I'm in love of a girl that suffers depression but I can't stop PMO

[TunaSandwich]

Hi guys!!! I'd REALLY appreciate your help here. I need your wise words.

Meeting the girl
Like two months ago I was chatting with a friend when he suddently said "do you want to know a girl?" (my profile image is not my reality, it's my goal, just in case) so I said "yeah why not". And he proceeded to send me this girl's phone number.
She was waiting for my message so it was awkward but easy to start talking with her.
She was so kind and easy to talk to, the problem was that she delayed too much to answer my messages (sometimes like a whole day), so I thought that she wasn't interested in me. Her friend told me to be patient so I did so.

Depression
After two weeks she told me that she was suffering from depression. Real depression (pills, etc) for years. She was so frustrated, and angry with herself. So I got it, she should be much time of the day looking for being alone. In that time I was doing NoFap challenge in hard mode, I went almost two months and I relapsed in that same week. I felt in love quickly but it was so frustrating that she took too much time to read my messages. Talking to her begun to feel like a drug, every time she answered me was a shot. I don't know why I like her so much. Finally she told me "hey, sorry for not answering, and I want to tell you that I will focus even less on answering or even check my phone, I want to focus on myself and improve". I felt so bad for her and I wanted to help, so I sent her a letter, I wrote a kind message and the same day she got the letter she wrote me on whatsapp a big message giving me thanks. She even started to talk to me on whatsapp again. Her friend says that she likes me so much, I just have to be patient.

WELL, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM BOY???
I'll tell you, I cannot do my PMO challenge, in the past I tricked myself punishing me without videogames for days or rewarding me with them (I posted about it). But now I can't. Because I don't care about videogames as much as her. I mean, I can stop playing games for 4 days (and increasing every relapse) every time I fap, but now when I threat myself I just don't care about consecuences, I don't care about my rewards, I don't care about videogames! I care about her!!!!!
I felt very anxious because I have this great feeling when I talk with her, but when she doesn't answer, I crave the feeling and the feeling is very similar to the feeling when I crave PMO.

What can I do? I know that in the mornings I have great cravings for p0rn, but sometimes I don't know if I'm craving for p0rn or the healthy feeling of being in love and wanting to meet with this girl. I think the cause of why I'm pmoing is craving for love, because this girl likes me and I like her, but she suffers depression and mostly want to be alone, so I'm not getting the love I expect. OF COURSE, p0rn is not love, but my brain doesn't understands that.

She thinks I'm perfect but I know I'm not, I know I have this p0rn problem but I'm not willing to tell her while we are not even dating. How to hold myself during these circunstances?

PS: you may ask "why don't you just ask her out?", the answer is that she lives in a nearly town and my city is isolated right now (the last 8 months) because of covid, I think the next month maybe I can ask her out and travel to her town.

 

[V∧DΞR]

Hello there, I don't have much idea about love but I can tell you some tips to get rid of PMO.

I read your thread I understood some stuff. The great feeling you get is due to dopamine. Everything you do produces dopamine but the amount differs. If you watch a movie, play games, watch P@#n or do MO you get a lot of dopamine. Over time your brain gets tolerant to a certain amount of dopamine and eventually to satisfy your brain and get that good feeling you would more of what you do to get that feeling. I hope you get what I am saying.

I tricked myself punishing me

Stop punishing yourself. Punishment can go to different levels if you keep doing it(ex- beating yourself)
If you want to quit PMO you have to adopt strategies not torture.

I felt very anxious because I have this great feeling when I talk with her, but when she doesn't answer, I crave the feeling and the feeling is very similar to the feeling when I crave PMO.

I don't know much about love. I think when she is not answering you can put down the device and do some other work. Staying away from devices is the first step to get rid of P@#n.

I know that in the mornings I have great cravings for p0rn, but sometimes I don't know if I'm craving for p0rn or the healthy feeling of being in love and wanting to meet with this girl. I think the cause of why I'm pmoing is craving for love, because this girl likes me and I like her, but she suffers depression and mostly want to be alone, so I'm not getting the love I expect. OF COURSE, p0rn is not love, but my brain doesn't understands that.

If you sit on the bed for too long in the morning and keep thinking about the morning wood then you might feel like you want to MO. So, when you get up in the morning the first thing you want to do is to tidy your bed and go and brush, that way you will get rid of your urges.

Your brain is addicted(I think so.) I don't know much about you but, by my experience, "When you ignore important things in life for PMO then it is a clear sign of addiction."
Your brain wont understand your problems as it cares about the shot of dopamine you give it when you PMO, so you must now aim to stop PMO at all costs.

If p@#n is just a click away then I would recommend you to get some blockers on for a more safe recovery.(Links provided down below)

She thinks I'm perfect but I know I'm not, I know I have this p0rn problem but I'm not willing to tell her while we are not even dating. How to hold myself during these circunstances?

You know your problems and that's good. If you aim to stop it you might have a wonderful life ahead. Yes, you aren't dating then you must aim to use this time to stop your addiction.


Strategies to be used:
1) Meditation 10-30 mins daily.
2) Exercise 30 mins daily.
3) Do your work/school daily.
4) Analyze when you relapse.
5) Use the bed only for sleepi





Links:

Spoiler

I have provided you with all the methods I use to block sites with. I would recommend OpenDNS and Safe Search as they do most of the blocking.


I use these methods to block adult content, hope this is useful.

1) BLOCK BY WORDS:
I believe WI-FI routers have this feature, block the words that you end up searching which are usually the reason for your triggers( ex: p@#n,etc...)( It took me a week to get all of my PMO trigger words.) (Works on WI-FI routers)

if your router doesn't have this use this:

https://blocksite.co/

it has word blocking feature.
Make sure you enable it for incognito too.


2) Set up OpenDNS: (A little complicated but, works on all devices)(Recommended)
This is probably my personal favorite, it took me a while to set up but once it was set up it worked flawlessly.
Try blocking every porn site including twitter ( It is no less than a porn site), stock photo sharing sites, Instagram etc. OpenDNS has options that allow you to select categories that you want to block, like Adult sites, photo sharing sites etc.

Open DNS:
Step 1:https://www.opendns.com/setupguide/
Step 2:https://login.opendns.com/ (Manage which site you want to block)
Step 3: https://support.opendns.com/hc/en-u...hat-is-the-OpenDNS-Dynamic-IP-updater-client- (Update your IP address with OpenDNS.)(Important)


3) ENFORCE SAFE SEARCH(Recommended):

To enforce safesearch: (Works on all devices)
https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/510?co=GENIE.Platform=iOS&hl=en&oco=0

To lock safesearch: (Important)
https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/186669?hl=en#:~:text=To confirm SafeSearch is on,%\system32\drivers\etc .

Safe search makes sure there will be no porn or sexually arousing content in your searches, image searches.


4) WINDOWS 10 HOSTFILE BLOCKING:

https://www.tenforums.com/tutorials/141019-block-websites-using-hosts-file-windows.html

In short for windows:

1. In Windows, click the Windows key and type Notepad.
2. Right click on Notepad and choose Run as Administrator.
3. Click Yes when Windows asks if you want this program to make changes.
4. In Notepad, open your hosts file. In most Windows installations, this is located at: C:\Windows\System32\drivers\etc\hosts
5. Type 127.0.0.1 twitter.com
6. Save the hosts file.

In general '127.0.0.1 <websitename.com>' can be used in the hosts file to block any sites for your PC.

Warning: DO NOT BLOCK Windows 10 Telemetry service.


------------------------------------------------------------------------

The problem with OpenDNS:

You see OpenDNS would need to update its servers with your network's IP address every so often, for that you would need an DNS updater like https://support.opendns.com/hc/en-u...hat-is-the-OpenDNS-Dynamic-IP-updater-client- , sadly they are only available on PCs and Laptops (Till where I know).


Note: I recommend setting up OpenDNS on a network level it works like a charm. I also believe, having safesearch will prevent you from searching up stuff.

I hope the helps.
Stay strong.

 

[TunaSandwich]

Hello there, I don't have much idea about love but I can tell you some tips to get rid of PMO.

I read your thread I understood some stuff. The great feeling you get is due to dopamine. Everything you do produces dopamine but the amount differs. If you watch a movie, play games, watch P@#n or do MO you get a lot of dopamine. Over time your brain gets tolerant to a certain amount of dopamine and eventually to satisfy your brain and get that good feeling you would more of what you do to get that feeling. I hope you get what I am saying.


Stop punishing yourself. Punishment can go to different levels if you keep doing it(ex- beating yourself)
If you want to quit PMO you have to adopt strategies not torture.


I don't know much about love. I think when she is not answering you can put down the device and do some other work. Staying away from devices is the first step to get rid of P@#n.


If you sit on the bed for too long in the morning and keep thinking about the morning wood then you might feel like you want to MO. So, when you get up in the morning the first thing you want to do is to tidy your bed and go and brush, that way you will get rid of your urges.

Your brain is addicted(I think so.) I don't know much about you but, by my experience, "When you ignore important things in life for PMO then it is a clear sign of addiction."
Your brain wont understand your problems as it cares about the shot of dopamine you give it when you PMO, so you must now aim to stop PMO at all costs.

If p@#n is just a click away then I would recommend you to get some blockers on for a more safe recovery.(Links provided down below)


You know your problems and that's good. If you aim to stop it you might have a wonderful life ahead. Yes, you aren't dating then you must aim to use this time to stop your addiction.


Strategies to be used:
1) Meditation 10-30 mins daily.
2) Exercise 30 mins daily.
3) Do your work/school daily.
4) Analyze when you relapse.
5) Use the bed only for sleepi





Links:

Spoiler

I have provided you with all the methods I use to block sites with. I would recommend OpenDNS and Safe Search as they do most of the blocking.


I use these methods to block adult content, hope this is useful.

1) BLOCK BY WORDS:
I believe WI-FI routers have this feature, block the words that you end up searching which are usually the reason for your triggers( ex: p@#n,etc...)( It took me a week to get all of my PMO trigger words.) (Works on WI-FI routers)

if your router doesn't have this use this:

https://blocksite.co/

it has word blocking feature.
Make sure you enable it for incognito too.


2) Set up OpenDNS: (A little complicated but, works on all devices)(Recommended)
This is probably my personal favorite, it took me a while to set up but once it was set up it worked flawlessly.
Try blocking every porn site including twitter ( It is no less than a porn site), stock photo sharing sites, Instagram etc. OpenDNS has options that allow you to select categories that you want to block, like Adult sites, photo sharing sites etc.

Open DNS:
Step 1:https://www.opendns.com/setupguide/
Step 2:https://login.opendns.com/ (Manage which site you want to block)
Step 3: https://support.opendns.com/hc/en-u...hat-is-the-OpenDNS-Dynamic-IP-updater-client- (Update your IP address with OpenDNS.)(Important)


3) ENFORCE SAFE SEARCH(Recommended):

To enforce safesearch: (Works on all devices)
https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/510?co=GENIE.Platform=iOS&hl=en&oco=0

To lock safesearch: (Important)
https://support.google.com/websearch/answer/186669?hl=en#:~:text=To confirm SafeSearch is on,%\system32\drivers\etc .

Safe search makes sure there will be no porn or sexually arousing content in your searches, image searches.


4) WINDOWS 10 HOSTFILE BLOCKING:

https://www.tenforums.com/tutorials/141019-block-websites-using-hosts-file-windows.html

In short for windows:

1. In Windows, click the Windows key and type Notepad.
2. Right click on Notepad and choose Run as Administrator.
3. Click Yes when Windows asks if you want this program to make changes.
4. In Notepad, open your hosts file. In most Windows installations, this is located at: C:\Windows\System32\drivers\etc\hosts
5. Type 127.0.0.1 twitter.com
6. Save the hosts file.

In general '127.0.0.1 <websitename.com>' can be used in the hosts file to block any sites for your PC.

Warning: DO NOT BLOCK Windows 10 Telemetry service.


------------------------------------------------------------------------

The problem with OpenDNS:

You see OpenDNS would need to update its servers with your network's IP address every so often, for that you would need an DNS updater like https://support.opendns.com/hc/en-u...hat-is-the-OpenDNS-Dynamic-IP-updater-client- , sadly they are only available on PCs and Laptops (Till where I know).


Note: I recommend setting up OpenDNS on a network level it works like a charm. I also believe, having safesearch will prevent you from searching up stuff.

I hope the helps.
Stay strong.

Thanks for you answer!! I really really appreciate it. What you said about dopamine helped me to understand a lot more about me.

I don't know much about love. I think when she is not answering you can put down the device and do some other work. Staying away from devices is the first step to get rid of P@#n.

Yes, I think you are right. I should do better on focusing on other things. When I'm studying I silence my phone but I'll keep thinking if she may have sent a message. I'll work on that.

Strategies to be used:
1) Meditation 10-30 mins daily.
2) Exercise 30 mins daily.
3) Do your work/school daily.
4) Analyze when you relapse.
5) Use the bed only for sleep

Where can I learn to meditate? What site do you recommend me?

I would recommend you to get some blockers on for a more safe recovery

Ok, I'll get some blockers on windows! I have a locker in my phone that has helped me SO MUCH, I have a relapse every two weeks when in the past I used to relapse 3 times in a week.

Thank you very much again. I'll change my strategy to meet my needs and because of you I'm starting to think that the fact that this time we cannot meet eachother with this girl is in fact a chance to change myself.

 

[Branchman]

First of all, yes you can stop PMO.

By the way the advice of CArt_Vader (getting away or reducing devices and social media) helps a lot. It has helped me not wasting my time, reducing the chances to find triggers, and makes me less sad.

I think you should continue talking with this girl, but not everyday, I mean ("de vez en cuando háblale o escríbele") just as you did when you wrote the letter. Because if she says she won't focus on answering her phone, you won't have a quickly communication. However writting a letter is an effective way of comunication, that way she won't have to be too carefull of checking her phone, and you can talk even deeper topics. And she told you she liked the letter. And I think this will help her with her depression, because beeing/feeling lonely worsen depression.

Also depression migth make her not to have the motivation to answer the phone. So don't lose patient (paciencia), just continue talking with her expecting what is going to happen. But I think that is going to be difficult because you said "you're in love with her". I recommend you to enjoy the time with yourself and with her. Anything can happen, like both of you getting to know each other, or any of you loosing interest in the other.

I was forgetting, this journey of no PMO is goint to be difficult, but not impossible. I mean, you may have relapses or resets (stumbles- tropiezos) but don't give up. With the time things will get in place (talking about your mind and this addiction).

 

[Do all to the glory of God]

Hi guys!!! I'd REALLY appreciate your help here. I need your wise words.

Meeting the girl
Like two months ago I was chatting with a friend when he suddently said "do you want to know a girl?" (my profile image is not my reality, it's my goal, just in case) so I said "yeah why not". And he proceeded to send me this girl's phone number.
She was waiting for my message so it was awkward but easy to start talking with her.
She was so kind and easy to talk to, the problem was that she delayed too much to answer my messages (sometimes like a whole day), so I thought that she wasn't interested in me. Her friend told me to be patient so I did so.

Depression
After two weeks she told me that she was suffering from depression. Real depression (pills, etc) for years. She was so frustrated, and angry with herself. So I got it, she should be much time of the day looking for being alone. In that time I was doing NoFap challenge in hard mode, I went almost two months and I relapsed in that same week. I felt in love quickly but it was so frustrating that she took too much time to read my messages. Talking to her begun to feel like a drug, every time she answered me was a shot. I don't know why I like her so much. Finally she told me "hey, sorry for not answering, and I want to tell you that I will focus even less on answering or even check my phone, I want to focus on myself and improve". I felt so bad for her and I wanted to help, so I sent her a letter, I wrote a kind message and the same day she got the letter she wrote me on whatsapp a big message giving me thanks. She even started to talk to me on whatsapp again. Her friend says that she likes me so much, I just have to be patient.

WELL, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM BOY???
I'll tell you, I cannot do my PMO challenge, in the past I tricked myself punishing me without videogames for days or rewarding me with them (I posted about it). But now I can't. Because I don't care about videogames as much as her. I mean, I can stop playing games for 4 days (and increasing every relapse) every time I fap, but now when I threat myself I just don't care about consecuences, I don't care about my rewards, I don't care about videogames! I care about her!!!!!
I felt very anxious because I have this great feeling when I talk with her, but when she doesn't answer, I crave the feeling and the feeling is very similar to the feeling when I crave PMO.

What can I do? I know that in the mornings I have great cravings for p0rn, but sometimes I don't know if I'm craving for p0rn or the healthy feeling of being in love and wanting to meet with this girl. I think the cause of why I'm pmoing is craving for love, because this girl likes me and I like her, but she suffers depression and mostly want to be alone, so I'm not getting the love I expect. OF COURSE, p0rn is not love, but my brain doesn't understands that.

She thinks I'm perfect but I know I'm not, I know I have this p0rn problem but I'm not willing to tell her while we are not even dating. How to hold myself during these circunstances?

PS: you may ask "why don't you just ask her out?", the answer is that she lives in a nearly town and my city is isolated right now (the last 8 months) because of covid, I think the next month maybe I can ask her out and travel to her town.

First, to address your issues with PMO, please follow the links to posts I've made to several others, starting with the two in my signature, followed by this one:

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/i-feel-hopeless.292685/#post-2763300

You need to believe that it is possible, because if you begin with the idea that you will fail, you have just set yourself up for failure. In fact, victory is definitely possible, as many others, including myself, can affirm.

Secondly, to address the problems with depression, with which I also have considerable experience, let me suggest the following tips for overcoming depression, numbered simply for organization, not order of importance, because each person's case will have a different need that is more important at a given moment.

1. Get regular exercise. Exercise is the single best way to relieve stress in the body, helping the body to use up or eliminate the epinephrine/adrenaline in your bloodstream that produces the symptoms of stress: elevated blood pressure, increased heart rate, feelings of tension, anxiety, etc. At least 30 minutes of exercise per day, five days a week, is what doctors recommend.

2. Make sure to go to bed early every night. This is important for an individual struggling with depression. Have a regular sleep schedule, and get your sleep before midnight. An hour of sleep before midnight is worth two hours after. The reason for this is that the body naturally produces growth hormone (hGH / somatotropin) between about nine o'clock and eleven o'clock at night when the individual is asleep and the lights are out. HGH is almost a misnomer, for though it does play an important role in growth, it continues to function throughout one's lifetime in the regulation of metabolism. Without it, one feels tired.

3. Get some sunshine. Sunshine has a psychological effect on the mind that many do not consider until they are placed in a dark, sun-less environment for an extended period of time. It is important for one's happiness to see the light and the rich colors that are present in that light. But more importantly, sunshine on the skin converts some cholesterol into Vitamin D, which will help the body to relax, feel at peace, and be more sleepy (less insomnia). Click HERE to read an article showing a link between vitamin D and the happiness hormones of oxytocin and serotonin.

4. B-vitamins. Vitamins B1, B6, and B12 have special importance to nerve function, and they affect the entire nervous system dramatically. Any porn addict who masturbates to orgasm frequently will be depleting his or her stores of these vitamins, and depression is the result.

5. Healthful oils. Olive oil is virtually the best obtainable, having been pressed in a more natural manner than most oils, one which leaves the monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats in their natural, cis-configuration, suitable for use in nerve function. The nervous system depends on wholesome fats. Olive oil may be expensive, but isn't your health worth it? For me, personally, it was this single factor, olive oil, that helped me the most in conquering the chronic depression which I had had.

6. Help someone else. Focusing on your own problems only magnifies them and makes them seem greater than they really are. Find someone else who has a need or a problem and help that other person to solve it. You will accomplish two things at once in doing this: 1) you will learn that your own problems may not be so important in comparison with those of others; and 2) you will feel good about having done something unselfish and worthwhile--giving you an important boost to your sense of self-worth.

7. Trust in God. God knows you personally, cares about you and your problems, and knows what you need to be happy. He's ready to help when asked, and there is no better counselor in the world. Talk to Him as you would to a friend, for He is your Friend. When all others fail you, He never will.

These tips WILL help you if they are put to practice.

 

[p1n1983]

This is going to be harsh on you, but sometimes becoming red pilled is better that living in a fantasy world.

my profile image is not my reality, it's my goal

That's your first problem. your goals shoud be having a great job, great hobbies, a grate life. Woman.. kids.. family.. friends are a consecuence of living a happy life. If you are happy other happy people will be tempted to be in your life too. If you focus on having a family and having a girlfriend your goals are wrong.

she delayed too much to answer my messages

Yes, that is what a woman with low interest does.

so I thought that she wasn't interested in me

you are rigth

Her friend told me to be patient so I did so

Do what you think, not what other people say. You were rigth, she was showing low interest in you so the best course of action is to walk away from her.

After two weeks she told me that she was suffering from depression

Hugh red flag, run as fast away from her. She is bad new, a woman with depression is going to suck you up in her problems. Don't be "captain save a ho", let her fix her problems, don't try to fix them for her, their are not your problems and you bearly know her.

So I got it, she should be much time of the day looking for being alone

You are making assumption so you can keep you hopes alive the she is interested in you, she is not and you already know that but you are avoiding realitty.

Talking to her begun to feel like a drug, every time she answered me was a shot. I don't know why I like her so much

Read that again 50 times. You just chat with her a couple of time, she bearly reply to you and you are already in love. You are just obsesed with the posibility of having a girlfriend and you are holding to the idea of she been the one despite she is not into you, she have depression and you didn't see each other in person. Do you realice how delutional this is?

hey, sorry for not answering, and I want to tell you that I will focus even less on answering or even check my phone, I want to focus on myself and improve

This is what basically woman said when they want to get ride of you because they know you are already in love and they have no intention to be romantic with you.

I felt so bad for her and I wanted to help

There you have it, Captain save a ho.

She even started to talk to me on whatsapp again

Yes, she figured out you are the typicall nice guy that she can put in friendzone to use as an emotional tampon. Every time she is depresed she can use you to gain some validation an feel better about herself.

Her friend says that she likes me so much, I just have to be patient.

That's what she said, but she is doing the exact opposite. You can see exactly what she wants with her actions, never listen what she says. It's simple, or she is in or out, never wait for a woman. Never let her put you in friendzone as a backup plan.

WELL, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM BOY???

The problem is that you think that you are doing thing rigth and she really like you, but you are just one more of her simps over the phone giving her attention and helping her thru depression.

Because I don't care about videogames as much as her.

You don't even know her... you just chat with her.

I felt very anxious because I have this great feeling when I talk with her, but when she doesn't answer

You really need to focus you attention in something else. When you are focused on your goals and ambitions you forget about the chick that is not responding your text. You are so focused on her that is driving you crazy.

What can I do?

Stop talking to her. Remove her from your life, you are been used for validation.

because this girl likes me and I like her

You know she don't like you. She only like the validation you give her over the phone. And you don't like her, you are in love with the idea of her been your girlfriend, remember you never see her in person. Maybe she smeel owfull, maybe she is rude in person, maybe she has an horrible voice, all of that an also she is depressed! you don't want to handle that.

she suffers depression and mostly want to be alone

so... let her be alone! is not your problem.

so I'm not getting the love I expect

If you are not then walk away. Only weak people stay when they are not getting what they spect in a relationship (girlfriend, friends, relatives, etc) with another person.

I think the next month maybe I can ask her out and travel to her town.

Delete her phone, block her. She is bad news for your life. You don't want to deal with a depressed woman. There are healthy woman out there, don't be that desperate to settle for one of the worst in the market.

 

[TunaSandwich]

Spoiler: Text

First of all, yes you can stop PMO.

By the way the advice of CArt_Vader (getting away or reducing devices and social media) helps a lot. It has helped me not wasting my time, reducing the chances to find triggers, and makes me less sad.

I think you should continue talking with this girl, but not everyday, I mean ("de vez en cuando háblale o escríbele") just as you did when you wrote the letter. Because if she says she won't focus on answering her phone, you won't have a quickly communication. However writting a letter is an effective way of comunication, that way she won't have to be too carefull of checking her phone, and you can talk even deeper topics. And she told you she liked the letter. And I think this will help her with her depression, because beeing/feeling lonely worsen depression.

Also depression migth make her not to have the motivation to answer the phone. So don't lose patient (paciencia), just continue talking with her expecting what is going to happen. But I think that is going to be difficult because you said "you're in love with her". I recommend you to enjoy the time with yourself and with her. Anything can happen, like both of you getting to know each other, or any of you loosin interest in the other.

I was forgetting, this journey of no PMO is goint to be difficult, but not impossible. I mean, you may have relapses or resets (stumbles- tropiezos) but don't give up. With the time thing will get in place (talking about your mind and this addiction)

.

Thank you very much! I thought that she may be the source of me relapsing, I thought that it'd be better if I just go away from her, I thought that it'd be a good punishment for relapsing. But thinking and reading you I know that's not what I want. I just have to chill out. Thank you for saying this is not impossible, because that's literally what I thought today... Thank you again!

Spoiler: text

First, to address your issues with PMO, please follow the links to posts I've made to several others, starting with the two in my signature, followed by this one:

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/i-feel-hopeless.292685/#post-2763300

You need to believe that it is possible, because if you begin with the idea that you will fail, you have just set yourself up for failure. In fact, victory is definitely possible, as many others, including myself, can affirm.

Secondly, to address the problems with depression, with which I also have considerable experience, let me suggest the following tips for overcoming depression, numbered simply for organization, not order of importance, because each person's case will have a different need that is more important at a given moment.

1. Get regular exercise. Exercise is the single best way to relieve stress in the body, helping the body to use up or eliminate the epinephrine/adrenaline in your bloodstream that produces the symptoms of stress: elevated blood pressure, increased heart rate, feelings of tension, anxiety, etc. At least 30 minutes of exercise per day, five days a week, is what doctors recommend.

2. Make sure to go to bed early every night. This is important for an individual struggling with depression. Have a regular sleep schedule, and get your sleep before midnight. An hour of sleep before midnight is worth two hours after. The reason for this is that the body naturally produces growth hormone (hGH / somatotropin) between about nine o'clock and eleven o'clock at night when the individual is asleep and the lights are out. HGH is almost a misnomer, for though it does play an important role in growth, it continues to function throughout one's lifetime in the regulation of metabolism. Without it, one feels tired.

3. Get some sunshine. Sunshine has a psychological effect on the mind that many do not consider until they are placed in a dark, sun-less environment for an extended period of time. It is important for one's happiness to see the light and the rich colors that are present in that light. But more importantly, sunshine on the skin converts some cholesterol into Vitamin D, which will help the body to relax, feel at peace, and be more sleepy (less insomnia). Click HERE to read an article showing a link between vitamin D and the happiness hormones of oxytocin and serotonin.

4. B-vitamins. Vitamins B1, B6, and B12 have special importance to nerve function, and they affect the entire nervous system dramatically. Any porn addict who masturbates to orgasm frequently will be depleting his or her stores of these vitamins, and depression is the result.

5. Healthful oils. Olive oil is virtually the best obtainable, having been pressed in a more natural manner than most oils, one which leaves the monounsaturated and polyunsaturated fats in their natural, cis-configuration, suitable for use in nerve function. The nervous system depends on wholesome fats. Olive oil may be expensive, but isn't your health worth it? For me, personally, it was this single factor, olive oil, that helped me the most in conquering the chronic depression which I had had.

6. Help someone else. Focusing on your own problems only magnifies them and makes them seem greater than they really are. Find someone else who has a need or a problem and help that other person to solve it. You will accomplish two things at once in doing this: 1) you will learn that your own problems may not be so important in comparison with those of others; and 2) you will feel good about having done something unselfish and worthwhile--giving you an important boost to your sense of self-worth.

7. Trust in God. God knows you personally, cares about you and your problems, and knows what you need to be happy. He's ready to help when asked, and there is no better counselor in the world. Talk to Him as you would to a friend, for He is your Friend. When all others fail you, He never will.

These tips WILL help you if they are put to practice.

Thank you!!!!! You really elaborated. I learned from your comment that if I think I'm going to fail, I'll fail. And I'm becoming inspired to help others, to think I'm gonna do it (beat PMO) and to control my thoughts from the beggining of temptation (you are so right about it!)

Spoiler: text

This is going to be harsh on you, but sometimes becoming red pilled is better that living in a fantasy world.

That's your first problem. your goals shoud be having a great job, great hobbies, a grate life. Woman.. kids.. family.. friends are a consecuence of living a happy life. If you are happy other happy people will be tempted to be in your life too. If you focus on having a family and having a girlfriend your goals are wrong.

Yes, that is what a woman with low interest does.

you are rigth

Do what you think, not what other people say. You were rigth, she was showing low interest in you so the best course of action is to walk away from her.

Hugh red flag, run as fast away from her. She is bad new, a woman with depression is going to suck you up in her problems. Don't be "captain save a ho", let her fix her problems, don't try to fix them for her, their are not your problems and you bearly know her.

You are making assumption so you can keep you hopes alive the she is interested in you, she is not and you already know that but you are avoiding realitty.

Read that again 50 times. You just chat with her a couple of time, she bearly reply to you and you are already in love. You are just obsesed with the posibility of having a girlfriend and you are holding to the idea of she been the one despite she is not into you, she have depression and you didn't see each other in person. Do you realice how delutional this is?

This is what basically woman said when they want to get ride of you because they know you are already in love and they have no intention to be romantic with you.

There you have it, Captain save a ho.

Yes, she figured out you are the typicall nice guy that she can put in friendzone to use as an emotional tampon. Every time she is depresed she can use you to gain some validation an feel better about herself.

That's what she said, but she is doing the exact opposite. You can see exactly what she wants with her actions, never listen what she says. It's simple, or she is in or out, never wait for a woman. Never let her put you in friendzone as a backup plan.

The problem is that you think that you are doing thing rigth and she really like you, but you are just one more of her simps over the phone giving her attention and helping her thru depression.

You don't even know her... you just chat with her.

You really need to focus you attention in something else. When you are focused on your goals and ambitions you forget about the chick that is not responding your text. You are so focused on her that is driving you crazy.

Stop talking to her. Remove her from your life, you are been used for validation.

You know she don't like you. She only like the validation you give her over the phone. And you don't like her, you are in love with the idea of her been your girlfriend, remember you never see her in person. Maybe she smeel owfull, maybe she is rude in person, maybe she has an horrible voice, all of that an also she is depressed! you don't want to handle that.

so... let her be alone! is not your problem.

If you are not then walk away. Only weak people stay when they are not getting what they spect in a relationship (girlfriend, friends, relatives, etc) with another person.

Delete her phone, block her. She is bad news for your life. You don't want to deal with a depressed woman. There are healthy woman out there, don't be that desperate to settle for one of the worst in the market.

Thank you for bringing me back to reality. Anyway, I must say that I don't totally agree about what you said about my goals. I have been told that I must follow my dreams, do what gives me happiness. And my family gives me hapiness, I know that I want a family. I'm working and saving money because I want to be able to move with my potential partner, I'm studying because I want my children to not suffer needs (and because with money I can help people better), I want to get them out of this country, etc. Nothing else will give me what I consider hapiness is. Don't get me wrong, I have goals and visions like being a succesful ingeneer, etc, but they're not my biggest dreams here on earth.

Anyway, it was interesting to read and I can rescue some things that I appreciate, like, you're right, she may not be interested in me, so I have to focus on the big important things I'm doing right now, like the University. But I gotta say (maybe because of pride :S) that I'm not desperate, I like to date girls of my church in my city and nearby, I dated the "best" girls, and I had a lot (really, a lot) of girls saying that they'd like to be my girlfriend, I think that's just because I play the guitar and I upload videos playing and singing. But this girl is different, she doesn't try to call my atention, my friends are not telling me that she is one of the best, etc. I don't even care if she has a lot of problems, I DON'T KNOW WHY I LIKE HER :S, but I feel what I feel and I don't think I should judge her because of something she didn't ask for. Anyway I really appreciate your answer and you made me think a lot! Thanks! I don't think I'm going to block her, but I WILL stop having her/she (sorry for my english) in my head the whole day.

 

[ElrondHalfelven]

Hi guys!!! I'd REALLY appreciate your help here. I need your wise words.

Meeting the girl
Like two months ago I was chatting with a friend when he suddently said "do you want to know a girl?" (my profile image is not my reality, it's my goal, just in case) so I said "yeah why not". And he proceeded to send me this girl's phone number.
She was waiting for my message so it was awkward but easy to start talking with her.
She was so kind and easy to talk to, the problem was that she delayed too much to answer my messages (sometimes like a whole day), so I thought that she wasn't interested in me. Her friend told me to be patient so I did so.

Depression
After two weeks she told me that she was suffering from depression. Real depression (pills, etc) for years. She was so frustrated, and angry with herself. So I got it, she should be much time of the day looking for being alone. In that time I was doing NoFap challenge in hard mode, I went almost two months and I relapsed in that same week. I felt in love quickly but it was so frustrating that she took too much time to read my messages. Talking to her begun to feel like a drug, every time she answered me was a shot. I don't know why I like her so much. Finally she told me "hey, sorry for not answering, and I want to tell you that I will focus even less on answering or even check my phone, I want to focus on myself and improve". I felt so bad for her and I wanted to help, so I sent her a letter, I wrote a kind message and the same day she got the letter she wrote me on whatsapp a big message giving me thanks. She even started to talk to me on whatsapp again. Her friend says that she likes me so much, I just have to be patient.

WELL, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM BOY???
I'll tell you, I cannot do my PMO challenge, in the past I tricked myself punishing me without videogames for days or rewarding me with them (I posted about it). But now I can't. Because I don't care about videogames as much as her. I mean, I can stop playing games for 4 days (and increasing every relapse) every time I fap, but now when I threat myself I just don't care about consecuences, I don't care about my rewards, I don't care about videogames! I care about her!!!!!
I felt very anxious because I have this great feeling when I talk with her, but when she doesn't answer, I crave the feeling and the feeling is very similar to the feeling when I crave PMO.

What can I do? I know that in the mornings I have great cravings for p0rn, but sometimes I don't know if I'm craving for p0rn or the healthy feeling of being in love and wanting to meet with this girl. I think the cause of why I'm pmoing is craving for love, because this girl likes me and I like her, but she suffers depression and mostly want to be alone, so I'm not getting the love I expect. OF COURSE, p0rn is not love, but my brain doesn't understands that.

She thinks I'm perfect but I know I'm not, I know I have this p0rn problem but I'm not willing to tell her while we are not even dating. How to hold myself during these circunstances?

PS: you may ask "why don't you just ask her out?", the answer is that she lives in a nearly town and my city is isolated right now (the last 8 months) because of covid, I think the next month maybe I can ask her out and travel to her town.

Definitely a lot going on here and a lot that has already been said. I would just add that it's important to separate between the two issues. You obviously have strong feelings for this girl and I wish you only luck in pursuing a relationship with her. That being said, as you aren't currently in a relationship, your porn watching isn't something she needs to know about. Her depression and your difficulty in navigating your relationship with her (not in the sense of a dating relationship as I used it above, but your communicating back and forth) are giving you quite an extra helping of stress and that probably makes the porn more of an issue. I think it's important to bear in mind that it's much harder to exert that self-control when going through trying times. And I think it's extremely important to separate the issue from a potential dating relationship. The only thing you can do with her is see where things go, how you feel about her issues as time goes on and whether or not she's worth it. If you start to date, maybe it'd be worth considering couple's counseling of some sort. But all of that is way down the road. In the meantime, have some self-compassion, take it one day at a time with her and realize it might be harder to resist your urges now, than it usually is.

 

[V∧DΞR]

Where can I learn to meditate? What site do you recommend me?

I am not a meditation pro but I kinda know the basics.

Benefits of meditation:

The emotional benefits of meditation can include:

• Gaining a new perspective on stressful situations.
• Building skills to manage your stress.
• Increasing self-awareness.
• Focusing on the present.
• Reducing negative emotions.
• Increasing imagination and creativity.
• Increasing patience and tolerance.

Mediation doesn't need any sites tho. I don't use any sites/apps but I have heard of a few, links down below.

1) Serenity: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=uk.co.serenity.guided.meditation

2) Insight timer: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.spotlightsix.zentimerlite2

3) My life Meditation: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.stopbreathethink.app

Meditation can be of two types here, guided and self. If you are a beginner the I would recommend guided meditation. Most of the meditation sites recommend Insight timer and Headspace(Not in the links above), but I have given a look at Serenity and My Life Meditation both of these are quiet good so do give them a shot.

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The way I meditate is shown like in the above image. I focus only on my breath(Inhale and Exhale). Thoughts will come in your mind, you don't need to remove the thoughts as, if you focus on your breath those thoughts will come and go(You will get what I am saying when you will meditate).


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Warnings: Try meditation for the first 15 days, in that period if, you ever feel mentally disturbed/depersonalized then I would highly recommend you to stop mediating.

There is limited research on this negative side of meditation but, research shows few people who practice meditation might face negative affects of meditation like negative thinking, lack of motivation, antisocial behavior .
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So, do try meditating.

Good Luck.
Stay Strong.

 

[p1n1983]

Don't get me wrong, I have goals and visions like being a succesful ingeneer, etc, but they're not my biggest dreams here on earth.

Ok, get your point. As much as you want to be a good husbund with resourses, if you want your future childs to be happy then you need to be really carefull about who you choose to be her mother. Trust me, a woman with depression can bearly keep herself around, next time you want to date a woman remember that she is going to posibily be the mother of your childs.. pick one that is capable to fullfill that hugh responsability and provilege in your life.
Besides that, you can see that doing what you love (working, playing guitar) woman are all over you without you doing anything. That's the part were I tell you that you need to focus your goals on that, woman.. and potential girfriends / wifes are going to see the value you have and want to be in your life, you don't have to work to get woman. Work on yourelf and woman are going to be attracted to you and your succes as a man.

But this girl is different, she doesn't try to call my atention, my friends are not telling me that she is one of the best, etc. I don't even care if she has a lot of problems, I DON'T KNOW WHY I LIKE HER :S

Rejection breeds obsesion, as humans we desire what we cannot have. You have all this woman calling for your atention, they are all easy in your eyes. But this one is not doing that, she is not easy to get, she represent a challenge so you became really interested in her. You only want her, you are obsesed with her and are forgetting the part that she have hugh red flags. You just want her because she is hard to get, and she is not interested in you. That make you go crazy about her.

 

[Do all to the glory of God]

Ok, get your point. As much as you want to be a good husbund with resourses, if you want your future childs to be happy then you need to be really carefull about who you choose to be her mother. Trust me, a woman with depression can bearly keep herself around, next time you want to date a woman remember that she is going to posibily be the mother of your childs.. pick one that is capable to fullfill that hugh responsability and provilege in your life.
Besides that, you can see that doing what you love (working, playing guitar) woman are all over you without you doing anything. That's the part were I tell you that you need to focus your goals on that, woman.. and potential girfriends / wifes are going to see the value you have and want to be in your life, you don't have to work to get woman. Work on yourelf and woman are going to be attracted to you and your succes as a man.
Rejection breeds obsesion, as humans we desire what we cannot have. You have all this woman calling for your atention, they are all easy in your eyes. But this one is not doing that, she is not easy to get, she represent a challenge so you became really interested in her. You only want her, you are obsesed with her and are forgetting the part that she have hugh red flags. You just want her because she is hard to get, and she is not interested in you. That make you go crazy about her.

What is it to you if he loves someone that would not interest you? Why is it so important to you that he leave her? What is so unforgivable about struggling with depression? If you were living alone, with not a single family member around, and suppose your friends were also somehow alienated from you--would you perchance experience any depression? Now, suppose you did. Should everyone forbid those interested in you from continuing in their relationship with you?

Depression is survivable. It does not need to be permanent. How do I know? I was depressed throughout most of my growing-up years. While in college, I found my escape from it, and it was through both health (especially dietary) and social factors. Do I occasionally get depressed still? Yes, but never to the degree I once was. For the most part, I have hardly experienced depression for many years--until this year when split from my family on account of COVID and forced to live completely alone for many months. This year I've had a few bouts of it, but I'm back on my feet. God is good.

Shun whom you will, but matchmaking for others is fraught with difficulty, and largely unsuccessful. Let a man choose for himself. There is no perfect person on the planet. Choose which problems you would rather live with, because no matter whom you marry, problems will exist. And women suffer depression far more frequently than do men.

It seems that men avoiding any woman who experiences depression would be similar to women avoiding any man who craves sex. To establish such an iron rule would be to set up a vicious cycle of self-fulfilling theories.

My own advice is this: don't give your heart too quickly; but take time to get to know someone first so that you can make a wiser decision about whether or not to pursue a lifelong relationship.

 

[Deleted Account]

Craving means suffering. Don' t crave. Just help her and love her.

 

[Ordinary_Citizen]

Ok, get your point. As much as you want to be a good husbund with resourses, if you want your future childs to be happy then you need to be really carefull about who you choose to be her mother. Trust me, a woman with depression can bearly keep herself around, next time you want to date a woman remember that she is going to posibily be the mother of your childs.. pick one that is capable to fullfill that hugh responsability and provilege in your life.
Besides that, you can see that doing what you love (working, playing guitar) woman are all over you without you doing anything. That's the part were I tell you that you need to focus your goals on that, woman.. and potential girfriends / wifes are going to see the value you have and want to be in your life, you don't have to work to get woman. Work on yourelf and woman are going to be attracted to you and your succes as a man.
Rejection breeds obsesion, as humans we desire what we cannot have. You have all this woman calling for your atention, they are all easy in your eyes. But this one is not doing that, she is not easy to get, she represent a challenge so you became really interested in her. You only want her, you are obsesed with her and are forgetting the part that she have hugh red flags. You just want her because she is hard to get, and she is not interested in you. That make you go crazy about her.

I agree with you in general (no writing, no interest, go find someone better), but that part "this girl has depression, so run away from her" doesn't sound really nice to me... It may not be her fault that she's depressed. And you say that just because a person is depressed she doesn't deserve connecting with new people (correct me if I misunderstood you). Imagine that she really has depression and likes the topic starter, and she's read this part about 'getting a healthy wife'. She won't think about treatment, but that here's another proof of her worthlessness! You may think that these are her problems, but that's how depressed people react and it's hard for them to change something on their own.

TunaSandwich, maybe p1n1983 is right that she's just not into you. But if people are depressed, they may really think that nobody loves them, that everyone is using them and wants to harm and that it's just impossible that someone will like them at all. It's tremendously hard to deal with such a person. It's up to you to try to make something with her or not.

But consider the probability that she may just pretend being mysterious and miserable to get your attention.

 

[p1n1983]

"this girl has depression, so run away from her" doesn't sound really nice to me

If she were my wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, friend etc.. i would be rigth next to her to help her to get up on her feet again if she is willing to put effort on it. You do this for someone you love and is part of your life.
He bearly know this girl, he want's to date her. He is obsesed with her... but she is depressed. She can bearly get up in the morning, why would you want to date someone like that?

It may not be her fault that she's depressed

Of course is not her fault, my sister also suffered depression and took a lot of years to get better. But at least she made the effort to get better, this girl is depressed for years now and is not getting any better.

And you say that just because a person is depressed she doesn't deserve connecting with new people

Of course she deserve that, but as a man that have his shit you want to date a girl that also have her shit together. A depressed person have a lot to work on herself before been able to go out and date. You enter a relationship to give, you are not capable to do that when you are depressed. Another story would be if he only wanted her as a friend, maybe she is fun to be around and depressed lonely at home... i would recomend avoid that scenario too but at least you are not his boyfriend.

You may think that these are her problems

Yes they are, is simple as that. She need to work on them, and you need to work on yours. "I will take care of me for you, if you take care of you for me"

but that's how depressed people react and it's hard for them to change something on their own.

Again.. is their problem. The quality of your life is in direct relationship with the kind of people you spend your time with, choose wisely. I rather date fun happy woman, than depressed ones. Is my advice to him and for everyone but at the end of the day is you life, choose your own path.

 

[p1n1983]

What is it to you if he loves someone that would not interest you?

Just making a point that he bearly chat with her, he don't love her. He is just obsesed with her. In the other hand she is not into him, that's it move on with your life. Don't waste time with people that are not interested in you. If he keep talking to her he is going to keep waisting time, effort, emotions, money on a woman is not into him the same way he is into her.

Why is it so important to you that he leave her?

important? he asked for help and I like to give advice because I was like him not a long time ago and I would love that someone wake me up and tell me that I was still a blue pilled guy that has a lot to learn (I though I knew it all because I had decent luck with ladies back then)

What is so unforgivable about struggling with depression?

Nothing to forgive, it is just something you need to work on to get out of. Why a person you don't know need to put up with that crap? More in a relationship.. as I said above, you go to a relationship to give, a person in depression can bearly get out of bed..

Should everyone forbid those interested in you from continuing in their relationship with you?

I said it above, of course that I would help a friend if he fall in drepression and I know my friend would have my back if it happens to me, but you don't have to do it for a person you don't know yet.