Day 2 no PMO. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with my life right now. It’s that feeling where there is so much you need to do but you just don’t know where to start. I keep praying for god to calm me down and take control but so far I’m still really stressed.
I totally forgot about this but I came across this and having temptations. I remember this Spongebob episode. This is me LOL. I'm resisting though. No I haven't relapsed.
Checking in Fellowship Friends! 42 Days Free of PMO. Hectic day ahead, quick check in. I will read your messages tomorrow. Stay Strong!
40 days hard mode. 40 days – In the bridge of Khazad Dûm a strong battle is fought against PMO. Some difficulty yesterday. Very manageable though. Felt like I was was being hugged all day yesterday. Just laying in my bad or walking around I felt like I was getting a hug. Lots of warm feelings. I can’t wait to go on a date. I thoroughly enjoy small interactions with girl servers or girls at the till’s of stores, coffee shops. Just making eye contact and making them smile is so magical. To spend a whole date would be so cool. Went out with my cousin last night. I usually dread going out. I found myself excited to get out and visit. This is amazing. I hope I can keep this up. I lent a young guy some money 6 months ago. He has been constantly asking to borrow small amounts of money. I told him yesterday I could not. He had asked for 40. I said I could not. He said what about 20? I told him to stop pushing. He kept pushing. I am usually far to nice. But yesterday I put him in his place. Just naturally you know? Was not abusive but assertive. This is a nice change. I feel like I am running on all cylinders. Probably only on half of them. But half of them is a hell of a lot better than just one that is barely firing. Looking forward to the future. I am sure it only gets better from here.
16 days Low urges yesterday, but a lot of sexual thougths. My mind trying to relapse, but I always try to distract my mind with anything. Today I didn't worked out, I got up late, so I didn't have the time, but I will take a cold shower. Keep strong my brothers.
Day 381, 382 & 383 Yesterday I met the twins... And felt attracted to one of them. I need to manage this feeling, I don't want to be romantically involved with a girl, I want to be with God. I'm involved in some stuff right now. That's why I'm not posting too much. But I'm with you brothers, in spirit!
Check in day 17 Got a mild urges today, which got me become arrogant with my dad. I really tried holding myself for a debate but was unsuccessful but got my grip again after my dad's temper became very high, but he refused to erupt on me as he knows I am very rude or what we say without manners when my bp shoots. I really feel guilty today, they misunderstands me, I really wish they ever feel that something different is causing me to behave irrationally rather than just from my wish. I know that is wrong but I become very uncontrollable when someone triggers me multiple times. I wish they someday know my issue, my heart. I am really hopeless, that rudeness I am showing is not is not in control of me, this addiction's side effect is causing, I am trying my max level to fight with this, but they will never understand me, they just think, like how clean and innocent they were at their childhood, everyone are like that. I really love them even though they are abusive, but I always sense they really want to see me a successful man. But, you guys can understand, how tight we are wrapped with this anger even after leaving this addiction, it really takes much more time to get rid of its effect on our brain. I try really hard to escape it, but my knot looses up sometimes, I wish my parents would able to understand this
Looks like you would benefit from building your life up from basics like food,sleep, work and slowly adding what you think is necessary or desirable to fill the gaps. Who knows maybe you would fill them differently than they are filled now.
day 24 - No O day 5 - No P/M day 2 - No Psub I turned off my phone right before I left work for home this AM, it worked well, I didn't waste much time on electronic devices after I got home. Took a shower, eat something, then went to bed. I need to strictly enforcing this excellent no-device strategy after work for at least 12 hrs, because work usually makes me exhausted and stressed out, that's the vulnerable time for me to relapse. Once I get some sleep, I feel clear-headed about why I am in this fight and have more willpower to resist the temptation.
Checking in. I am doing ok, and have been able to deal with urges well today. I have been successful in getting to sleep at a reasonable hour and getting up early. As soon as I get up, I say 3 Hail Mary's and pray to stay pure that day. I then make some coffee and while it is brewing I spend my first 20 minutes studying the reboot. Then I get started with my major tasks for the day. I go for a walk when I am done which is great for thinking. No listening to music, just walking. I walk in about a 6k loop in my neighborhood, shower and then attend to anything on my to-do list. So far this routine is helping me stay in the right headspace for the reboot. Maintaining the mindset is essential for me, because if I don't have a plan, I just drift into peeking then the downward spiral.
Day 2 check in. Days PMO-free in 2022: 224 out of 235. I think that feeling overwhelmed by life from time to time happens to everyone who attempts to live meaningfully. I can relate, and have had an overwhelming year with a lot of events, conversations, and feelings that I didn't think I could get through. But it is helpful to remind yourself that being overwhelmed means three important things about your life: You are not numb. That is a victory all by itself. Even unpleasant levels of stress and pressure are better than feeling nothing, or living in total apathy. “We care lest our own lives be empty.” --Drizzt Do'Urden, The Crystal Shard (By R.A. Salvatore) You have direction and purpose. People only become overwhelmed when they have taken on objectives, goals, tasks, or challenges that are bigger than they currently feel capable of taking on. Yet this is how personal growth happens--when you spend time at the edge of your capacity, stretching yourself and leveling up. Just be sure to make some space for recovery, including giving yourself permission to fail, to rest, and to recreate. You can't live your entire life overwhelmed or you will crack, but you can see the periods of your life when it feels overwhelming as growth opportunities, and the stress involved as potentially positive stress rather than all negative pressure. “The best way out is always through.” ― Robert Frost You are persisting. Look at how you are honestly, critically evaluating yourself, your situation, and what you need to do to improve. Anyone who consistently stays aware and open while making efforts to grow, cannot help but grow. Just don't give up, and don't start thinking that your efforts are wasted just because things are hard or you make mistakes. You aren't a monster for having destructive thoughts or lustful feelings; on the contrary, these are normal human reactions to life that you can notice and then move through and beyond. Don't fall prey to the insidious lie that you need perfect understanding or perfect behavior or perfectly pure thoughts and desires before you can make any progress. Just do your best, one step at a time. “You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain.” ― Tom Hiddleston
Day 235 Feeling more confident at work again, but need to make sure I’m keeping it under control. I don’t want to become an arrogant so and so, I’d rather see my confidence feed my better qualities.
Day 3 complete! This hasn't been the easiest streak of all time but I'm managing it well thanks to the help of my AP partner. Since my last relapse I noticed I've been fantasizing way more than I normally do. Obviously I'd like that to stop and I'm working to combat it, but at the same time I'm taking it as a positive sign that my brain would rather concern itself with real women I see/meet than with porn. We are called to be with God in all ways, at all times, no matter what is going on around us. But that doesn't mean we can't have other things involved too. We're not all called to be cloistered contemplatives, as nice as that sounds at times. St. Rose of Lima, pray for us!
Day 12 Been inactive past few days with getting ready to go back to school for Spring semester. Being back on campus is sensory overload with all the women but I'm more prepared and secured in my recovery than ever before. Going strong so far and gonna keep getting better and more resilient.