Hi guys, I’ve always thought people could completely heal and recover from porn but as I keep reading other people stories, some doubts come to my mind
Why do people PMO clean for 1 year or more sometimes keep relapsing and start their journey from 0? This means addiction isn’t cured at all or you wouldn’t find yourself in the same rabbit hole over and over?
Then I found this article online and my fear starts being more concrete
Can someone who’s more than 3/4 years PMO clean assure me that overcoming this addiction by ourselves is possible? Or is it just my withdrawals anxiety that’s kicking in right now? And do withdrawals (this sense of void and derealization) actually disappear with time or did I permanently damage something in my brain? Thx for your replies
Hi hokipa, great question! Thanks for asking!
This is actually something I am going to be posting on more soon, and my experience with exactly what you're asking.
I've been what I would consider "free" from porn and masturbation for around 2 1/2 years, after struggling with it for over 20 years.
In my experience, the game-changer was learning how to effectively handle and resolve the urge when it hit me. You described that urge very well: "In that moment my body was filled with the feeling of excitement that I knew from the times when I was browsing through Porn..."
When I started to focus on learning how to handle that urge effectively, having a clear, step-by-step plan that was in place in advance, I started having major victories. I found that I was building a skill, and the more I did it, the easier it got.
Now, to answer your question, what happened to me was that the urges did decrease in frequency and in intensity. But I still get urges. I can't imagine being a functioning male and not ever feeling the urge to watch porn, especially given the fact that we, in this current time in history, can literally see any image or video we want within a few seconds. How could anyone not feel the urge when that option is constantly at our fingertips?!
But the bottomline was that for me, urges do still come, but they are fewer and farther between, and less intense than in the past. And the key for me is that I know EXACTLY what I am going to do when the next urge hits me. I have a plan in place, and I know it works. And because of this, I actually look forward to the next urge, because it gives me another opportunity to practice this skill and to get even better at it.
You mentioned overcoming this addiction "by ourselves." In my experience, if you want to drastically increase your chances of achieving freedom, include others in your journey. You already are by being on this forum! Way to go! If you want to increase your chances even more, consider meeting with an in-person group like Sexual Addicts Anonymous (I believe this is the name of the 12-step group), or Pure Desire (which I have met with for almost 3 years). There's nothing like sitting with a group of other individuals who know exactly what it's like, seeing the nodding heads, hearing others going through similar things, and hearing hope and encouragement live and in person.
Lastly, while urges do still come, living in this freedom is absolutely a night and day difference compared to before. It's amazing. I am no longer controlled by the urges. My time is my own again. I don't feel that constant shame, guilt, and fear of my wife finding out. I no longer feel divided, like part of me is hiding. I feel more whole, integrated, confident. It's amazing, and absolutely worth pursuing hard after and paying hard costs to achieve it.
Hopefully this helps. But don't give up. Freedom is possible, and it is absolutely worth it!