Is it sex addiction?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by KASE1228, Jul 31, 2020 at 2:54 PM.

  1. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    I just see lots of bad decisions. Including the decision of trying to change an adulterer. Everyone is responsible for their own decisions, no-one else. I comment on them, because this is a public Internet forum, so others can learn from those mistakes. That's all what a public Internet forum is good for and meant for.

    You don't need super natural powers to see an already married man with three children isn't an ideal marriage prospect. That's the typical case of "The ship has sailed, but I won't accept it, because he's my high school sweetheart." The results she got were exactly what to expect from such a scenario.

    That doesn't actually matter.

    I will never talk about third parties who do not post on this forum. This is called gossip and I won't participate in it. Unless the person concerned registers here themselves and can defend themselves, I won't discuss their alleged "sex addiction problems" behind their back.

    That's why I focus on OP and her decisions, because that's the only thing that matters for this thread.
     
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2020 at 7:20 PM
  2. Wow, it's amazing how accurate this statement is.

    Multiple times in my life I have been "cheated on" by a gf and blamed myself. I thought there must be something wrong with me.
    In hindsight I saw that, wait a minute, none of these women had been cheaters before. None of them had that in mind when they got into a relationship with me. They had nothing but the purest intentions and they thought that they might have a successful relationship with me.

    Little did they know how destructive my wanking habit was, even if I had told them upfront that I enjoy porn and masturbation. Unfortunately, much of society growing up seemed to suggest that masturbation was a good thing and any belief system which prohibited masturbation was "stuck in the dark ages" :rolleyes:

    I see it now. My wanking habits were obsessive and compulsive. As a teenager, once a day was never enough and once porn was added to the fire it became an obsession for sexual pleasure that absolutely ruled my life. Not only did it eat away at my soul, it ate away at my relationships and in turn it ate away at the souls of my partners.

    It is correct. There was no sign around my neck saying that I was an obsessive wanker. I didn't even realise that this was the case despite the writing on the wall.

    Let's blame the disease. Let's blame society. Let's blame porn. If we need to blame one person in the relationship, then let's blame the addict. We all get into relationships in search of love and that is such a high and noble cause, one can not blame a person for loving.

    My heart goes out to the OP. I respect her courage and perseverance. She is just now starting to get an idea of the terrible disease with which her husband is afflicted and is trying to navigate these troubled waters as best she can. I wish her all the best and hope that she will find an abundance of support on NoFap and elsewhere.
     
    Lilla_My and KASE1228 like this.
  3. Diesel1985

    Diesel1985 Fapstronaut

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    The only thing I'll say about this is: Mature, fix your shit or give that child to better parents
     
  4. kaia

    kaia Fapstronaut NoFap Defender

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    So, can we take that to the next level and also say that the decisions of others are not ours to generate a response to? Think about that one for a sec. did she ask us to evaluate her decision to get married years ago? You seem to be unable to control your itch to belittle someone who seeks guidance.

    So, at the root of your noble service to the people’s of the internet public forum lies a nugget of Opinionated functional materialism.

    literally, it seems like you are saying that the sole goodness and purpose of this forum is to provide a place for you to judge people so that they can realize their fallacies. What about the part where support and advice replace cognitive distortions, etc. this is about your ego instead of a community for healing and support.


    But......uh.....
     
    Chefb87 and +TenPercent like this.
  5. KASE1228

    KASE1228 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, I truly appreciate it. My husband came looking for me after he got divorced. The reason he married his ex wife was because she was pregnant, he was trying to do the right thing. There is a lot to my story but I stand by the boy and now man I have known for 25+ plus years. I know that he knows he needs help. I am just giving him time to feel safe enough to ask for that help. He has come a long way and I see him getting there.
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  6. engelman

    engelman Fapstronaut

    Is he aware he has a problem? does he want to change and heal from it? Is he going to therapy, reading books about the topic, writing/reading on this forum? If not, I'm afraid you should not use "we" when it's only you the one who wants things in your marriage to get better. And the fact that you're here "crying for help" instead of him ... it's not a good signal.

    You can't help him if he doesn't want to change. The way I see it, you only have two options: leave him (the sensible but quite hurtful thing to do) or try to make him wake up and realise about his problem (a much harder -but rewarding- and equally hurtful task to accomplish). You know what you still get from him and from your marriage and if it's worth the price and effort you both will have to pay in order to try to recover from this. Recovery is feasible, but it's not easy at all, and it seems he's still at stage one.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020 at 12:56 AM
    RedDeadredemption likes this.
  7. KASE1228

    KASE1228 Fapstronaut

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  8. KASE1228

    KASE1228 Fapstronaut

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    Who are you people .... so you have never had a bad situation you were in? So your going to determine who I am as a parent based off of this? If there is one thing we do really really well is be the best loving parents we can be to our child! You have no idea! I truly hate all the judgement on a site I came onto to get help, not get beaten up on. Look in the mirror people I know I am not the only one going through issues!
     
  9. KASE1228

    KASE1228 Fapstronaut

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  10. KASE1228

    KASE1228 Fapstronaut

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    Again that’s why I am here. He finally said it out loud. He said he knows what he is asking for is f-uped. He said admitting that he wants to see me with another man was degrading for him. He said he knew he was no longer the godly man he used to be he said he knew he needs to do better. That’s why I am here, he obviously knows there is a problem, admitting it is the next step so that he can then get help. Help that I am asking for on this site so that I can hand it to him. Yes everyone I know that if eventually he does not get help I would have to leave, but I’m not going down without a fight!
     
  11. NeedSomeHelp2

    NeedSomeHelp2 Fapstronaut

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    Some people just never grow serious enough to be able to get married and have children.
    Your husband is one of those people.
    Its a shame you haven't found a better partner.
    I feel sorry for the child.
     
    Diesel1985 likes this.
  12. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    He is not posting here. So he is not the topic of the discussion. It's the wife, who doesn't want to discuss her bad decisions (because she obviously only made perfect decisions) and instead wants a thread about discussing someone else behind his back. Every time someone points out her problems, you get full denial.

    This is a forum focused on self-improvement. We all have been in bad situations making bad mistakes. We might have been in denial of those mistakes for while before finally accepting the reality, correct the mistakes and moving on.

    You yourself are the only person you can change. And that's exactly the person who needs to change. You need to change into a person, who an sexual deviant adulterer is running away from as fast has he can. If an adulterer doesn't hate you and runs into the other direction, you're doing it wrong. If he doesn't want to divorce you, you need to change until he wants to ASAP.

    This is because once you changed into someone, adulterers hate with every fiber of their body, men who have standards and integrity are going to like you. This is the only approach what works. If you still believe, that everyone around you has to change so you don't have to change, you have the mindset of a child.

    You improve yourself, you start making better decisions, your life gets better. Nobody else is responsible for making you happy only you are.
     
  13. Diesel1985

    Diesel1985 Fapstronaut

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    You have a child and you are doing that, and also putting him through the shame of eventually knowing that, I can't help it but saying you are shit parents
     
  14. engelman

    engelman Fapstronaut

    The wife is not asking for our opinion about her life, is she? Most of us here have a problem with sex in one or another form, maybe we would never ever act like that, but we should at least try to understand it and put ourselves into his/her shoes. When a person is blindfolded by his/her lowest deepliest sex insticts, they're not aware of the reality (I'm talking here about the husband, not the wife, she seems to be perfectly aware of what's really going on).

    @KASE1228 , I'm glad he's admitting he has a problem. It's a little but quite important step forward. Please, talk to him and try to make him get involved on this forum (at least, to read the posts from other members daily).

    Wish you luck.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020 at 9:20 AM
  15. engelman

    engelman Fapstronaut

    RedDeadredemption and KASE1228 like this.
  16. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    She is. Nobody else is. The husband didn't show up here.
     
  17. engelman

    engelman Fapstronaut

  18. KASE1228

    KASE1228 Fapstronaut

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    A lot of you people don’t understand the responsibility you have when you post ugly things. It’s a good thing I have thick skin and I won’t leave here upset and commit suicide over your awful comments but that may not be the same for all. Some women suffering from their spouses doing this to them have extreme anxiety and depression. You will post something and walk away not thinking twice while the person reading could end up in a lot worse situation because of your words. My child is in a happy and healthy home. We have done everything possible to make sure it does not effect anyone outside of us. So for those making awful comments about my parenting you don’t know what your talking about. You all need to be more responsible with your words.
     
  19. StarRider

    StarRider Fapstronaut

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    None in fact. Because the difference between honest advice and "ugly" is in the eyes of the recipient.

    You are a 41 years old mother and you expect to be treated like 14 years old teenager. This is the age group who commits suicide, because they read something mean on the Internet, and this is why we protect underage people.

    But you are now not only trying to change your husband, you're now trying to change the forum as well.

    99 % of women's magazines focus around "How do I manipulate my SO/kids/parents into doing what I want?" and I'm sure that's exactly what you were looking for on NF. However you need to realize, that the advice in those magazines is made up BS and doesn't work, just as the advice in men's magazines (those with naked women on the cover) doesn't work as well.

    Men and women are on NF, because they know this already and want to get a new grip on life.
     
    NeedSomeHelp2 likes this.
  20. Don't listen to certain persons here. Certain persons go into every relationship thread and tell people to "get a divorce" without knowing the full situation. I don't think certain persons knows what they are talking about, and you are probably better off just ignoring them.

    Seriously. Please put these people on your ignore list and stay in the "women in reboot" section if you want honest, good faith advice. You will very likely be harrassed and misinterpreted on the main forums.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2020 at 1:00 PM

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