The Glorious Cold Approach Competition of 2016! (Triggers and Harsh Language)

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Mr. Sir, Dec 29, 2015.

  1. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

    2,716
    2,928
    143
    C'mon dude! Harden up! ;)I'd say in that situation, go for the instant date! If you can't get that, then at least settle for the number. Ideally though you want to sense her wanting the number. You know then that you've done your manly job and created interest. Even better, get her to ask for your number! Much less chance then of the dreaded flake! But then if you are getting enough numbers and dates, who cares if a few of them flake. It's only when you have nothing else going on, that the flake really sucks.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2016
  2. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

    402
    264
    63
    Just a thought on rejection.

    You are not being rejected. Your approach is. Sometimes not even that. She might be busy or having a bad day.

    I've been talking to at least one girl a day for about 40 days now. Got blanked twice. The first time was early on and it stung a bit but the second time was a few days ago. I really didn't care that much since I know that tomorrow I'll be talking to another girl and then another the day after.

    Most people are afraid to try approaching because of rejection. I'm only 40 days in and I am already no longer as afraid of it. The abundance mindset is already starting to develop.

    It's a marathon not a sprint.
     
  3. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

    122
    106
    43
    @Temujin Yes! There are thousands of women to approach! If you approach 100 girls and 10 are into you, you've got 10 girls in your life that you never had before. I want to get to the point where I'm so used to approaching that I do it in front of my friends just to show them how their "waiting for the right girl" narrative is bs. I really, really want to get to the point where when we go out, they just expect me to disappear and reappear with women or phone numbers.

    @Buzz Lightyear I'm taking it slow man. I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses about this and I know escalation is my sticking point. Take into account that was the first approach I did in 2 months. As a build macro momentum this stuff will come easier. I'm sure I'll see her in the near future. If I do, just for you, I'll get a number and a date.

    I am trying to figure out the psychology of why I have the escalation sticking point. I have very little fear of approaching - as I build macro and micro momentum it becomes exponentially easier. If I get a date, I have no escalation sticking point - I just go with the flow. I think it lays around the ambiguity of not knowing the woman's relationship status. In that case, I ought to figure that out immediately. I have a reoccurring problem where I pull (yes, pull as in get numbers, isolation, sexual arousal) girls who have boyfriends. I am very, very attractive. I don't lie to myself about that. I know so much of the positive feedback women give me is not because of good game. It's because I have a fun, easy going personality and I am very good looking. Problem solved - find out if they're single within the first 5 minutes. Any other input is greatly appreciated.

    You might be thinking how is a so called "really attractive guy" not pulling girls left and right? PMO effects us all and it creates some very bad habits. I my case, I don't respond properly to validation from women. When I get it, I don't believe it is real. I've been off porn for a long time too. This is something I had before I ever discovered it.

    Update

    Did one approach today. It was very convenient. This girl could not carry on a conversation though. She was on her phone using social media most likely. Her responses were short. It's amazing how polar opposite approaches can be. With more practice I'll get better rapport with everyone.
     
    Temujin and Buzz Lightyear like this.
  4. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

    2,716
    2,928
    143
    Well, came up to the big city for a couple of dates I've organized with girls I've known for a while. On the train, I had the misfortune of being sat next to a fat elderly woman who proceeded to snore most of the way. I'd noticed a real cutie earlier, and cursed my luck that I hadn't been seated next to her! Anyway, at a stop not too distant from our destination, I saw the passenger next to her exit the train. 'Carpe diem!' as they say, make your own luck! And so I moved to the seat next to hers, opened up a very pleasant conversation, and got the number. I'd say it's 50/ 50 whether I get the date as it was a very good interaction. As I type this, I'm seated across the table from another lovely girl with whom I've been engaged with in conversation for near an hour. Once again a 50/50 proposition whether I get the date in a few days time. This girl is beautiful. It is great just to enjoy her company. I consider that an end in itself. It doesn't have to end in a date. Be 'outcome independent' as they say.

    Edit: meeting the girl from the train at 7pm tomorrow!

    Go hard people!
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2016
  5. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

    402
    264
    63
    Congratulations on the approaches guys!

    I've found pausing and leaving space to be working incredibly well. Waiting one to two seconds to respond to a question or comment. Combined with talking slowly creates so much relaxed tension
    Been having women smiling and giggling talking about nothing really.

    Leaving space and asking deeper questions and how they feel about things seems to be all I'm really doing at the moment but women seem to be enjoying my company. Which is such a nice experience to have.

    In the future need to practice with more escalation. But simply sitting in and enjoying the energy between people is so nice after being completely alone for so long.

    Onwards and upwards guys! :)
     
    Buzz Lightyear likes this.
  6. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

    402
    264
    63
    After going out consistently in my city I now know the best places to go to see the cutest girls. Also where to go to meet tourists and backpackers.

    Going to make it easier to approach in the future. Also helps with the abundance mentality to see so many cute girls in the street.

    Just keep approaching everyday and improving.
     
  7. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

    122
    106
    43
    @Temujin Good to hear man! I've gotten sick lately and haven't approached. Once my nose clears up and I'm not sneezing and coughing all the time I'll be back at it.
     
  8. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

    402
    264
    63
    How is everyone doing?

    I've been working on my walking.

    Walking slowly. Arms out of my pockets at my side. Open body language. Good posture. Keeping my eyes level and not looking down, only to the side and up. One interesting one is never moving out of the way for people. Just slowing down or stopping and letting them move aside. Not practising this last one all the time. Every-now and then when convenient.

    It's incredible how powerful doing this makes you feel. It is turning walking around outside from an activity which brings me anxiety to one which makes me feel strong, powerful, relaxed and in control.

    Also been practising taking up more space with my body language over all. More open and expanded body-language. Helps with anxiety a lot. Plus it feels great.
     
  9. ifyournervedenyyou

    ifyournervedenyyou New Fapstronaut

    1
    2
    3
    Thought I'd join in on this since I've been obsessed with girls for a long time and haven't seem to got anywhere at the age of 17.

    Will try to start approaching tomorrow when I go into town and will update progress.
    On the plus side I haven't masturbated or watched porn for 9 days now, which is unprecedented for me. Although it hasn't affected my confidence or anything yet like I hear it does.

    This is the first forum I have ever been on, so cheers for any help from anyone.
     
    Mr. Sir and Buzz Lightyear like this.
  10. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

    122
    106
    43
    @ifyournervedenyyou thanks for joining the thread!

    Update:

    I'm finally un-sick. I'm getting my voice back now that my head isn't full of mucus. Before I got sick I felt like I had diminishing momentum with most things in life. My grades dipped while I was sick. No energy. My brain was working the way I needed it to. Anyway, I'm getting my momentum back and I'm redesigning my approach to learning social dynamics. I was taking an inside the box approach before. I'm going to come at this sideways.

    I'm going to focus on cultivating two rules in conversation for the time being:
    1) Be a better listener - get people talking more and genuinely take in what they have to say
    2) Complement - come up with at least one complement for each person in each interaction

    As for everything else, I've been pulling girls in my immediate social circles unintentionally. At first I didn't want to deal with this because I felt that it would distract me from cold approach but I'm realizing that I can make anything a distraction from cold approach.
     
    Temujin likes this.
  11. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

    402
    264
    63
    I'm also going to focus on compliments. Also on thanking people when they tell me a compliment!
     
  12. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

    122
    106
    43
    Good addition. I've found that my biggest obstacle is being receptive to positive feedback. The sense that "I really deserve this" is a foreign feeling. When you feel like you deserve positive feedback, approaching seems natural because why wouldn't that woman like you? You're awesome!
     
    Temujin likes this.
  13. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Today was amazing! I had 3 different cold approaches, all where I honestly didn't even think much about approaching the girls, I just went up to them and started talking. 2 of the approaches were with girls in one of my classes who I've wanted to approach but didn't work up the courage to until today. The other was in another class, who about a month ago I chatted with for about 30 seconds, but haven't spoken to since until today. We talked for a good 3 minutes. All 3 girls are fucking hot by the way, making me feel that much better about myself for approaching them. I know for a fact this wouldn't be possible without quitting pmo, because the old me would have made excuses to not speak to them.

    O and I found myself talking to 2 other girls who I've talked with in the past in another class, zero hesitation. So today was a day to remember on this journey.:)
     
  14. Earl Sweatshirt

    Earl Sweatshirt Fapstronaut

    64
    66
    18
    I may want to rejoin this cold approach challenge. I couldn't do it before since I was occupied
     
    volt2187 and Buzz Lightyear like this.
  15. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

    2,716
    2,928
    143
    Love your counter!
     
    Earl Sweatshirt likes this.
  16. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    I just did a quick count of the girls I have spoken to in the last two months, which includes this spring semester, and it's over 20 so far! Compare this to really just one from last semester (and that was only because we had the common interest in running, and as a side note she was a lesbian so it removed any sexual tension, making it easier for me), and I would say that NoFap really does work!

    Guys, it honestly gets easier, as now I don't even second guess myself anymore I just walk up and start talking to them. If you think you might not have anything to say to them in the beginning, just compliment them on their hair or clothes or something like that, or try to ask them something you are confident you will get an answer to, such as for college chicks, what's your major, are you from here, how many classes are you taking, etc. I did that for one of the ones the other day and it really was easier than any approach I've ever had. Nod and show interest and it makes everything easier as well.

    I would never, EVER, trade pmo for the joy that these approaches bring me. And eventually one will lead to more than just friendly conversations(;);)), which is motivation in itself to say FUCK YOU pmo!
     
  17. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

    402
    264
    63
    Congratulations!

    I've gotten good at getting girls to share feelings and their interests so I have pull down.

    Now going to practice banter and playful teasing and other methods of building tension get the push down.
     
    Buzz Lightyear likes this.
  18. never_again

    never_again Fapstronaut

    30
    27
    18
    I forgot all about this thread... I had it going well with a couple of girls so cold approach just went out my head ... Worst decision ever XD ... Now that I'm back I realize how much I need this ... And there's this cute senior I've seen a few times and I've got no clue how to approach her ... So well its time to work my way up :)
     
    Temujin, Buzz Lightyear and volt2187 like this.
  19. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

    402
    264
    63
    Did my first direct approach yesterday. Asked a girl how she felt about being hit on. She said depends. Then I said she was super cute. She added me on Facebook. Will message her today
     
  20. Intered

    Intered Guest

    -
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 29, 2016
    Temujin likes this.

Share This Page