Not attracted to him anymore!

Are you still with him? Also, one of the ways to solve your kind of addiction is to not care about sizes and just look at the perrsonality.
And does he love you back? Is he just being needy?

 

Do you want to settle for him, though? He seems insecure about his social skills as a person.

 

Then you're just staying around him for his sake? Or did you already leave him? Sorry for asking so many questions fam.

 

Well, isnt that a messed up thing to tell someone? People cheat because they can't control themselves, not because of their partners. I hope that you understand that if he does decide to go that route, that it isnt your fault. I know you've already lost that attraction to him and are hoping he is the one to leave, I just don't want you to blame yourself for his actions regardless of what you do.

I used to feel this way about my ex towards the end. I hoped he would leave me. I knew he was cheating and was also a P addict, but I no longer cared. To me, as long as he left me alone, it was not my problem anymore. I had to be the one to break it off with him though, which was a great feeling in the end. I also cared about him as a person and didn't want to hurt him, but in the end, I had to do what was best for me and that was to leave. Even though I didn't care what he did, didn't want anything to do with him, over time it started to feel as though I was living in a prison. That was why it was so liberating to finally break free of him.

 

I would add that they CHOOSE NOT to control themselves.

 

Why do we need to wait his cheat, or ours, why not..., and we're not able to breckup just for what we're passing throught? Is it not enought? (I'm asking to me, actually)

 

Have you told him this? Honestly, it would not be unfair to do so, considering what he has said to you, and considering what his actions (3 years of porn) have told you. And, can I ask

Spoiler: Trigger Warning / TMI

how big is it? This is a question that has come up time and time again in the forums. I imagine a lot of men would benefit from hearing a woman's opinion of what size is not big enough / what size they would prefer.

This is also very fair to say and I applaud you for it. It's the truth. Clearly you were at one point and clearly his addiction has destroyed your attraction to him.
I also get that you still love him on many levels, but that the sex is simply not working out. Relationships are not all about sex yet not having sex is a good indication that something is off in the relationship. Many couples choose to stay together for various reasons, even if one or the other is having an affair with someone else. Some people are okay with it. It sounds like you might be getting to the point where you are okay with your fantasies of other men and okay with the possibility of him cheating and leaving. You have become indifferent. Maybe that works for now, but I hope that you find something better.

I would suggest watching the Secret if you haven't already. Focus on what you want, what you really want in a relationship. My guess is that you want to be with someone that you are sexually attracted to. That future is definitely available to you. Focus on that. It will soon be clear if that future will never be possible with your current boyfriend. Focus on what you want. Know that it is already on it's way . . . and letting go of your porn addict boyfriend will come quite easily.

 

Porn addiction is 1 thing. Being an asshole is a whole other thing. Addictions are hard to deal with. They affect everyone involved with the addict. But we are all still responsible for what we do.

Don't take any crap from anybody OP.

 

Good.

As someone who is a "smaller guy" (relatively thick, but quite short at 4 1/2 inches), I think it is helpful to acknowledge and accept when it really is a shortcoming, or when it no longer excites a woman. Having recently seen the two well endowed men that you described, even an average sized penis would be underwhelming by comparison. That's just the truth.

From experience I can say that I have definitely given women plenty of orgasms, but always with my mouth or hands. Acknowledging and accepting that I have a small penis is a good thing - it helps me to focus more on my partners pleasure and on all the other ways that I can be a better boyfriend. I have even heard that some women actually prefer a man with a small penis, because they try harder!

Another conundrum is hormones. Would you agree with the assumption that most women want a loving and attentive partner sometimes, but that other times they want more raw, passionate sex? I have certainly heard that from women. And my girlfriend has said that sometimes she just wants to get "nailed". What a challenge this can be for most men! Maybe some guys can be both, or switch on command, or strike just the right balance, but I think there are also many men out there on the edges of the masculinity spectrum that are either amazing lovers (maybe like the two men you described) or amazing partners but not both. What then?

My best answer to that conundrum might actually fall in line with the Secret. Focus on the parts that are there. I might never find the one woman who ticks all the right boxes all the time, but if I focus on the qualities that I like, I'll experience them that much more often. And hopefully that will outweigh all the temptation that we might run into in our daily lives.

 

Shorter men or smaller penis? Any reason why? Some women find that small ones are less threatening, or that guys with small ones are less likely to be unfaithful. Or, is it just by chance that all the guys you have dated happens to have a small one?

PMO is addictive. That is the horrible truth about it. Love should be, and it often is . . . for the first six months or so.
Porn is sexual arousal on tap . . . available all the time with a click of a button, at whatever intensity one seeks. No human can compete with that. There is a movie called Don Jon about a guy who has a stunningly beautiful girlfriend (a certain A list actress that most men find extremely attractive) and yet he gets up in the middle of the night after sex with her to look at porn. I imagine that you are already quite attractive. Being more attractive will never be the solution to his porn addiction.

I agree heartily with honesty and acceptance. As a guy who has been more "beta" than alpha in relationships, I have had partners seek their sexual satisfaction elsewhere. If a woman needs more sex or a different kind of sex than what I am able to offer, I think it's really good to talk about that. To be honest about it and accept it.

What do you mean about women being both? What is the "both" that you are referring to? Is it the madonna/whore dichotomy, kind of parallel to the nice guy/bad boy dichotomy?

 

That's thinking ahead!
But hopefully you would not have turned down a partner with a big penis for fear of it ruining your experience with other men.
I think it is a real thing, that it can be hard for a woman to enjoy a smaller penis after being with a bigger one, especially if there is a really big difference in size (and if the larger guy wasn't too big or a bad experience in some other way).
I read a book once about "how to cope with a small penis" and it suggested dating less experienced women for just that reason.
Also, when I tried to get back together with an ex-girlfriend, she told me that she had since been with several men with larger penises and told me quite frankly that she just couldn't be satisfied with my small penis.

I think this is very common. Lots of men and women have fantasies about threesomes, but the vast majority of them want that third person to be the same sex as their partner, not the same sex as themselves. What a conundrum that is!
And it's cool that you accept that men might want to be with men, or have a MMF threesome, but again, totally normal that you're not into it. It seems like most heterosexual women are not into male-male action at all.

Again. Nothing wrong with that. I think it's really healthy to want the real thing. His wanting to use toys is almost certainly acting out scenes he's seen in porn. I like to keep an open mind, but toys are poor substitutes for the real thing. Maybe there are some toys that are meant to be used together but dildos and penis shaped vibrators are really designed for solitary use.

I think many of us guys on NoFap wonder about our sexuality as well. For me, it started out as magazine spreads of naked women and the occasional lesbian scene. In my day, anything with erect penises or penetration fell into the category of "hard core" and was much harder to get ahold of. In the age of internet, seeing endless amounts of dicks, usually really large, really hard and really nice looking virulent dicks starts to get conditioned alongside of one's normal sexuality. I would try not to look at them, but over time I became pretty fixated on all those large dicks, too.

And, how many porn addicts find themselves wanting to do things like lick the dildo and wish that their woman would be into it. The reality is the opposite. It's the sign of a sick porn addict and probably a very healthy response for you to be totally turned off by it.

I bet the other guy wouldn't want him to be there either . . .

Again, good luck finding a guy who would be willing to have sex with you while your boyfriend watches. It's a classic and very common cuckold fantasy, but highly unlikely to take place in reality.

Have you told him this? Is there something about him or the way that he does it that you find repulsive? Do you hate watching all men masturbate? Maybe you hate it, because that is the very reason why you haven't been getting the real sex that you have wanted for all these years now?