Look at NoFap as a Journey not as a challenge

[Fenix Rising]

I'm writing this to all the people new to NoFap and those struggling to make meaningful progress on your path to recovery. I hope this advise will help you at least to some extend.

Try not to look at NoFap as a x number of days challenge, but rather as stepping and walking on your path to recovery. Imagine yourself hiking towards the mountain top. You might stumble or even fall, but as long as you keep walking, you'll reach the top. Steven Adler once said: "Part of recovery is relapse. I dust myself off and move forward again." That's the right mentality we should all follow.

The part where it says you immediately dust myself off and move forward again is the most important. I can confirm it from my own long lasting struggles with nofap. Shame and guilt have no place in your recovery. Tim Johnson, a former addict, struggling with addictions for 35 years, once said: "Learn to love person in the mirror. We're all perfectly imperfect." That's human condition. No one is perfect. As long as we try our best, we should be proud of ourselves. Lots of small steps into the right direction lead to achieving big goals eventually. All or nothing mentality all too commonly seen on the forum is pure poison. From my own experience in the last two years, if I'd manage to understand and follow Adler's advise, I'd have a year of high quality recovery behind me. I blew it with all or nothing poisonous mentality. I felt stressed, weak, guilty and ashamed after a slip and these feelings led me to throwing 200 days of progress away. I said to myself "you looser, you blew it again" and enter in 4 months long PMO binge session rabbit hole so I had to start from scratch and go through the withdrawal hell all over again after binge ended.

Please remember, a single slip doesn't sabotage the progress you've made, it's just a minor stumble, as long as you analyze what led you to slip and immediately return on the recovery path. Don't let the guilt and shame lead you right back into the PMO rabbit hole. Guilt and shame have no place in your recovery. OK, you've slipped, but you're still on the uphill path, leading to the mountain top. Don't turn around and return to the valley of suffering just because you've stumbled, keep walking uphill until you reach the top.

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[Rooki3]

Quick questions: before you current streak, what was your longest one before?

Second, masturbating to mental imagery, not porn. Frowned upon?

Third, how do you cope with sex? I mean, it's fine not masturbating to porn, but if you're not getting intimate with women, or don't see yourself having that happening, what's the long term goal with no PMO?

4th: the depression, was it a baseline issue that was there before, and masked by PMO, or something agravated now because of no (P)MO?

 

[Fenix Rising]

Quick questions: before you current streak, what was your longest one before?

Around 200 days of hardmode in 2017/18. I had three or four 3-4 months long hardmode streaks Prior to that. I don't know how many shorter streaks I've had. I've been more or less seriously trying to quit for last 8 years, so you can imagine it's impossible to know.

Second, masturbating to mental imagery, not porn. Frowned upon?

That's your choice to make. I've given up M for good as Ive tried to do it in moderation but I can't. It leads me back to binge MO and binge PMO soon after. Again that's my problem, you might be OK with moderate M.

Third, how do you cope with sex? I mean, it's fine not masturbating to porn, but if you're not getting intimate with women, or don't see yourself having that happening, what's the long term goal with no PMO?

I've chosen monk mode, because it's the only way for me to reboot. I've tried every other form but nothing except total abstinence works for me. I intend to start dating soon, probably after 200 days or so and see where it leads me. I've given up P and M for good, not sex.

4th: the depression, was it a baseline issue that was there before, and masked by PMO, or something agravated now because of no (P)MO?

Hard to tell. I've definitely been depressed for the last 17 years, but I've also had compulsive binge PMO problem all that time. I'd say I started using binge PMO as my drug of choice to cope with anxiety/depression, but PMO became additional source of depression by itself when compulsiveness took over. I'm still depressed/anxious at the moment, but I've started to recognize and face my problems. I've stopped running away from them and I'm in a process of learning healthy coping mechanisms to deal with them more productively. I'm still work in progress ad Tim Johnson would have said (he said that when he was 3 years clean of booze, painkillers and drugs btw. - talk about being humble).

 

[Fenix Rising]

That's great advice, I understand how challenges can make us relapse. Like getting a reward at the end of the race. NoFap is deffinetly a lifestyle for me too. I know somedays I dont know if I'm going to make it or not. But I could honestly say that my addiction to pmo, is nowhere near what it used to be when I was in high school and my 20s. Maybe the older we get the less we care to pmo. Kinda feel like I should have done NoFap when I was teenager, I always wonder what a difference my life would have been. I guess I will never know.

Don't think about it too much. We can't change the past, future is uncertain so all we have in here and now. I've caught myself in the shame and guilt trap so many times, I stopped counting. It's totally counterproductive. The only thing we can take from the past is to learn how not to repeat our old unhealthy behavior patterns in the present.

 

[Jerky]

For me this journey itself is my challenge. Each day, to remain PMO free, no matter what. I am taking all the challenges in order so i may add them to my list of accomplishments, allowing me to be ever mindful of the commitment i've made to my God and myself. Its a new way of life and a new way of seeing life. My destination on this journey is the be on the journey itself and make the most of each and every single Blessed day i am allowed to remain abstinent. It is not by my will that this is accomplished, but only by Divine Grace and a reliance on Spiritual Fortitude. Today is truly a gift.

 

[Deleted Account]

Don't think about it too much. We can't change the past, future is uncertain so all we have in here and now. I've caught myself in the shame and guilt trap so many times, I stopped counting. It's totally counterproductive. The only thing we can take from the past is to learn how not to repeat our old unhealthy behavior patterns in the present.

This is a good advice, I feel that PMO and video games have always been my choice of escapism. Now that I've been almost a month without video games I'm not sure how I'll feel if I'd return to video games because I do want to play them, but not hours on end like I used to back in younger days. Maybe setting a time limit like an hour per day and gradually increase it to two hours would be great so I wouldn't totally mess up with my recovery. Also choosing to play non stressful video games to not get the feel to PMO to relieve stress would be ideal.