I'm @garmenclyde. This is my old account. Accidently I found out I could reset my lost password because I still had the e-mail. So now I have two accounts, what a mess! It feels exciting to be "icebreaker" again and maybe I even behave a little different (automatically) on this account (we have different alter egos, that's why) However it is like looking at a mirror that shows years of not getting anywhere, years of addiction, years of struggeling, years of hiding. It's wearying. But back to buisness. Relapse report: my last relapse was actually not the worst. First I succumbed to the urges and watched porn on my phone at broad daylight. But then I reacted: I went swimming. Even on the way to the lake I had wild fantasies of sex with a stranger but I said to myself "let's see what happens to your dick when you are in the cold water" "you want to jerk of. OK, no problem, just go into the lake and when you can you can do it there." Ok, maybe the last thought was not the healthiest one but of course when I went into the cold water all the cravings and wild thinking were cut off. Long time ago, I even masturbated in cold water once (why??) but that was at home in the bath tub. When you swim in a cold lake your body just can't afford to stay in that mode. It is forced to activate all the senses and work against the cold. So that was a good decision, a good counter-measure. And it is so good for your body and mind! Do it often in the cold season and you have so many benefits. Also it gives you a kick and as a addict that's probably what I'm looking for the most.