The Last Straw (Trigger Warning)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Ruses, Jan 18, 2019.

  1. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    I made a new years resolution to not use PMO entering 2019, it was going good and strong for 14 days. In those days i had some serious urges and was very close to relapsing but i held back and told my self it wasn't worth it, because it really isn't worth using PMO. On the 14 day is when i finally gave in, and when i did i i binged for 2 hours to all types of porn. The next day i did the same, after i was done using PMO for the second straight day i was tired of it and really really wanted to stop for good. Everything was going good Until Last Night when i had thoughts of recording myself masturbate and then masturbate to the video, yes i know i have some weird thoughts. Today is when it got to me again i was super horny and wanted to record myself so i did, and it was horrible immediately after i nutted i was filled with regret and deleted the video and had no idea of what i was doing to myself. But i wasn't done, i cleaned up the jizz and hid the evidence, but i was still horny so i gave in again and watched some straight porn. Again IT WAS HORRIBLE. Took a shower after and almost started crying because of what i had done. I prayed to GOD to help me get rid of my thoughts and urges to use PMO. I came into 2019 telling myself i wasn't going to live with regrets but i really regret what i did today and hate myself, I'm hoping i will feel better in the next couple of days. Sorry for making this so long thx for whoever took the time to read this. PMO has to STOP!! What should i do to stop these thoughts/fantasies from getting into my mind?
     
  2. Never Again

    Never Again Fapstronaut

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    Do you have blockers on? If not, I would really recommend them (K9 mostly works fine). Just watch out for using them as a crutch. It’s often not enough just to will yourself out of addiction. You need to control the environment too.

    One thing I have found (and actual studies have found) to decrease an addict’s urges is exercise. It’s a real pain, but it absolutely works.
     
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  3. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    Ya i have all XXX media blocked on my computer but not my iPads/tablets seems like something i should do and give the password to someone i trust. And I've heard that exercising helps get your mind of it but most the time the urges and thoughts come at night and usually end up with me till the morning
     
  4. holymonity

    holymonity Fapstronaut

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    Keep at it brother. I know how it feels to give in completely to PMO and do weirder things than you'd do normally. But this relapse mustn't be the end. I urge you to restart with the same, if not higher fervour even though it's not a new year. I'm sure that one day you'll get rid of all this. And ALWAYS remember, we're in this together (as my day counter says :().
     
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  5. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Brother We are in this together
     
  6. Uncomfortably Numb

    Uncomfortably Numb Fapstronaut

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    You appear to be deeply into your addiction and your brain is looking for ways to escalate and feed the addiction.
    Use this site, its members and other sources to implement a full hard mode nofap.
    Not doing so will plunge you deeper and deeper into despair.
    Continued good luck
     
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  7. Ruses

    Ruses Fapstronaut

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    Thanks!
     

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