Sissy fetish is an escape from the really hurt child inside you

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by EndOfTheRoad, Jun 20, 2019.

  1. EndOfTheRoad

    EndOfTheRoad Fapstronaut

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    As someone who had been into the sissy fetish for a couple of decades I can tell you that it's the most destructive thing I can think of. I know alcoholism or heroin addiction looks like and believe me, while they are damaging and extremely hard to quit, sissy hypnos are just another level. They literally change your desires, your personality, your core self and destroy your self-image, self-appreciation. Of course usually there are already such underlying issues of inadequacy and not enough self-love.

    In any case, I did go really far. I knew I did not like men, I knew I was addicted but that was what was making it even more perverse and exciting. The embarrassment and humiliation; because I didn't love myself I had to hurt me in order to feel in familiar territory and escape reality.

    I went really far. Had been in chastity for long, shaving, dressing 24/7, I was feeling and behaving feminine, I would dress up and go out to find sexual partners, in my mind I was destined to be a sissy. For a long time I had no erections. I was only orgasming from anal and nipple play and thought that my penis was useless and I'd never have a manly orgasm again. I had an ex gf who was an alcoholic bring me men to have sex with, met men from classified ads etc. etc. I was considering implants and hormones and the whole sick thing. Even when I would get to my senses I just couldn't let go. I thought that this was the only way for me to be happy and get sexual satisfaction. But then I realised that long term the only thing it was doing to me was making me miserable. The sexual experiences were never close to the fantasy and I was always left feeling empty. Several times even if I was really aroused, the moment the man was trying to enter me I was feeling a huge pain back there. It was my real self telling me "what on earth are you doing?!?!?!"... The thing that protected me from taking hormones and doing other irreparable changes to my body was that I wanted to have children and I know how it feels to love a woman..I'd remember that every time I was close to change my body for good.

    After each encounter I would wash my mouth and myself obsessively. After orgasming I would cry and tell myself that this is it, it's over...But believe me, it can never be over unless you cure the underlying cause of this self-destructive practice. Until I started telling honestly to myself that I love me, I am amazing and that independently of what others, my parents or ex girlfriends think, I am a wonderful and very good hearted human being who wants to love and be loved, I was never able to stop.

    The insidious hypnosis of reaching "the point of no return" was what was making it so overwhelmingly exciting...until I read so many stories of people that went back to being themselves from much more advanced transitions.There is no point of no return. There is only being yourself or being a scared, inadequate, not loved creature that is escaping reality.

    Now for the first time I not only do not feel a part attached to this poison but my whole heart, soul and body have separated from it and see it as a survival strategy that served me in the past but has stopped having any useful function. On the contrary, it is taking away the most beautiful soul mate I could have imagined. My gf left me because of me sharing my fantasies with her. She couldn't handle it because I seemed to not have any desire for her, while the only human being I desire is her :(
    If you want to be yourself give up fantasizing, porn, masturbation and edging and start living the real life.
     
  2. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    I've been on nofap for years and this is, for me, the most astounding story - you truly went to Hell and came back.

    Given the place you were in at one point, it's spectacular you had the insight to see though all the noise, the lies, the deceits that porn, masturbation, sex fantasy, sissy etc imposed upon you.

    Congratulations, you've done the impossible, it has been my honor to get to read such a story and come into contact with such a great character.
     
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  3. Aibwen

    Aibwen Fapstronaut

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    Same! What an amazing story!
    I too have been in this same position. Reaching out to men online, having them use my body, dressing up, shaving, buying women’s clothing, panties, stockings, heels, etc.
    Dressing up knowing what was going to happen, just getting drunk so that I could forget and pretend it never did.

    You live for the high leading up to the moment of actually being penetrated and used. And like you said, it never fulfills your fantasy. You’re just left there in disgust, feeling absolutely miserable because you know you messed up. I know exactly how you feel, hypno videos have destroyed me. I still find myself buying thongs and panties....but for what. I need to stop. I need to quit dreaming of a fantasy that doesn’t exist

    Thanks for your beautiful story
     
  4. EndOfTheRoad

    EndOfTheRoad Fapstronaut

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    As I said, the only way is to heal the hurt child inside you and keep on reminding yourself that you deserve to be loved and that you are an amazing man. Write that down, make it your mantra. Stop wasting your precious life.
     
  5. Hey ... read your story and know there would be much more to tell. Much more.
    And yes, you are a wonderful good-hearted human being worthy of love and belonging. And yes, instead of looking for validation, seeking protection and begging for love, it is time to heal the wounded child. No one can give you that what we were hoping to get for so long, what was taken away from us in childhood. Connection to one‘s own true self. Take good care of yourself and it‘s good you are here.
     
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  6. Luvspin68

    Luvspin68 Fapstronaut

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    Amazing story.
    Just for my education, can someone explain the difference between say a “ sissy” and a shemale.... or Transgender.
    Thank you
     
  7. Sissy is a man fantasizing taking the woman‘s part, sissy is a man pretending being the woman (remaining in a biological man‘s body), sissy can be exaggerating female attributes, being submissive, for gays it can be used in a derogatory way -> sissy ... fag.
    Shemale is a person who has both sexes genitals -> breast/cock for example.
    Transgender is an identity issue. A man in a man‘s body with the identity of a woman would be a transwoman. A woman in a woman‘s body having the identity of a man would be a transman.
    Cis is a man in a man‘s body feeling ok being a man. Same for woman.
     
  8. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Sissy and Trans are both identity disorders, sissy is often the precursor to trans. Transgenderism starts with crossdressing or other behaviors imitating the other gender.

    You are partly correct on shemale, but it depends on differentiation of sex organs/breasts. The medical term is intersex. It is a very rare disorder, even if there was/is a myth circulating that intersex is 1,7% of the population. That's patently and dangerously false, true intersex is 0.018% https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12476264

    However, an intersex with functional penis and vagina is extremely, extremely, extremely rare, i don't even know if it exists in the first place, i think it's likely physically impossible.

    Most of the "transgender" movement revolves around the idea that intersex is common when in reality very few people are intersex and the rest are either male or female and they can't change their sex/gender. There is no such thing as transitioning.
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2019
  9. Transgender is about identity. Some have surgery adaptation other‘s don‘t. It‘s about identity. Some are straight after transition or not. Trans is not about sexual orientation. It’s identity. I am in these terms a cis gay man. I am in a male body identifying as a male. Loving males.
    Whereas Intersexual is biological, physical. Both sexes in whatever form. From birth. Whatever percentage.
    Sissy has got nothing to do with transgender, a cross-dresser has nothing to do with transgender, putting on wigs and make-up has nothing to do with transgender, cuckoldry is not transgender.
    Transgender is not a fetish. It is identity. Trans is not a disorder. It doesn‘t start with cross-dressing. It is about identification.
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2019
  10. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Yes it is. And it is connected to cross-dressing. It is all about identity, i said that too. Homosexuality is also an identity disorder, there has been a lot of literature on it and it is very interesting. Sexual attraction is rather the consequence of an identity issue.

    It's not "both sexes", it's generally a failure to develop a particular sex, so it ends up underdeveloped.
     
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  11. .
    A lot of literature written by heterosexuals trying to explain the world and human nature and calling everything that is not like them a disorder, believing from their perspective and with their intellectual excursus they bring us order but instead are creating the disorder then explain what disorder is, yes I know. Yawn.

    Sorry @ultrafabber for being a bit picky but I am tired of orderly straight people calling me a disorder.

    A male dressing like a female and vice versa or a transvestite are cross dressing. Some have made it an art and a living. It is also used to entertain the heterosexual world, especially a man in woman’s clothes in film and on stage. It’s always a good laugh ... I was cross dressing only for sexual purposes, not fully though but still and that because I am/was a sex addict. The straight men I interacted with needed either the money or to believe they are not gay/bi. I needed always more, more and the intoxication.

    All transgender people I know would never say it started with cross dressing.
    The dressing is a consequence of their (felt) identity. The dressing then is not cross but dressing. A trans woman dressing like a woman is not cross dressing, she is getting dressed.

    Nature is in order and we humans are part of nature. Basically we are in order. Our psyche though can be manipulated, yes. When needs are not met we become needy. All of us here know that.

    Intersex. Failure to develop a particular sex, yes, and they are discussing to wait until the child is old enough to choose for oneself which sex he/she wants to live with instead of parents deciding too early.

    Shemale is an invention of the sex-industry.

    Thank you for the conversation. Guess we‘ll never wrestle this to the ground. Hope @Luvspin68 (who initially asked the question) understands it all a bit better now ;)
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2019
  12. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    It is irrelevant who is describing a behavior, what is important is that the description is correct or not. If Stalin had told me i was a porn addict 1 year ago, he would've still be right.

    Nobody is calling you or anyone else a disorder but the behavior as disordered. We all have many disordered behaviors.

    Yes, it's usually deeper than just cross-dressing but cross dressing is an essential part of identity disorders. It's not only related to dressing but also mannerisms or other behaviors of the opposing gender - such as taking care of one's skin, using makeup etc. Interestingly enough, even the voice changes.

    A trans woman is a man who believes he is a woman. He does however feel he is a woman and in his mind, "she" is dressing, but that is only to try and sustain the illusion.

    Interestingly enough, being needy is the basis of identity disorders, including homosexuality. A very interesting book/study is Homosexuality : a psychoanalytic study by Bieber, Irving . Where a group of 100 homosexuals were compared to a group of 100 heterosexuals. There were consistent patterns in childhood and adolescence that correlated to homosexuality later on, mainly an over attachment to mother, an over-protective and engulfing mother, a distant/cruel father, a fear of physical injury and others. Most of them indicated an inability to accept one's male identity and to separate from the mother.

    It can even be argued that crossdressing/transgenderism is similar in that the person makes up a female entity/role and that it's likely the mother he needs. So it's a bonding need that gets sexualized.

    What even more interesting is the very obvious overlap of crossdressing/transgenderism/homosexuality, which further indicates they are a cluster of one single disorder, that of an identity disorder.

    I definitely agree here, and i think it's a consequence of "straight" porn, because men have been conditioned to get sexually aroused by seeing women and MEN (with naked bodies/ erect penises etc).
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2019
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  13. Amen
     
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2019
  14. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    Shemale is a word pornographers use for very passing male to female transgender with male genitalia.

    Sissification is a fetish that is about feeling sexual arousal from acting feminine, taking feminine role in sex etc. Therr are strong tones of humiliation and brainwashing here. It is usually escape from being a failed man. Sissies are not acting feminie outside of sexual situation, they do not have gender dysphoria. Transsexuals are dissatisfied with their bodies, their gender identity and they do not want to assume role of opposite sex to feel sexual arousal, but because they believe it is more fitting them.
     
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  15. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    God bless OP, amazing story.
     
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  16. I can relate to this story on so many levels...I have been to sissy hell and have come back a literally a new man. With a new look on life. My friend thank you for share I know how hard this was to write and how much pain this jour6must have caused you. But you are a beautiful human being with loved ones all around. No one can take this fact away. Yes you may have lost your GF but believe me their is another Girl waiting to meet the new and improved you keep up the good work. But also stay humble for the devil is a lie. And who he can destroy he will distract. So understand that your body may have separated from the poison. But this is the kind of poison that is only right around the corner. Stay strong.
     
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  17. Aibwen

    Aibwen Fapstronaut

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    This was great to hear, needed this today!
     
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  18. EndOfTheRoad

    EndOfTheRoad Fapstronaut

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    I would personally refrain from generalising. Gays are not one thing. I know gays who felt attracted to men since they were 4 years old, I know gays who started being attracted to men after they were molested, I know gays who started feeling attracted to men after being dumped by a gf or after getting addicted to porn. Same thing goes for individuals who identify with the opposite sex. I know little girls who are 3 and feel like a boy and I know myself who's a manly man but due to traumas, rejection and fear got addicted to sissy hypnos and almost transitioned and was almost certain that was a transgender. Each person has their own story but at the end of the day what is important is that each one of them feels in peace and is happy with their sexual/gender choices.

    For decades I felt miserable and unhappy. I only felt satisfaction and wholeness when as a man I made love to the woman I fell in love with and left me a few weeks ago because of this poisonous fetish. There is no more doubts inside me about my sexual and gender identity even if my ex herself started doubting about it. I know the path. Now I have to walk it
     
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  19. EndOfTheRoad

    EndOfTheRoad Fapstronaut

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    I still hope that my latest gf will see the new me and will give me another chance; because apart from this issue everything else in the relationship was better than any imagination can create.
     
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  20. No problem friend
     
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