33 Feelin like shit, no energy to do anything Cant binge porn either so I'm probably gonna spend the whole day staring at my screen doing nothing all day, see you all tomorrow and stay strong
Day 9 completed (29 in my current streak). I haven't been very productive this month and its haunting me. My lows make me numb, make me freeze and break down. During the past month I tried to cope by talking to my friends or doing other healthy activities and stayed clean. But I lost more than 5 hrs everyday in effort to escape my lows. I have barely begun studying what I planned to study this month and suddenly I realized 17 days are gone! I had no idea when or how this happened. yesterday I figured out with the help of a friend that most of it was gone in coping with my depression. But I can't afford to lose any more time because my exam is nearing. So I decided to take this head-on, sit in my lows and help myself calm down on my own. I began learning how to meditate -- I know I won't be able to sit longer than an hour everyday, so some time saved and some healing done. And now I should cram all the study planned for the past 17 days and the coming 14 days, all into the coming 2 weeks. Seems impossible to me. I feel nervous. But I will fight. And I know how chaotic and low my mind can get, but in no case will I give in to PMO.
Day 49 Going strong Had search some content but only to check Not gonna do another time Will do it at any cost
Day 17 and 18 I missed yesterday. Had a full day with family. That family life improved a lot! I had a realization along my path when I broke the cycle of guilt and getting trapped and back to guilt that I went through a thousand times. I stepped out and realized that I do this over and over again. I am not going to continue this. Why am I actually doing this. So I seriously asked myself the very first time. And I could see answers right away. I had too much stress too much heavy burden and there is nothing like the switch to pleasure that immediately takes me into vacation, one of course that is a trap,but still taking me out of all pressure instantly. i also saw that there is nothing else in my life. Stress business heavy load a neglected wife a poor family life had the addiction I was hooked on. i saw that in order to get out of the compulsion I need to find a lot of pleasurable good healthy things and establish these. Before I manage this and also do not get the pressure down there is no way to get out. i did. succeed in both. Pressure is out. Family and marriage is built up and I was right the compulsion is off since. I feel I have a choice. I was clear about that it’s not only about quitting porn and addiction and compulsion but also about building a true life. The two need to go hand in hand. now I have a beautiful home and a good family life. I established other pleasurable things. Workout fitness health and things like sauna and eating good food. Cooking good healthy meals.
Dont cramp studies thats the common mistake we all do just sit there and just introspect and ask your brain why u started this preparation or study that you begun it will help you to prospect your career and your attitude will change depression will come hit you at a time when you feel that yeh am getting over with it but i would say just accept it if its some situation that led you to depression accept it if its a person then understand that person and make yourself understand that no person who really cared or loved you would lead you to this so acceptance is the most potent thing you should do in such malicious circumstances, Just start studies and divert your focus to things thats really matters. Tc ☮️✌️
It happens, i have been there. So let me tell you what helped. Make a journal for daily goals. Dissect your main goal into daily achievable parts, dont go for the mountain, focus on the stairs. One day at a time remember that. Have a place only for studying, let it be a study table, or any other piece of furniture, only study there, do not do something else other then study, specially do not study on bed, its the whole logic of how brain tags a place for specific function. Join a library if you cannot study at home. Get rid of distractions, phone is the big one, go offline. If the work is online then i would suggest use POMODORO technique for focused sessions, it helps a lot for getting things done and at the end after seeing your sessions you will feel accomplished. Motivation is cup with a leak in it, it goes down daily and you will have to fill it daily. EARLY MORNING EXCERCISE OR STRETCH can help you get in the zone. Good luck Good going. Just like a falcon, keep going higher. You really are on a roll. Thats a red flag, dont let it get to you.! Its really good listening to your story. I am happy for you!
Day 10 completed (30 in my current streak). You are right. The last time I pushed myself to do more than I could in a given time, I was too stressed out to concentrate and I was even less productive. I then told myself that I need to be kind to myself and that I love my subject and pushing to unnatural limits is gonna make me have a bad experience with it. Being kind helped me work with a clearer mind and I could do a lot more than I thought. So again, I will tell myself to accept my situation and be kind to myself and do the best I can. I should believe in myself and go ahead ig. Thank you so much for your words : ) Thank you so much for your suggestions : ) I have split my bigger goal into small steps and have made good progress for a while. I even was on a good schedule (with yoga and other anxiety relieving practices) that helped me alleviate my symptoms of anxiety and depression. But here and there there come glitches from outside that break my cycle, or break me, and that happens at least three days each week. Every time I fall, it takes so much (really so much) to just get back on feet and start practicing all over again. Over time I would have lost many days and the assigned study and then comes this huge pressure because I am falling behind on my little tasks that build up into a big thing quickly. The glitches are not under my control, as far as I understand, and I have to learn to not let them affect me. I'm trying, but the triggers are so bad sometimes. I have set up a small study table and I work there, I keep my phone away when I work, but my mind gets hijacked with past trauma or random situations I anticipate. The schedule I was on helped me have less of these hijacks and more focus. But its been about a month since I was on schedule. I try to get back on it but glitches come over and over. This makes me crazy! But I will try. I won't give up. And that's a really nice way to put it "Motivation is cup with a leak in it, it goes down daily and you will have to fill it daily." -- I will remind myself. Thank you, and sorry for ranting.
