It's been 7 weeks and 2 days since the last time I "got busy" with my husband. He suffers from PIED and hasn't made any effort to try anything out, which is OK. Unfortunately, I have a very bad feeling he has relapsed, but I'm not mentally strong enough to go and investigate, which is an occupation than sickens me to the core. Anyhow, every relapse I know of (four) has brought up new feelings in me and has changed me in ways I didn't quite know was possible. At first I was hysteric, then I grieved, then I got angry and now I've entered in a weird flatline. A backstory can be in order: I fell madly in love with my husband five years ago, and I mean madly! Up until the discovery of the porn, I used to day dream about him. I fantasized about him sexually and craved his body every minute of every day. I haven't told anyone this, but I used to sit and look at his pictures in my phone with butterflies in my chest like some kind of boy band groupie. Or I would admire him working out, lusting over his muscular perfect body. This might sound ridiculous, but I was so crazy insanely in love/lust that I even felt physically nauseous with desire on occasions. I didn't know the porn was the reason he rejected me, if I knew, I would have walked out the door and never looked back. The latest discovery has left me in my own kind of flatline (for him, not sex in general). For the first time ever, I feel repulsed by him. I don't like to look at his body. I picture him masturbating to other women and I feel disgusted. His voice brings me chills, his face brings me pain. His lips, once the sweetest pair of lips in the history of man kind, doesn't taste as sweet. I can't picture myself having sex with this man, who up until now was the only object of my burning desire. I feel like our love is tainted and dirty. I've started to resent him, especially when he sings, which make me cringe. In the nights I wake up with an intense burning feeling of anger and hatred that is deeper and more infectious than anything I've ever felt. HOW COULD HE DO THIS TO ME?? In the daytime I transform into this saintly creature that cooks and cleans and kiss him and try to make him happy (he suffers from severe depression). Never a yelling, never any demands. He gets everything he asks for and more. I love him so much still, probably as much as before, but the feelings are so deeply buried within me I don't know if they can ever come to the surface again. Is it common to feel this way? Will I ever be able to love him like before? Any success stories out there?