronaut

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    I was in the same boat.
    I made a thread called ”shared pictures of my gf” if you want to hear my progress story.
    I used to upload pics of my GF, getting reactions from others regarding her body, MO, and then take it all down, repeatedly.
    Always made sure not to combine face and body etc.

    I didnt realise that it could hurt her, but once I realised, I decided to man the fuck up and tell her. When I had told her it was easy to stop.
    This was like a year ago, we are still together and she is supporting.



    I believe these kind of behaviours are hiding something on a deeper level, in my case it was probably the fact that I was afraid that my ”fetish” would hurt her, thats why I ”acted out” online instead, hearing others talk about her in ways I didnt dare doing.
     
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  18. Wugazi32

    Wugazi32 Fapstronaut

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    Man, can totally relate! After M over the comments from strangers, I'd take down the pics then feel really guilty...only for it to happen again! Vicious cycle...!
     
  19. iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere

    iUsedToHaveAnAccountHere Fapstronaut

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    Exactly, you end up feeling like a piece of shit and it only drags you further down..
    You should read my thread, maybe my story can give you motivation and provide you with anything helpful, i have been struggling with massive waves of shame, that was my biggest issue after quitting.
    Theres also this other guy who replied to me, telling me that he had done exactly the same things for the same reasons, it has been really helpful talking to him and sharing our stories - you are not alone man, theres at least 3 of us here. Dont hesitate to send a PM or anything, I/we are happy to be able to talk about this and help eachother!
     
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  20. Wugazi32

    Wugazi32 Fapstronaut

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    Cheers mate! Ill check out the thread an follow it :)
     

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