IKNOWRIGHT!!! once you start even thinking about sex or girls or anything like that.. it becomes 10x more difficult to deal with. great to know you beat the urge, keep going! even i've started to have tough nights nowadays, idk why tho. an urge hits me every night almost daily.
Sorry. I relapsed just now.. I would be more interactive with you guys... but depression and pmo makes me not want to put effort. It may seem like I dont want to do this. Or I dont want to talk you guys. But I do. its just hard for me to put any effort. a side effect of pmo.
We are all in this with you. Always remember your not alone. Your trying and that makes you an winner in my book!
Doesn't matter brother, you are strong to attempt it. Even trying is 20% progress.. I had failed many times in my journey , just..let go of the past..with each failure you are getting stronger.. stitch your failures together and you're already half way through... come back and start over please. Doesn't matter if it fails again as long as you keep trying. You got it in you, that's why you're here.
Thanks guys. I'm confident that this time will be way better. I extensively did research to block all possible porn on my computer using multiple applications and downloads of certain softwares. I also made it so that I cacnt watch any porn on my macbook. The only way I can watch porn now is on my dad's computer. But I will try to remind myself how disgusting it is to be that badly addicted that you have to secretly watch it on your dad's private computer that has a password. (I know the password though). Also, I can still see nsfw images and videos on reddit and twitter on my phone, but I've disabled the nsfw content through its settings for both twitter and reddit. I might be able to easily turn nsfw back on my phone through reddit and twitter, but I'll try my best to not do that. I think this will be a serious step in recovery. Thanks.
just one more thing, all pics involving nudity are not marked as nsfw on reddit. there is a shitload of nude pics and even porn videos on reddit, which are not marked nsfw, so just disabling nsfw wont be enough. (learnt that the hard way lol) in my opinion, just delete reddit. goodluck bruh, you'll do good!
im talking to someone trying to figure out how to delete nsfw on reddit. If i delete reddit i will simply just redownload it.
lock your playstore or appstore by a password set by some close friend.. once you download all the apps you'll be needing, obviously. i have done this on my phone.
Totally understandable... In my early days I used to figure out a way to go around the apps or crack them and eventually find a bug in them. Eventually I learnt almost all ways to bypass locker apps lol...got quite skilled in that area. My learning was that there is not going to be anything that can block us , we will always find a way. Human mind is such funny and powerful thing. My humble suggestion is to depend on the same mind which is such powerful. It only takes time , please give it time and keep trying bruh.. you'll be there very soon.. ignore the relapse and then set new target of one more day than the prev streak.
Today was incredibly sad. I started getting withdrawal symptoms.. I started getting headaches. I started feeling down. I started having the "What is the point of life" thoughts in my head. Nothing excites me anymore without porn feeling in my head. A devilish side of me took over and I found a creative way to access porn. NSFW discord servers. When I relapsed, I cried. I literally cried and bawled out my eyes. It feels like I'm under a 2000 lbs rock. I feel crushed. I was home alone in the house listening to really depressing music and I went to the kitchen and stared at a sharp blade for about 5 minutes. "Telling myself, do you really want to go to this point? Why can't you stop? I fucking hate myself. I can't control myself, I'm worthless." I had so much hope I was going to not relapse, but I ended up relapsing quicker than I ever thought. Today was a tough day. I've going to pick myself back up and try again.
I don't think I would ever kill myself.. I hope not. But it's crazy how sad I've become to even consider what I just did today myself when I was in the kitchen.
I am also starting from scratch with more accountability-focused streaks going forward. I plan on updating my own journal every day and I will try to update this one at the same time. Quick facts about me: 19 male, Canadian, first-year uni, want to move forward in life and PMO has always held me back with a tight grip. A quote to ponder on Man is born free, yet everywhere he is in chains ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau
God.. very strong urges for day 25 and 26. the magnitude of the urge is huge, but controllable..I m strong , hoping to continue to 40 days as on today. this have been my longest streak. Also wish good luck for all of you guys. If urges get worse just visualize in mind a picture of the trigger shitting and vomiting all over the place. Feel the stinking smell from their body. Visualize them without the skin. You just see the body minus the skin. I hope it helps, this technique was useful for me at times.
From today it's start of another step, no more peeking. The restraint on the eyes begins today. As already said by people it's easy to get hands off but harder to take your eyes off. I will try my best today. I have to spend 8 hours alone today. I'm writing this here so that I pledge to you all that I won't be breaking my streak when I'm alone. I will update after today, and I won't break the streak. God bless all
yeah man, true. even i am getting very strong urges. like VERY strong. but i will not relapse or even reset. you have my word guys.
Keep going guys! You'll make it! If exercise doesn't help try a walk with headphones in/on and keep walking 'till you're cool enough! It helped me and I hope it'll help you too
