Is it possible to heal completely from porn addiction?

I think it depends on what you mean with "heal completely". In my opinion you should define a clear goal for your NoFap journey. Do you want to get rid of any issues that you encounter during Sex with a real partner? (ED, premature ejaculation, etc.) Do you want to abstain from porn for a period of time or forever?

It doesn't sound encouraging but I once have heard that everybody will relapse sooner or later. And I actually agree. In fact, in 2020 I had a strike of around 270 days. I broke it because I was triggered by a computer game that had a short erotic scene. In that moment my body was filled with the feeling of excitement that I knew from the times when I was browsing through Porn and in a Moment of unrational thinking I found myself ejaculating to Porn. The worst part is that I did not see any negative impact. The Sex with my wife was still good. So my mind told me: "You see? You can have Porn from time to time with no negative impact." And like this I slipped back into old habits. And after a while all the negative impacts appeared again.

So, coming back to your question, if it is your goal to never watch porn again, I am afraid that most of us will not "heal completely". This is a never ending project where you have strong periods and weak periods.

My personal goal is to improve my sexlife with my partner. For this I have to avoid Porn as much as I can. Will I relapse? I am pretty sure. But I will enjoy as much as possible the time between the relapses.

 

Hi hokipa, great question! Thanks for asking!

This is actually something I am going to be posting on more soon, and my experience with exactly what you're asking.

I've been what I would consider "free" from porn and masturbation for around 2 1/2 years, after struggling with it for over 20 years.

In my experience, the game-changer was learning how to effectively handle and resolve the urge when it hit me. You described that urge very well: "In that moment my body was filled with the feeling of excitement that I knew from the times when I was browsing through Porn..."

When I started to focus on learning how to handle that urge effectively, having a clear, step-by-step plan that was in place in advance, I started having major victories. I found that I was building a skill, and the more I did it, the easier it got.

Now, to answer your question, what happened to me was that the urges did decrease in frequency and in intensity. But I still get urges. I can't imagine being a functioning male and not ever feeling the urge to watch porn, especially given the fact that we, in this current time in history, can literally see any image or video we want within a few seconds. How could anyone not feel the urge when that option is constantly at our fingertips?!

But the bottomline was that for me, urges do still come, but they are fewer and farther between, and less intense than in the past. And the key for me is that I know EXACTLY what I am going to do when the next urge hits me. I have a plan in place, and I know it works. And because of this, I actually look forward to the next urge, because it gives me another opportunity to practice this skill and to get even better at it.

You mentioned overcoming this addiction "by ourselves." In my experience, if you want to drastically increase your chances of achieving freedom, include others in your journey. You already are by being on this forum! Way to go! If you want to increase your chances even more, consider meeting with an in-person group like Sexual Addicts Anonymous (I believe this is the name of the 12-step group), or Pure Desire (which I have met with for almost 3 years). There's nothing like sitting with a group of other individuals who know exactly what it's like, seeing the nodding heads, hearing others going through similar things, and hearing hope and encouragement live and in person.

Lastly, while urges do still come, living in this freedom is absolutely a night and day difference compared to before. It's amazing. I am no longer controlled by the urges. My time is my own again. I don't feel that constant shame, guilt, and fear of my wife finding out. I no longer feel divided, like part of me is hiding. I feel more whole, integrated, confident. It's amazing, and absolutely worth pursuing hard after and paying hard costs to achieve it.

Hopefully this helps. But don't give up. Freedom is possible, and it is absolutely worth it!

 

You cannot overcome it by yourself. You will need help and support. It requires a lot of work, commitment and life changes. Studies suggest only 5% get into long term recovery (5 + years clean) and relapse is most common at around one year of sobriety. You have permanently changed your brain with your addiction but because of plasticity you can overwrite those neuropathways with new coping mechanism’s. Watch the backwards bicycle to understand better how your brain works. Too many come to these forums and think they will just stop, when reality is it’s much harder and more work than they realized. Counseling, group, accountability partners, journaling, educating yourself on how to change and what you’re doing to yourself are all steps towards healing that most don’t ever practice. Treating Pornography Addiction by Dr. Kevin Skinner is a great book to help get started. Seeing a csat, addressing any mental health issues like depression, adhd, or neurodiversity like autism if you’re on the spectrum. Is it hard? Yes, very. Impossible? No.

 

Only you control you. You choose. So theoretically, yes you can overcome by just stopping. Just stop. Is it likely? No. Go to sa or saa groups or pure desire, find a group that’s free and can help. Get accountability partners, again free. A csat can greatly help you but many can’t afford them. So read everything you can. Facing the shadow by Carnes is a good workbook to go through. It took my husband 4-6 months before we noticed changes. He’s 4 years into recovery and still has struggles ( urges) but he’s better armed to address them now. The last 2 years has been the most growth and change. He says it gets much easier but he never takes it for granted and always does something for his “ recovery” work. He goes to 2 group meetings a week ( and has for 4 years now) sees his csat once a month and has several accountability partners. Fortunately ( unfortunately?) I know immediately if he’s struggling or slipped based solely on his behaviors. He’s much better at self awareness now ( knowing his addiction cycle was a huge help) but in the beginning, I usually pointed it out to him. He is much more mindful now, but we had to address his depression, and adhd before he had any real success with his addiction. You really need to understand yourself. To know yourself. I think that’s where counseling helps immensely.

 

Although they don’t yet have enough studies or facts, I don’t think the amount of time you’ve been adducted is the most harmful/worst factor. I think it’s far more harmful for you younger men. Many have been viewing unlimited porn while their brains were developing. So those pathways are stronger because they were introduced and learned at such a young age. Think of how easy you learn things as a child, riding a bike ( which you never forget) swimming, languages etc…. If you didn’t start until 17, then you have less damage than someone who started at 9 even if you both only have 10 yrs of addiction. If that makes sense? This is why young men at 20 are experiencing pied while it took until age 45 for my husband to experience that same damage. He didn’t grow up with unlimited porn. He couldn’t get it. All we had were magazines and it was very difficult to get those. We didn’t have internet until he was almost 40 and even then it wasn’t high speed. Don’t get discouraged if it takes longer than you think. But don’t minimize the damage that’s been done either. This addiction is very easy for the addict to “ compromise or justify or minimize” behaviors that keep you in your addiction. Seriously, treat recovery as if your life depends on it. Get clean and sober and watch how your life will change! Addiction is terrible. It will affect every aspect of your life and relationships, but you won’t see it until it’s destroyed everything. No one, not even my husband , knew he was an addict. Once we knew, our entire life and marriage started to change. He is a completely different man. 5 years ago, I couldn’t wait to divorce him, when he walked into a room, I walked out. I hadn’t said I love you in 17 years, he’d say “I love you” and I’d say “that’s good, or ok”. Months before he began recovery he said “ I really like you” and I said “ I don’t like you”. I couldn’t wait to escape, was just waiting on my youngest to graduate. That’s completely changed with him starting recovery work and getting clean. He’s my favorite person in the world tied only with my kids. He’s amazing to me. My best friend.

 

It's fully possible to recover but believing that you will never ever be interested in porn again is not realistic IMHO; it's something that you'll need to be careful about for life, just like a gambling addict or alcoholic.

Once we create a habit, it's in our brains forever; this is both good and bad. You just need to avoid it and then the habit becomes grey and dusty in your mind and you won't even know it's there. Listen to the latest episode of the Diary of a CEO podcast to learn more about addictions and overcoming them.

It's important to remember that this forum is not filled with every person in the world giving up PMO; just the ones that choose to find this forum for help – most likely the most addicted. Some people give it up quite quickly and easily. Another reason some people's posts can get you down is the people that are doing really well tend to leave these forums behind as they are finally free from PMO. They don't want to keep thinking about PMO all the time, so you see more negative than positive here. They're out living their lives without PMO getting in the way.

When I recovered, I wasn't thinking about this forum. I left a quick post and then got back to life. But I was a fool and a shitty few days pushed me back to it. Don't let the fear get you down. The withdrawals only prove that you have a problem.

Read the success stories, of which there are many.

 

As for the depression and anxiety, I found that they were worsened at first as the withdrawal was kicking in. My dopamine was all messed up so I drank more coffee and used Instagram. A therapist is an excellent idea and keeping as social as possible really helps. Porn substitutes prolong the negative IMHO; I was doing this for ages and barely realized I was doing this!

 

All addictions are like that.
There's not a time when someone is totally healed.
But with PMO, you can recover and build a good life.
Then later on, you won't be using the sex drive the way you used to do.
When you have sex, it won't be looking at a screen with your hand.
It's with someone you care about who cares about you.
You gain self-control through this process of self-improvement and value-creation.