this addiction and the attendant SO trauma is freaking awful.... just really really horrible. and unfair can I affirm that you are amazingly pleasant? and your English is perfect IMO. as for smart - I don't know, but as for emotionally smart? your are a PhD. honestly I am blown away by the depth of self-knowledge and reflection you have attained so quickly (I know it doesn't' seem quick). You are also shockingly and impressively objective in how you see your husband, and separate the real him from the addict him. So although you are insecure about it all - I think you come across superbly. and I'm going to wager a pretty sure bet that you can still be outgoing and social too and I know for a bloody fact you are neither pathetic nor ugly. in fact the person I see is deep and beautiful on the inside , and I know that always shines through!!