I'm starting a group called C90

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by I_AM_AWESOME, Dec 24, 2018.

  1. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    Here I am, late at night, alone, on the web, on the popular photo app site that shall go not named, 14 days in, not a good combo for me. Better come here and do something better then go to bed.

    It is funny though, eventually body parts just look like slabs of skin, fat and muscle and your like 'why... am I attracted to this again? oh right the .0000001% of my brain is trying to claw its way to the forefront.'

    It's not even activated and I'm not interested in activating it because then it's the fight. But these small things, this little tiny things are what starts us down the road. The next day its a little more and then more and then you're in the land of regret.

    I'm calling this @#[email protected]# out right now!! We're done with that!! GO TO BED!!!
     
  2. rkim

    rkim Fapstronaut

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    Can i still join?
     
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  3. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    You can. I post everyday, some people contribute occasionally, I dont track members , they come and go.

    You are welcome to read along, you're welcome to comment and contribute, any of that.

    If you want accountability see my x90 group.

    What do you hope to get out of this?
     
  4. rkim

    rkim Fapstronaut

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    Im looking for accountability partner who can keep me in check. I will look into your x90group. Thank u ^^
     
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  5. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to C90 Day 15!!!!!
    YES!!!!
    I'm making the choice to be happy today. My brain wants to focus on how many things are wrong and I'm determined to turn that around.

    I think about how many things are right.

    I think about the good parts of the things that are "wrong" (turn each one around).

    I remember other times where I successfully turned my mood around (like yesterday driving home, I did the same thing and it worked do I know I can do this).

    I think about how i know the moment i get to talk to someone else my whole mood will change for the better, usually when I walk into work and joke with my friends.

    I think about how everything is ok, everything is going to be ok and in the grand scheme of things, everything is really perfect.

    Wow working!!
    Have a great day everyone!!!
     
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  6. Daniel1

    Daniel1 Fapstronaut

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    Hello friends!

    I'll be joining the challenge as well, I love the positive talk we got going on in here and I will do my best to contribute. My longest streak has been 66 days and I had one this summer of 40 days. I'm looking forward to breaking those records with you these upcoming months!
     
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  7. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    Cool man, welcome aboard.

    Why do you want to get pmo out of your life?
     
  8. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to C90 Day 16!!!!!
    16 days ago it was Christmas, 16 days ago I was filled with gratitude and happiness, 16 days ago I said let's do this!!!

    For some of us (I hope all of us) we're free from pmo and we are writing new neural pathways in our brains. Those pathways are new learnings on how to deal with stress, anxiety, sadness, depression, etc etc etc.

    For some, it's all still the same and that's perfectly ok. We'll all get there eventually. It may feel like its gonna be this way forever but I promise you, it wont be.

    It's like a ship sailing across the sea. Ships dont go in a straight line. They tack back and fourth slowly moving towards their destination.

    Motored ships dont tack but drive directly to where they're going. The crew is constantly making course corrections because the ship will drift off course buy eventually they get there.

    As you drive towards freeing yourself from this, you re gonna slip and fall, those are your course corrections. You'll see what went wrong and make a change. You wouldn't be here reading this if that were not true. Eventually you will reach your destination.

    Have a great day my friends!!!
     
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  9. Daniel1

    Daniel1 Fapstronaut

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    I want to get PMO out of my life because of three main reasons:

    1. Regain motivation to meet girls. PMO severely impacts my motivation to meet girls. I've noticed massive shifts in my motivation when I've been off PMO for 30+ days: all of a sudden I notice and appreciate all the beautiful women around me.

    2. Being the best I can be. For one, porn is a source of shame for me, it's a way of avoiding my emotions and distracting myself from dealing with stress or boredom. This pattern of dealing with the stresses of life is negative and it lowers my confidence and pride in who I am and who I know I can be. Furthermore, I've noticed that when I'm off porn I'm way more confident, I feel better in my own skin and I am proud of who I am, which is of benefit to everyone in my surroundings.

    3. Improve sexual enjoyment and confidence. The past times I've had sex I've either been struggling to get or stay hard. This brings a slight worry into the bedroom every time and it outright sucks, neither I nor the partner I'm with can enjoy it full out and it really kills an otherwise good sex life.

    For me personally, and I hypothesize that the same holds true for others as well, the real addiction isn't to pornography: it's an addiction to distraction/immediate gratification to deal with the stresses in life. I've noticed in the past that when I was deciding not to watch porn, I would turn to other ways of distracting myself instead, like food and TV-shows. But that's also why the addiction has kept coming back, because I was merely substituting it with another outlet.

    So a massive key for me is to beat the addiction to distraction; to stop turning to sources of immediate gratification when I'm bored, stressed or feel any kind of unease.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2019
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  10. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    I would say, based on my experience that you're addicted to the dopamine rush you get from looking at porn.

    Picture a horizontal line where above the line you feel comfortable and below the line you feel uncomfortable.
    Its natural, as humans to try to get above that line the moment we dip below it.

    For you and many others getting out from under that line is thru pornography. You get a major rush of dopamine every time you watch it.

    Now the hardest thing to do here is to say, "I'm stopping Period". That would not be maintainable in the long term.

    Instead, you have to find something to replace to replace it with.

    In the past, when you have made the decision to stop pmo, you have substituted tv, food etc. instead as you have mentioned.

    That's not necessarily a bad thing because it saves you from porn and gives you something to do. But obviously you dont want to become addicted to tv and food.

    So you should plan what you'll do instead and if it includes tv or food that's ok as long as it's in moderation. You'll want to include time for working out, studying to better yourself, meditation, getting outside into nature, being with others etc etc. Whatever those things are, make a list and when that urge comes up, you have a menu of choices.

    This is not gonna be automatic and done just because you've decided it. You should mentally rehearse the situation in your head picturing that urge hitting you and you choosing something else. The more you rehearse the more prepared youlk be for the real deal.

    Also, if you look at the times you typically act out, plan for them and make arrangements so that you are not vulnerable when they arrive.

    The key to this is planning.
    Good luck and I hope this helps.
     
  11. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    Oh, ah before I forget, your goals look good, keep focusing on them!!!
     
  12. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to C90 Day 17!!!

    I'm feeling it today. I'm up early to go to an appointment I don't want to and uhhh my brain is lying to me when it says I just want to see "something".

    I'm here to write this instead of doing that.

    I know that this is a momentary feeling and will pass.
    I know that will take me down a road that is very hard to turn back on
    I know that I'm feeling this because I'm in a state of communicability
    I know there's also a slight withdrawal going on, my brain is used to that shot of dopamine. If I could go jump out of a plane right now, I would because that would do it too
    I know that if I did that it would be 2 seconds of joy followed by disappointment (though never beating myself up)
    I know if I did that I'd be letting my significant other down
    I know I'd be letting myself down
    I know that it's totally not real, it is 100% artificial
    I know that none of those people on the screen care for me and if anything they just want my money
    I know that if I did that then it would be harder later on today or tomorrow when I have to start over
    I know that I love myself too much to do that
    I know that I respect myself too much to do that
    I know that I'd be letting this accountability group down
    I know I'd lose a point in my X90 group
    I know it'd be the first time in 2019 and that would be a major bummer
    I know that doing this will take me out of that
    I know that exercise will take me out of that
    I know that it is just not worth it
    I know that I'm better than that
    I know that I'm worth more than doing that
    I know that my relationship is worth more than doing that
    I know that the love I feel for my gf is worth more that doing that
    I know that later on I'll feel regret
    I know that seconds after its over that I'll ask myself, why was I attracted to that?
    I know that seconds after it's over I'll have zero interest in it
    I know that I'm stronger than the version of myself that gives into that
    I know that I'm grateful for the days I do have
    I know that I'm grateful for the people I've met on this board and how much they've helped me
    I know that I'd feel shame if I did that
    I know that I'd feel embarrassed if I did that
    I know that it's just not worth it, it's just not worth doing... at all... for any reason.

    There is not one single reason to do that, not one so why do it?

    Well... I can tell you that after writing all that, the moment has passed. As fast as it would have been over if I went down that road, it's over for me on this road, the road of happiness, satisfaction and huge rewards.

    It's about focus. When you're going thru it, you're focused on that one thing you think you need. You gotta focus on something else. Do your thing, that thing that gets you out. I find writing helps but there are a million other things to do. If you don't have your thing, find one that works or many that work.

    Have a great day!!
     
  13. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    Challenging day today. I'm working from home which at times has been difficult. I generally don't do it because I like the connection I get being at work. There's this whole thing I'm going to write about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. It's exactly what I'm going thru and I know it'll pass, it always does. Its just like getting your teeth drilled, its very hard to sit still.
     
  14. redoanew

    redoanew Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much I believe that is true I have a new job that is filling those needs and my temptations are way down. I am very exited about the progress that I have made so far. But now that my life is better in a lot of ways I have a second thinking err that I am struggling with where I tell myself that it is not a big deal and that it would be fun I need to recommit and re-remember why I am doing this in the first place and how it has ruined my life.
     
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  15. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, thanks for replying, it's great to hear from you and great to hear that you are doing so well.

    Maybe you read in some of my other posts where I gave this saying...."That thought is a lie!!!!"

    That is what you're having with your second thought.
    Remember, not every thought your mind tells you is true. That statement m, to me was a massive revelation when I first heard it.
    Your brain is literally lying to you to get what it wants. Its suffering because it doesn't have that dopamine hit so itll do anything to get it.

    Yes, now is the time to review your whys. A good exercise is to write them all out on a piece of paper, in as much detail as you can. Go crazy, write 50 or 100.

    Take things out to an exagerated ending. For example I have on my list, I dont want to go to jail. Now I'm not doing anything illegal but I know based on my own experience and others that following the road of porn, I'll eventually go to prostitutes. If I go there I'll probably go to other places which arent gonna be nice places. I know eventually I'll end up in jail. So I put that down

    I also put down that I'll lose my job and my house. Those things are not inconceivable if I continue.

    So write down your list and review it again tomorrow. You have to get this list in your brain.

    Good luck
     
  16. Still trucking along here. Really have not had any strong urges, and it’s liberating to not have my mind on the wrong things all the time. When thoughts pop up I imagine a big red X through it and refocuse on something positive. I’m also concentrating more on hobbies and work which keeps my mind in the right place which is a big help.
     
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  17. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    Dude that's totally awesome, you re reprogramming your mind.

    If you practiced that when not triggered, youd find it easier to do next time you are truggered.

    Also look up the swish technique, in that you smash the image and replace it with what you want to happen

    Good going dude!!!
     
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  18. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to C90 Day 18!!!

    It's also Friday!!! I'm feeling great. Yesterday was a little challenging in the trigger department. Alot of alone time, visual triggers and life stresses. It all worked out great though and I'm grateful for every moment I get to breath air.

    Let's talk about comfortability. If you read my post the other day about the line where above the line you feel great and below it you don't.

    That line is so fine, that I used to not really know where it is. I used to think about it (when I was starting out on this journey), that it had to be something significant, like a fight with my gf or someone at work. Something major, that's what i thought. A big thing.

    Now, I see it as anything that puts us in any state of "I'm not comfortable". It could be hunger, it could be boredom, it could be tiredness. It doesn't mean some big thing happened.

    It could be some tiny thing that I'm slightly stressed about that's may or may not happen way down the road. It's anything that I classify as "not happy".

    Anyway, there's a saying that I've heard and read a 1000 times, "get comfortable with being uncomfortable". It's a neat saying and interesting when you try to apply it. You have to recognize it though. You have to say to yourself, "ok, I'm feeling uncomfortable and that's OK and I'm not gonna do anything about it".

    It's hard though because when we are in that space we try so hard to get out of it. We fight, we crawl, we scratch our way back to comfort.

    But sitting there and sitting through it without doing anything take discipline and practice. It's not easy.

    Sometimes when we're fighting the urges, we find that nothing works to cure them. We definitely don't want to PMO but we also cannot get free of them. These are those moments where you have to practice being comfortable with being uncomfortable and just wait it out.

    We're so busy with out lives and we're almost taught that we must be entertained every minute that we're awake.

    Whether we are triggered or not, there's a lot to just doing nothing. Sitting there and just being, not entertained and not really doing anything.

    If you study this enough you'll undoubtedly find meditation which can be a similar exercise. I'm not currently doing meditation but I have in the past. I'm looking to get back into it. It takes a good amount of discipline but is very rewarding when it all clicks. It slows down your brain and you feel much better about everything. You realize that everything is ok and going to be ok. A total stress reliever.

    Have yourself a great day my friends, find some time to do nothing this weekend, find some quiet time to rest your busy brains!
     
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  19. Daniel1

    Daniel1 Fapstronaut

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    I think you bring up some excellent points about learning to be comfortable in your discomfort.

    To add to that, I've noticed from my experience that it's important to respect your limits and build this "comfort-in-discomfort-muscle" over time. It's a well established fact that our self control is a muscle, both in the sense that it gets stronger when exercised but also in the sense that it gets tired after being exercised a lot.

    I therefore try to avoid period of times where I may be stuck in an uncomfortable situation for too long, for instance if I have nothing planned for the weekend - I make plans

    So I think a 2-tier approach is best:

    1. Fill up your schedule with things that engage and energize you, find awesome projects to be involved with
    2. I'm the downtime, when you may find yourself in a feeling of unease, practice being mindful in those moments and accepts your discomfort as just the way it is: it will go away soon enough anyway

    I also really agree that meditation is a great practice, I've taken up a daily routine with the app Headspace. They even have a 30-day pack called "Dealing with cravings" that I find very useful. It's also a great way to exercise yourself in being comfortable in your discomfort.

    All the best friends!
     
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  20. I_AM_AWESOME

    I_AM_AWESOME Fapstronaut

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    Hey Daniel, thanks for the excellent contribution and insight. I totally agree on everything you said but hadn't considered the over worked discipline.
    I can see in myself where when I try to go too much I'll hit a point where I dont care and I stop doing everything.
    For all the things we need to do in a day, it's easy to get overwhelmed.

    Thanks or the tips on meditation. I've used that one before and it's good.

    Meditation is excellent, I really need to start that.
    Thanks
     
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