Saving Ourselves For marriage

I can still hear Satan mocking and belittling me, “YOU’RE A JOKE MAN! What, you think you’re a Holyroller now?! GIVE IT UP”!!

 

That's why you need to put some time and effort in this: getting to know people, meeting people, befriend people (men and women), maybe there will be someone appropriate for you if you enlarge your social circle, and also meeting with candidates for marriage directly (ask your family/friends to find someone for example).
Don't worry too much and put too much stress on yourself, if it is right person it will go easy despite any problems (economic etc.).

Sex outside marriage will only bring much more problems and doubts, 'saving' yourself it's one of the best things you can do for your future husband (and for yourself finally).

There is no such thing as the best and the rightest (so no stress, all is in God's hands), because it differs for us (and the really best of us are those who are the most God-fearing), just someone who is appropriate for you.
For example for me I have some criteria for girls that are 'must have', some that are 'it will be better this way' and for anything else I don't care much.

 

You are not alone, dont let the pressure get to you

 

marriage is just a way for (((them))) to steal your v-card

 

Stepping in kind of randomly here. This thread does stand out to me as a really important dialogue to have. Partly so others know lots of people are in a phase of an uncomfortable space. Also, partly it would be nice for those to hear that there is hope and marriage is definitely worth both waiting for the right person and also putting in ALL of your best efforts.

It is definitely a confusing situation. Not to try to answer the "why" which may be different for everyone... and impossibly complex. The conflict of an ideal we all would do best to find, but many may not have an opportunity to discover. For most of us, making the best of the options available is totally good enough. When we give our all, it inspires a spouse to do the same!

Do your best! Maintain your standards and respect what you know is right and I do believe you will find meaning in life, including a meaningful romantic relationship. It's for sure often difficult, and yeah sometimes even after marriage. Life is less about reaching a place and more about the process of living and being able to hopefully share that with someone in a committed marriage relationship is an amazing experience, the cost of which often requires a degree of self-sacrifice which includes forgiveness and acceptance for yourself as well as the other person.

 

Hey, I have not read this thread in a while and just now read the most recent ones. I am too in despair about who to marry and the difficulty of not having s*x before marriage. I still, however, continue to believe that it is the right decision. If someone is not ready to do their best and promise to do their best to be together and being serious about the relationship - I think we should not be intimate with them.

In today's society it is hard however. I have found that the biggest sources for my stress and anxiety are in things related to relationships. I think all we can do is to pray to God to help us know.

I saw that you wrote about questioning religions and I can relate - I have come into faith but I do not identify as a christian, muslim, buddhist, hindu etc, even though a lot of my views have been adopted from them. This is only because I do not want to accept everything at once before doing further research on the religion. A lot of religious dogmas have been used in wrong doing and I think it only tells about the people in power - not the religion it self.

I believe that marriage is the best way to prevent the negatives (stds, unwanted babies, taking advantage of someone, kids growing in separated houses). If something the society needs to change - we have lost all our values and condone this unnatural way of spending our natures resources. Almost all of the problems could be solved in today's world if people would not commit the 7 deadly sins, in my opinion.

Hopefully you are feeling better. I have also gone through a lot of relapses because of stressing over relationships. PMO makes it even worse. If you can I would advice to stop thinking about relationships for a while and just focusing on yourself, like you said about the course. Being stable on your own really helps with this battle. That being said, the relationship stress will return as it has with me - I know that I can only learn from everything and hope to do everything better in the future. I get so much anxiety if I like someone and the take time to reply. It makes me feel worthless. However I can not know what they are doing and why they are not responding, they might have a reason for it. IDK, however I am trying my best to learn being less stressing in these situations. One thing that helps with anxiety is to get up and do something somewhat productive or writing poems or singing or drawing about the emotions - just for yourself. You get to see your emotions in a different perspective and also you get to realize deeper what you are feeling. It is almost like a cheating meditations since it is easier.

Sorry for the long post, I also needed to talk about my current situation to someone. I wish you all the best, God bless you!

 

Yes, there are definitely practical aspects of it. Including on the emotional front! One thing about having a religious background is that whole moral code and absolute truth being from God. There's definitely reasons, but also it's just going to be better because blessings attend those who follow their conscience.

Sounds like you're a really cool person

 

Yeah, I find that a lot of religions have good values and I am trying to find my own, just because everyone is a bit different I do not know which rules I should obey. But the ones that every religion agrees I found to be the truth.

Haha thanks, just doing my best to stay sober. You should try them too if you find them cool!

 

I've read a few posts of this thread and I guess no one shares the same idea as mine.

I'm thinking about a life of celibacy. Sure,There is a lot more value in having marital sex than non-marital, yet I may avoid marriage in the first place. Why? Women want sex, they love sex. The possible future wife may have saved herself from meaning-less sex but after marriage she is gonna want it. Women when they get sex they get somehow addicted. They want it more and more from their husband especially in the first few years.

Now the problem is I have depleted myself for so many years. Chances are if I start to have regular sex like once a day, which is normal in the beginning, I end up feeling depleted again. I'd never want to return to withdrawal feelings again. I also don't want to disappoint a woman. Maybe there are a very few women who also believe in sex for procreation but really how much is the odds of encountering one?

Maybe once I meet a girl I love so much. I might choose to have karezza but thats another thing.

So for me choosing a life of celibacy is inevitable.

 

Maybe. What I know is the first few years couples have a lot of sex. I thought its the women who initiate.

I've read few posts guys mentioning that they feel depleted by having sex although they have done the standard 90 days reboot.

And everytime you do PAWS may kick back! Thats scary to me. I dont want to feel them again in the future.

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/post-reboot-brain-fog.308929/#post-3000290

 

I agree with this post . I'm saving my self ford marriage also. Obedience is key . We can do it . There a greater reward . The real reason where on earth.

 

We HAVE to be equally yoked!

 

Nice to see this thread, I also have been struggling with this, particularly as I'm still early on in my reboot. I really want to save myself for marriage - I've already corrupted myself, but the past is the past, and I want to move on from where I was; frankly, self-improvement has made me a completely different person to who I was a year ago. As I'm still early on in my reboot, it feels kind of hard for me at the moment. All my friends talk about their casual hookups, I'm 99% convinced a few of the girls at my work have been hitting on me; I'm very wary, however, not to let PMO addiction be replaced with hook up addiction. It's not any better, it's worse, if anything. There's no point replacing one addiction with another.

Anyway, hookups aren't really sex. Sex is loving, meaningful - that's what you find in marriage. No, hookups are pretty much just mutual masturbation. Proper sex should leave you fulfilled, but hookups never will.

 

I’m thinking of abandoning ship, screw it, I’m tired of it all. The West is a joke and nothing is sacred anymore.

 

Bro, you need more Hope.