2020.11.8 ------ Journey Commencement
Hi Nofap fellows,
I'm eatingout and I am new here to take on the 90 days NOFAP challenge.
A bit background about me:
I am 25 years old. I started watching porn since I was 12 years old.
I started realizing my porn addiction in 2019 August when I just graduated from my Graduate School and started a new job. At that time, I didn't really get my ideal job and I felt very disappointed about myself. I had a girlfriend back then and she was the best person I've ever met in my entire life. She is beautiful, diligent, disciplined and highly respected. I guess, I wanted a change and I want to be good enough for her. I knew there was something wrong with me and I knew I had a porn/masterbation addiction. I started to look for resources that can help me and I started my nofap journey for the first time.
It was one month since I started my nofap journey, I found myself have a severe varicocele. I don't know if it was due to my increased consciousness, I couldn't even remember whether or not I had this illness before I started nofap. My body was in a very bad condition (To a degree, where it's so painful I can't even walk). After a trip with my girlfriend, we broke up in Oct. She can't accept the fact that I didn't have any sexual encounter with her. (This is complicated, as I'm more into man physically but emotionally I connected so strong to her). I was in such a serious illness that I didn't even have the courage and guts to ask her stay.
I hit my rock bottom for sure last year. It's hard to believe that it is true, when bad things happen, they tend to come together. I was destroyed both physically and mentally. During Oct, Nov, Dec, I literally lived by counting each day. I didn't have much to expect and it seemed to me that everyday was my last day. It took me so much energy and time to just overcome my urge to watch porn and master-bating. However, I made it to 99 days. I was proud of myself.
Things went well after that, it was not until the virus came in this March, I started working from home. All these bad habits came in again. What's a bit different is that. after my first nofap, I was much more conscious this time and was able to control my urge most of the time while maintain my sexual behavior to a regular frequency mostly 2 times a week either with a casual partner or master-bate. (Which seems to me is still a lot considering how badly I used to be)
Now, I am here is because I want to do something meaningful in my life at the age with the most potentials. I don't want to waste my time searching for endless porn and sexual encounters. I want to become a better person that can live happily internally with myself. It might sound strange to many people, but I believe, INNER PEACE, not happiness, IS THE KEY STATE OF LIFE.
I used to only share my journey with one close friend on our chat, but here I am, I want to be a part of this amazing community where everyone is seeking to overcome the same issue and looking to be a better self. I feel belonging and understood here.
I'll share my journey from now on here. Every time I feel urge, I will post something here.
Hi Nofap fellows,
I'm eatingout and I am new here to take on the 90 days NOFAP challenge.
A bit background about me:
I am 25 years old. I started watching porn since I was 12 years old.
I started realizing my porn addiction in 2019 August when I just graduated from my Graduate School and started a new job. At that time, I didn't really get my ideal job and I felt very disappointed about myself. I had a girlfriend back then and she was the best person I've ever met in my entire life. She is beautiful, diligent, disciplined and highly respected. I guess, I wanted a change and I want to be good enough for her. I knew there was something wrong with me and I knew I had a porn/masterbation addiction. I started to look for resources that can help me and I started my nofap journey for the first time.
It was one month since I started my nofap journey, I found myself have a severe varicocele. I don't know if it was due to my increased consciousness, I couldn't even remember whether or not I had this illness before I started nofap. My body was in a very bad condition (To a degree, where it's so painful I can't even walk). After a trip with my girlfriend, we broke up in Oct. She can't accept the fact that I didn't have any sexual encounter with her. (This is complicated, as I'm more into man physically but emotionally I connected so strong to her). I was in such a serious illness that I didn't even have the courage and guts to ask her stay.
I hit my rock bottom for sure last year. It's hard to believe that it is true, when bad things happen, they tend to come together. I was destroyed both physically and mentally. During Oct, Nov, Dec, I literally lived by counting each day. I didn't have much to expect and it seemed to me that everyday was my last day. It took me so much energy and time to just overcome my urge to watch porn and master-bating. However, I made it to 99 days. I was proud of myself.
Things went well after that, it was not until the virus came in this March, I started working from home. All these bad habits came in again. What's a bit different is that. after my first nofap, I was much more conscious this time and was able to control my urge most of the time while maintain my sexual behavior to a regular frequency mostly 2 times a week either with a casual partner or master-bate. (Which seems to me is still a lot considering how badly I used to be)
Now, I am here is because I want to do something meaningful in my life at the age with the most potentials. I don't want to waste my time searching for endless porn and sexual encounters. I want to become a better person that can live happily internally with myself. It might sound strange to many people, but I believe, INNER PEACE, not happiness, IS THE KEY STATE OF LIFE.
I used to only share my journey with one close friend on our chat, but here I am, I want to be a part of this amazing community where everyone is seeking to overcome the same issue and looking to be a better self. I feel belonging and understood here.
I'll share my journey from now on here. Every time I feel urge, I will post something here.
