Hey, I'm here two days in a row! It's a Festivus miracle! Lol 73 days into this and I think we sort of have a rhythm down, as far is how we discuss things. We get the kids to bed at night, make some herbal tea and then sit together and talk. We have sort of always done this but we had been watching TV more at night, which I don't mind at all, but I don't want to use TV as a way for us to distract us from our problems. That's probably why TV was invented but I digress. Lol I'm looking forward to Christmas break for the kids. B4L also gets some days off during their break so that will be really nice! I'm still going to be running around like a crazy person for the holiday but I'm a bit more cheerful about it than normal. Lol. I'm trying to be anyway! I've touched on here in my journal before that I've read other people's journals and how that can be both good and bad. I think it's good to know that other people are struggling with this. It's bad to compare myself and my husband to them. I think I'm getting better at not comparing. I just feel incredibly sad for everyone. I read so many stories of men who were abused as kids and I think about my own boys and it REALLY upsets me. How tragic that any child has to endure that! And the fact that so many of these guys just mention it, almost in passing, makes me so upset for them. I'm thankful that that kind of abuse has never been in my husband's life (and I mean, he was raised Catholic so there is a real possibility it could have) or my kids lives either! One thing I was thinking about on here is the hierarchy of what appears on here as far as this addiction goes, and the way that certain people are treated or perceived... What I mean is you basically have guys who were addicted to just porn, then there is an escalation after that that ranges anywhere from cam girls, to cheating online, to escorts, to affairs..It's interesting to see the way that both men and women approach this. I don't know if it is my naivety or what but I don't see watching porn as cheating. I just can't wrap my head around that. Actually talking to someone for them to get you off...then yeah, I would say that is cheating and anything above that is as well (escorts, prostitutes). It's astounding to me though the men that I've read on here that seem to think that escorts were no big deal. But I think that in a small way I understand. What I mean is that I think after so much of an escalation your brain can rationalize anything. I remember talking to B4L about how would he feel if he found out that I was online paying for naked pictures of men (at the time I was asking he was knee deep in his addiction) and I remember him telling me that he would have been okay with it!!!! I was so pissed and so confused! He has since now explained that since he is not in the porn addiction fog that he can see why that hurt me and that he would be upset now if I did that. I think it just goes to show how much this addiction can affect people's brains! Lol. Also, I know that men and women see things very differently... That I knew before I came here but it's even more apparent to me now! Well, I guess that's enough of my opining on that for now. Lol. I should probably go get some Christmas stuff done. I have a ton of presents to wrap! I'm hoping that I can write more on here because it does help a lot!