Sex coach: ask your questions

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Tibo87, Aug 27, 2019.

  1. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    @Tibo87 What is a visualization board? And what's a fling?

    Well...nicely put. Thanks for the viewpoint, that's some way of thinking that could be useful to me as well.
     
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  2. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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    A visual board is a white board that you fill with positive goals and outcomes you want and will pursue.
    You can add pictures or quotes to make it even more motivating.

    A fling is I guess a British term for a short relationship haha
     
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  3. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Oh, I get it. I have one of those but in form of a sheet. It helps the more attention you bring to those challenges.
     
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  4. I think a lot of what you say is correct. I'm attracting what ultimately I don't want.

    The problem is that I have two tough choices; take what's there or have nothing.

    The lonely suffering I go through has been harsh. I can't always be alone.

    My reaction to the loneliness was to start to improve myself, first with NoFap.

    As that started going well, I began to get obsessed with fitness.

    Women think one of two things when they see me;

    he looks like he doesn't work in the cubicle, in shape, strong, etc.

    he looks like he doesn't work in the cubicle, what a loser, an unproductive gym rat.

    The thing that makes me attractive is likewise a repellant.

    So I only exist in the space where a woman doesn't "need" a man.

    They can't emotionally attach to a guy who doesn't do what they want,

    and in this society, it's all about the cubicle.

    The kind of woman that wants a relationship also wants computer-man-flab.

    Blah. I hate it. I guess one day, if God allows, the right one will see me for

    the right reasons.

    I can't understand how the world came to value money over health.

    Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and all of the Walton family will all die one day.

    All the time and effort a person spends on wealth usually requires

    someone to do the wrong things.

    And women don't care, as long as the rain doesn't seep through the ceiling...
     
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  5. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Completely understand your viewpoint. But maybe in the future you can connect with different kinds of self you and different kind of women. You could think of it as a chance of change. Maybe for a radical change even.
     
  6. That's just completely not true at all. I think you're making a lot of excuses. Sometimes it takes time to find someone. If you just give in and have casual flings all the time, you're not going to find the kind of woman you would deem wife material. Good things take patience. Stop blaming your "attractiveness" and the fact that you like to work out. That's not your problem.

    Honestly, your whole post is just full of excuses and blaming in all the wrong places. Take some ownership. Be patient. And if you really believe in God and want what He wants for you, then you shouldn't be having casual sex outside of marriage anyway. So maybe that's why you aren't being blessed with finding a wife right now. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I've been a Christian my whole life and have been in the position of looking for a good husband. Not once did I ever think "that guy's too hot for me. No thanks." But I DID, on occasion, think "that guy is really attractive, but our moral values are not in the same place, because he's clearly fine with casual sex, and I'm not. No thanks."

    It sounds to me like you still have some work to do on yourself to become the kind of man the kind of woman you're looking for would be attracted to. Again, sorry if that's harsh, but... that's just what I see from your posts.
     
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  7. @LOSEmyselftoSAVEmyself I just checked your profile for your age, and I will say, I do understand your frustration a bit more. I was kind of assuming you were one of those 28 year old guys worrying about never finding anyone. At 41, I see why that would be concerning. But at the same time, I think everything I said still stands. I highly doubt women aren't interested in you because you're fit and attractive. That just... doesn't make sense.
     
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  8. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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    +1

    I totally agree with Castielle.

    This kind of generalization and self talk is toxic. By only seeing the negative in others and in yourself, you won't be able to emancipate yourself and to trust others to have a meaningful relationship.
    There is a lot of ''fit'' guys who are very smart and have strong connections with their partners, and there is a lot of ''unfit'' guys who have beautiful partner with whom they have as well deep connections.

    Practice self-love first, build friendships with men and women to learn how to trust people, and do what you like to do. You will find someone that like you for that.
     
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  9. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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    What about the third one: Change and attract greatness?
     
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  10. Anytime Hugzy

    Anytime Hugzy New Fapstronaut

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    Gday boss, thank you for putting yourself out there.

    I have 2 questions which could be a bit extreme but since you offer, I thought I'd ask:

    1. How do you consistently make a girl cum during anal sex? Or is it simply up to the girl (ie only if she enjoys anal in the first place)?

    2. My partner and I are about to have a 3some with another girl. Any tips would be MUCH MUCH appreciated. (I AM nervous)

    Thanks mate.

    Hugzy
    Anytime Attraction
     
  11. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Anytime Hugzy, thank you for your questions!

    SPOILER: SEXUAL LANGUAGE

    So, this is a good question, which will always depend on your partner and the mood.
    First, of course she has to enjoy anal sex. If not, there is 0 chance that she will orgasm from it. If she doesn't but is open to try, start with full body and anal massage with your fingers.
    Second, if she can have ''orgasm'' solely with anal sex, then follow what she likes the most.

    From my experience and my studies, it is better to ''mix'' clitoral and / or G spot stimulation at the same time.
    Caressing her clit or playing with her G spot at the same time will sublimate the pleasure and make her experience a ''blended orgasm'' (one of the most powerful).
    Always ask her if it is driving her wild, if she likes it, and ask her ''how can I excite you even more caressing you there?''.

    There is no such thing as a man caring for his partner's pleasure.

    For your nervousness? Tell as soon as you are the three of you together ''Wow, I can't believe I am that lucky, I'm quiet nervous, I will do my best to please the two of you''. Boom, magic sentence. You confidently tell them that you are nervous, they won't have expectations, and you can go into the experience with a stress-free mind.

    For the threesome? Communication and playful mind is key. Talk with your partner before hand about what you are willing and not willing to do. Think about it, it is better to think about the best and worst case scenario BEFORE it happens, so that you are prepared.

    For your confidence? Until the experience, condition yourself mentally with confidence, by repeating ''I am great, I want to please them both, we will have a great time''. This will condition your brain to not stress about the situation and go into it with ease.
     
  12. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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    @Informius
    How has been the confidence and the techniques? :)
     
  13. Hey man :)

    Well, techniques I wasn't able to put in practice, as we split up for good now (which is a totally awesome decision :) ) Now it's more about finding new people and what I really want to set myself to achive: No Sex before the 3rd date.

    For me this might put me in a better mindset to focus more on the person and not on how to twist yourself so that she wants to go to bed with you immediately. But it's not perfect yet, I still think only to the 3rd date (as it will lead to sex) and don't think further beyond. But that's ok for the moment, I think it's something that will take some time for me to develop :)

    Confidence is good, yesterday I tried the '10 things to say to yourself in the mirror' as you suggested and it was on the one hand wierd, but on the other an amazing new experience. I felt a flush of euphoria and happiness flooding my body. Wow. I am definetely going to do that tomorrow again ;)

    How are you going?
     
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  14. greenishmoon

    greenishmoon Fapstronaut

    Could you hand me that 10 things list?
     
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  15. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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    Hey Informius,

    Sometimes take a hard decision is the best decision. The more important is that you focus on yourself and your own life.

    I respect your choice, and if you are happy and comfortable with the 3rd date, I think it is awesome because you take time to build a meaningful connection. Make sure to still ''sexualise'' the conversation for the two first dates as you don't want to be seen as ''just a friend''.

    That's great! The weirdness is to expect the first few times, because you are doing something new and out of your comfort zone.
    Practice it daily, and you will see, you will feel this rush of powerful energies every single day!
     
  16. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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    Greenish, you make a list of 10 things you are grateful for. Then you write it down and stick it somewhere you will see it everyday, even better if it is in front of a mirror.
    As soon as you wake up, read it out loud, and put all your intention in it. You set up your mind in the morning for success.

    Also, you can add 2-3 min of self-love talk in front of the mirror, ''I love myself, I am beautiful, I am smart and I use my knowledge to help others, etc''.

    In 5 minutes you have a powerful mental routine that will make you positive and so much more confident!
     
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  17. I'm 21, male, virgin. Had opportunities to have sex but passed them up deliberately because I wasn't "feeling it." Other guys my age pursue casual sex aggressively, but I don't. There are women who want to have sex with me right now that I don't have any emotional attachment to, and I know I never will. Should I do it? Is it worth it to frequently sleep with girls you don't love? I also have the stigma of being a virgin, which most people find pathetic or un-manly. Should I wait to fall in love first or just say fuck it and go all-out on some hoes?

    Cheers
     
  18. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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    Hi @FellatiousD ,
    Thank you for your question and for opening up.

    Great choice! Sex, either it is your first time or not, should always be something you want to do, and you are looking forward to do as well.

    Should you do it with someone you don't have emotional attachment to? Simple answer = no.
    At the very least, even if it is a one night stand, you need to feel a connection with your partner, because it is the foundation of a great intimate moment. If you don't connect, it will be only physical, and I don't think it would be good for your first time. You want to feel relaxed, and be with someone you can trust (but you do not need to be married or have a 10 years relationship for that to happen).

    Same answer here: No. I do not think you need to ''be in love'' to have sex with someone, but you need to have a connection and feel great with this person. This can take a short or long time, can happen in few hours or over the course of few weeks.
    Having this connection, you will realize that the experience will be 100 times better and you will enjoy it.

    F**K most people ok? Being a Man is owning your masculinity, treat others well, and be true to yourself and your values. It has nothing to do with being a virgin or not.
    To get rid of the stigma, repeat to yourself ''I love myself the way I am, I am proud to be where I am right now, and I will have a beautiful first time with someone I trust and I have a connection with. Every morning and every night. Self-confidence and self-love practice please.

    Well first change your language regarding women. If you are considering them that way, then you have no respect for women, and you will never build a connection and relationship with one.

    What about the third option? Building a healthy relationship, for few weeks, and then moving naturally toward sex?
    You are better off having your first time with a woman you enjoy company, you can laugh with, you can trust, and with who you will feel relaxed to say ''this is my first time, and I want it with you''.
    I believe that there is nothing wrong with one night stand, but in that case you don't have enough time to build trust and a strong enough connection to feel at ease.
     
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  19. Tibo87

    Tibo87 Fapstronaut

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  20. @Tibo87 Thanks for all the words man
     
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