I'm new. Please be nice

I am also new here, we can get it. Stay focused!

 

Welcome Brandon!

It's nice to know that you wants to get rid of this shity addiction of yours and you are at the right place.

I have to get one thing clear. You said "I remember using my family computer and searching up female body parts (like "boobies" and "girl private parts." This is what i referred to them as)." By "referred to them as", do you mean that you saw all women as boobs and pussy? You couldn't see them as humans?

By reading your post you really express yourself as having a big addiction to both porn and masturbation. If you trully had 900 tabs of just porn up at the same time, you must have had very much RAM in your PC, because that's hella many tabs!

Masturbating a minimum of 3 times per day must have taken much energy and time from you? I don't know how it has been for you, but those few times when I masturbated twice in one day, the first time to reach an orgasm went quite quick but the second time it feelt like forever to get the job done, even with porn. But maybe you were/are able to get the job done much faster than me. If I would have masturbated 3 or more in one day I would have spent hours most likely.

It has to be very annoying that your urges can even ruin your lunch brake on the job. It sounds like your brain has a strong grip around you, and it controls your life more or less. It's very unfortunate to here.

But you can be free from this by staying very "determined" on your goal and have faith in yourself that you can do this. Avoid at all cost to relapse and begin to do things that you truly enjoy in life, rather than doing things you "think you enjoy" even though it's your brain that's enjoys it the most.

Instead of open up 900 tabs with porn, open up 900 tabs with things you enjoy or have an interest in. Like searching for up coming video games, which you really enjoyed according to your post.

I hope I didn't wrote something that upset you? I just wanted to get things clear to myself and be a supportive community member. I hope you will get rid of this strong addiction of yours.

 

First and foremost, thank you for clearing things out for me, even though some things you could have keep for yourself, but that's up to you

1. Gotcha! Well it's good to here that you didn't see them as just "boobs" and "pussy", because it's very unfortunate when your brain has been able to manipulate you to the stage where you see women as objects instead of humans. It's also nice to here that your relationship was/is more about love than just sex, even though it's a bonus and something you both enjoyed hopefully.

2. I see, when I watched porn before I quit, I never saved them to a folder. I never watched porn while not masturbating, porn was only a tool for me to be able to ejaculate faster, since my imagination is pretty bad. I never got to the hardcore porngraphic content either, I only watched the soft stuff, because that was enough to make me get the job done. Telling me about you and your partner sending spicy photos to each other is actually none of my business. As long as you treat each other with respect and honesty, I'm happy. It's very nice of her to support you during this hard times and during this journey to a porn free life. That makes her a keeper, because some other women maybe would have left the relationship because of the strong addiction.

3. Aghh, to jerk yourself off until your penis hurts can't be a nice feeling! I guess your brain wouldn't let you stop until it received what it really wanted. I can't imagine that pain because I have never been in that situation. You must have felt so much regret afterwards? To have such a strong addiction that it would make you hurt yourself has to be awful.

4. Jesus! To loss a job because your addiction made you spend an hour in the bathroom everyday to watch porn and masturbate must have felt really bad and you must have been really disappointed on yourself. I feel sorry for you man, really.

Even though you have suffered so much from this addiction with lossing a job, sometimes spending hours of watching porn and masturbate until your dick hurts. You haven't tried or thought of reaching out to a therapist or a psychologist about this addiction of yours? It feels like this addiction has harmed you more then done you any good.

You must have a high pain threshold and also be strong mentally be able to have lived with this for such a long time, because I wouldn't.

 

There is no need to apologize, I only said that as a reminder, so you don't write something you'll regret afterwards or write something that makes your partner upset.

Sounds like you have a very loyal partner! To have a person that got your back during hard times is awesome! I can truly understand that you love her and that she's amazing, and I agree with you. Loyalty and honesty is very important in a healthy relationship!

I see, yeah, therapists can be quite expensive. Hopefully that psychiatrist will reach out to you soon enough. It's good to hear that you at least have had those thoughts of seeking professional help. Even though it might be expensive, i would suggest that you see it as an investment for a better future and for your own health. Congrats, to your new place as well!

I really hope you won't lose this full-time job because of the same reason as the other. I suppose your co-workers and boss are clever enough to understand that your long bathroom breaks doesn't have to do with stomach issues, and to tell them that you have a porn/masturbation addiction maybe would be a bad idea and get consequences even?

To get rid of an addiction as strong as yours won't disappear with a snapp of a finger. It will probably take quite some time. I'm pretty new to this NoFap journey myself. I've been porn free for 126 days and haven't masturbated in 17 days and my goal is to reach 90 days without masturbation because it seems like 90 days is the sweet spot for many that wants their brain rewired from porn/masturbation addiction, and hopefully I will feel it as well.

If I would give you some advices that might help you in this journey it would be:

- Get a porn blocking app on your phone and even on your computer if you watch porn on it as well (if you don't already have one of course). Since you mentioned that you have an android I would recommend an app I use, it's called "BlockerHero" and it is a free app to download but the free version is very limited. I pay a small fee every month for premium, so I can get the ultimate protection against the shit the internet has to offer. But the free version will give you a solid porn protection at least. But with premium you are even able to block specific words and websites, even though the app itself blocks you from porngraphic content, words can still come through. I have gone full hardcore and blocked as many websites and words as possible that I know would trigger me to relapse. It's just a recommendation, the choice is of course yours.

- See porngraphic content from a more realistic perspective. Try to see it as an industry that are able to ruin people's life. Some people (especially the women) might do things against their own will or do it to be able to survive, because they doesn't have any other choice at the moment. Do you really want to promote an industry that might harm people and in worse cases even make people take their own life because they can't live with the things they have been through or done. When I think back at the time I watch porn, I feel disgusted by myself, I'm very happy I didn't pay any subscriptions to any porn site. I don't want to support that awful industry. That industry feeds on peoples addictions, and the addiction itself won't make you see it from a realistic perspective.

- Stop give the brain what it wants. Those urges and cravings for watching porn and masturbate is all because of the brain. When you watch porn and orgasm, you brain will release dopamine, and dopamine is a pleasure hormone. Because of your addiction your brain has learned something called a "quick fix", and by that I mean, the brain knows that porn = orgasm and it will make you watch as much porn as possible until you eventually will get horny enough to begin masturbate which will lead to orgasm. It wants to release as much dopamine as possible. In the real world you won't be able to get anything you want when you want, you need to work hard to accomplish things. Why would you let your brain get things the easy way if you don't? It's easier said than done, I know, but you shall be the one who decides when you wanna do stuff and not your brain.

- Try to keep yourself busy and distracted. When you feel the strong urges to watch porn, instead of letting your brain get what it wants, go play some Super Mario or something similar that you truly enjoy. The more you do things that you "really" enjoy and stay away from porn, your brain will slowly begin to forget the porn and instead begin to enjoy the other stuff you do. Maybe you have noticed that you doesn't feel as much joy from playing games as when you watches porn and masturbate? It's because your brain releases much more dopamine when you do things your addicted to. You need to rewire your brain to be able to enjoy other things again.

I hope some of these suggestions of mine are helpful.

 

Welcome to the resistance, mate. Stay strong. Y

 

Glad to see current members actively welcoming and engaging the new comers! This is crucial for recovery...helping others helps us.

That being said, welcome to the community @HawkInMe ! This is a fantastic place to find hope...I was hopeless when I came here 5+ years ago, and now I surround myself with other like-minded individuals on the pursuit of sobriety and recovery.

I would recommend heading over to the 'Reboot Logs' section and start a journal. I choose to update 2 times a day minimum. It keeps me accountable as well as providing me a place to speak candidly about my struggles and successes. I also DM regularly with numerous members. This also works as an accountability tool while providing a way to discuss matters I may not choose to post publicly.

A few other tools I rely on are reading other posts and contributing when I feel I can add value, welcoming new comers, reading recovery literature, prayer/meditation, healthy eating, adequate sleep, exercise, and being of service to others in any other way possible.

Again, welcome to the community! Wishing you the absolute best!

 

I'm happy that you have taken my suggestions into account!

It's nice to see that you have found one distraction that might work for you. I love playing video games myself, and they have become a good distraction for me as well during the worst times of urges.

One thing I will share to you from my own experience with using video games as a distraction, is that some games might involve sexual content and that's not a good thing if you already have bad urges as it is. Unfortunately, my first time I tried NoFap, I keept myself away from both porn and masturbation for 10 days than I bought Cyberpunk 2077 one day because it had a major discount. Which was a big mistake because Cyberpunk 2077 involves much nudity and sexual content. If you have played it, you know this already? I didn't relapsed because of a specific scene or character in the game made me to, but some things in the game gave me flashbacks about porngraphic content I had watched before the NoFap attempt.

So another advice from me to you is to stay away from games with that kind of content, if you already has bad urges as it is. Games I have avoided during my second time now is Cyberpunk 2077, GTA games, The Witcher 3 and the Saint Row games. I don't even know if you even are familiar with these games or have ever played them? I just wanted to give you a hmm, of which games could make you get flashbacks, and relapse.

 

Glad to see you're taking action to get sober and stay stopped. As someone who has battled this addiction for 30+ years, consistency has been the most critical piece for me. Whenever I got "too busy" for my recovery, the old habits would creep in.

Glad to see you here my friend! Wishing you the best!

 

Hey, brother! Welcome to the NoFap gang!

I hope you get all the support that you need and overcome your addiction!

You can message me anytime about anything if you want.

 

It's good that games hasn't been a trigger factor for you, because than you won't have any restrictions what to play and what not. Especially when you use it as a distraction during hard urges.

I get a feeling that you are more of a nostalgic player or am I wrong? Because Crash Banditcoot and Spyro did I play when I was a kid, and that's maybe 15-18 years ago. Maybe they still make those games until today? I don't know since I don't play them anymore, and I don't have any interest of them either. At least those games you mentioned in your recent post doesn't have any sexual content in them which is good, especially during a rewire.

One of the reasons I also want to quite especially my porn addiction is because I can't wait for GTA 6 to be released sometime 2025, and I know for sure that it will include both nudity and sexual content, and I want to be able to play it without getting flashback of the past and begin to do stupid shit again. If a sex scene appears I want to see it like " A couple is having sex together and having a good time and that's nothing strange with that", and after that I keep enjoying the game. If it would have released today when I'm not rewired and one of those scenes would have appeared or something similar, my brain would have got stuck with that specific scene and my focus on the game would have been more or less impossible. I hope you catch my drift?

 

Welcome, and success on your journeys, not just this one. There are many factors that contribute to what we do in our lives. I hope you can overcome them.