The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Water fast / meaningful life
3/7
Almost done day 3 and starting 4th day. I had sex yesterday it gave me an extra boost of energy. I ran and did calisthenics, slept 3hrs and mind is lucid.
Almost 9% body fat and I have lost mostly fat from my stomach and no muscle.

Also not eating makes me see life beyond the basics of survival it makes my mind be in a different state more subtle and deep into things like the meaning of death, the attachement to life and how ephemeral this existence is. It makes me recognize my own mortality and how we most strive for inmortality through an spiritual practice, to make our live meaningful because we could die at any moment. To take risk, make mistakes and learn, grow. Not having fear. Going beyond your ego and see life with naked awareness.

Have a great day everyone

 

So true, great post.

 

Checking in. Did an hour of qigong practice today and I feel like I'm making progress.

 

Day 2 is almost over.
This is the hardest that I've ever had.
Getting back after a long strick is just brutal. But I'm still here

 

Day 7 completed

 

Day 2

Very drowsy and unfocused today. Need to meditate and get my mind right. It might be partly the fault of the weather, too, I guess.

 

Day 2

Checking in, nothing out of the ordinary to report. Had an urge just before typing this but other than that I'm doing good.

 

Ok so that didn't last very long, I slipped up. Day 0. I'm weirdly getting urges and relapsing because I'm seeing a lot of progress lately with my therapy and the fact that I recently beat my record, all of these things are showing me that I'm heading in the right direction, and I'm relapsing because of this. My addiction is telling me that actually because I'm heading in the right direction it's ok to relapse because it'll all work out in the end anyways (which I know logically that's obviously not how that works). It's simply another mental obstacle I need to overcome, but I think I'm struggling this much with it because I've been slacking on my meditation and so I've noticed I'm becoming less introspective lately, I'm being consumed more by my emotions again, hence why I'm relapsing to things that I usually would be able to handle.

I know what I did wrong and I already have a way of helping to deal with it. It's simply a slip, not a fall.

 

Interesting, I have also looking into some stretches with regards to Qi Gong. I've been attempting to practice the 8 Brocades, I do the first Brocade as part of my first morning stretches. The 1st Brocade is said to reduce anxiety. I aim to gradually implement and do all 8 Brocades. If I may ask, who do you learn from?

 

It's my pleasure, my friend. You as well, keep up the good work!

 

Very crucial brother, you've understood something pivotal. Although I don't want to advocate for relapse, it is far better to relapse 1 day, stand up the next and continue on your journey as opposed to binging. Very important realization, I'm glad you worked out the cracks in your guard to get you standing back up quickly. Never beat yourself up over a relapse, it serves no purpose other than to trick you into self-pity. This is the temptation demon(in our case the ring) that seeks to make you consume more. Something along the lines of "Oh well, I've relapsed once. I might as well have a binge!"

Keep honing your arsenal, you got this.

 

Checking in Fellowship friends!

Day 353 free of porn and Day 281 free of MO. Work was busy, but I'm adapting. I took it easy today and rested after work.

Which brings me to the topic of todays discussion. We must listen to our bodies. Don't beat yourself up if you're having a rough day and need to rest. It's okay, rest is necessary along the journey. You must understand that while you are going through withdrawal, you are also constructing new neuropathways alongside managing the tug of the old pathways. Your brain is working quite a bit to repair itself and rebuild. All this effort uses a lot of energy. When the new healthy habits are ingrained, then yes, it will not require this level of energy. The beginning of your journey in any endeavour or undertaking, will always be the most taxing.

I promise you though, the more wins you garner under your belt, the easier it will get with time. Part of the reason we are on this journey is to understand and listen to ourselves, being in touch with reality, with our emotions and being capable of listening to our body when it says :"I need to rest." This is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of great strength and awareness. The goal should always be for body and mind to be fully in-sync. Our body works hard, so let's do our best to take care of it.

Stay strong my friends!

281 days – Gollum has deceive you!!! Unwary, you enter the lair of the porn queen Shelob. With stealth and treachery she attacks but you have the light of Eärendil. The fate of the journey is fought at the doorstep of Mordor.

 

Kind of a victory day!!

The urges got more and more frequent and intense, I didn't controlled myself and went fishing for psubs. I ended up not finding anything, but in my mind I was with that mindset that leads to relapse, which is a "decision" to do it, to go all the way through and finish the job. I tend to see this path as the only way possible, and that's why I have such a hard time stopping it in its middle.

BUT, today I did it! I'm not proud of that half hour I spent fishing, but I'm definitely proud of stopping it before even going to P itself.

Bad thing is that I killed all my productivity of the rest of the day, and I'm not sorry for that, cuz I know it's kinda impossible for me to have mental energy to manage it all. Other bad thing is that I got A LOT of built up tension, and I'm gonna have to release it, so tomorrow I'm gonna play the guitar and exercise more intensively than I'm used to.

Hope tomorrow I'll be fine to get my stuff done, I'm definitely not in a place where I can just kill some time.

 

Day 256

 

33 days
This time I'll make it to the 90

 

466 days

 

Day 6

 

Day 5

They aren't nearly as strong as some I've had in the past, but consistently negging at me are these urges. I don't feel the same kind of resolve I've had in the past, and I know that's critical to building larger streaks. I kind of just want to relapse and be done with it... But I'm not gonna! I knew I would start to get hit harder by a flood of urges eventually, so here it is I guess. The next few days will probably be rough, but I know I can get through it.

My energy is low... I've been tired, not eating as well, not doing my workouts as consistently as I have in the past (although I did 100 push-ups and some pull-ups today). Overall I feel on a decline.

 

Day 2,

I just hope today would be just a little bit easier than yesterday.