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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by RiseToGreatness, Sep 22, 2019.
R. I. P
I liked it , on the personal i love this characters , they are not living or dead.
Day 36 monk mode.
For me semen retention (SR) and caffeine is terrible combination. There is this thing that when being on SR I already feel this extra energy, which has some strange feel to it. It's not very stable and it's difficult to control. More often it dictates how I feel. So it requires a lot of work to reach a calm state. I already have my system. But when I drink coffee or green\black tea or eat too much chocolate it goes on another level. To the places, where I am not in control at all. And that's what happened yesterday. I was in a long train ride back home and my mom added for the trip some food, chocolate and instant coffee packets. I went back on my word and I payed the price. It was a sleepless night trying to fall asleep, then realising that I will not be able to do that and starting to watch TV, then getting bored and of course frustrated and being tempted to pmo. Luckily I didn't do anything stupid. Still - a lost day being tired.
Long story short. I think that I am such smarty-pants but often I behave very stupid. I knew the consequences, so why did I do that?
There is this saying in my language, which roughly translated would sound like this "Reason (wit) always lacks behind".
Spoiler: Monk mode rules
Rule number 1. Of course, no pornography, no masturbation, no orgasm. Check.
Rule number 2. No searching for sexually stimulating material, guarding my look in the street, on TV, on internet, etc. Check.
Rule number 3. Daily prayer. Check.
Rule number 4. Following my day schedule. This includes going to sleep and waking up on time, starting and finishing work on time. Not good today.
Rule number 5. At least one hour a day of activities not related to work, this site or empty internet browsing. Check. A walk.
Rule number 6. Daily journaling. Here or personally. Check.
Rule number 7. Memory practise. I will relate it to my studies, so that I would save time. Not yet check.
It is a reset, when any of first three rules is breached. I should follow others as much as possible.
You gonna be alright ! After doing the right thing and accounting-analyzing your fall you are on the way up that's for sure! Yeah it looks like it was a lack of discipline to do the not so easy tasks that you punished yourself for. Start a new and do something good, even one thing, that will rise your self esteem and pull you out of feeling low.
Day 17 no P
Day 12 no MO
I had a close call last night where I got triggered by a reoccurring thought and I started to search. Not explicitly for P or P-subs, though that was a thought on my mind. I saw a bunch of distracting things, nothing sexual or triggering, but the last thing I saw for about five seconds was NSFW drawings and I was overcome with this feeling of nausea. It was not that explicit, but the realization that I was even searching for things to distract my overwhelmed brain (I had had a long day, especially with waking up late and then getting things figured out for work), and I stopped. I was trembling as I quickly closed the app, and I sat there shook. I had promised myself no peeking or fishing, and I did. Not for long, but I did. And I wanted to throw up in disgust. I just sat there wanting to cry, wanting to pull up actual P and wanting to PMO/MO. However, I did not. I just sat there, my heart racing, my eyes watering, my breath short and quick. But then my mom who was in the living room with my family called to me and said I should dance with her. So I did, and I put on AC/DC and rocked out until I was out of breath. Then my sister put on a comedy game show from Britain and we laughed for two hours and I went to bed at 11pm. Got up today just before 8am for my class and then I still feeling ill I took an nap from 10AM-12PM. Then I went out with my mom to get a gift for my dad for Father's Day (a massage gift certificate), and then picked up my prescriptions from the pharmacy. I took an ice cold shower when I got back and now I am eating a late lunch at 2:30PM.
So what did I learn from last night?
Well, I realized that I am an emotional PMO/MO user, that when I have a really rough day, I just need to close my laptop and walk away for the day, no devices, and just hang out with my family. It was a wake-up call because I thought I would be able to stop myself from fishing, but I was not completely aware of what I was doing until I came across the crude drawings. It also made me realize that my zero-tolerance for fishing and peeking has to be slightly adjusted, because I stopped in the moment that would have been my breaking point in the past. That is a success. I stopped the moment the drawings appeared instead of looking for actually stimulating material. With that said, it is my future goal to stop before I even start searching whether that be in a conscientious fishing or searching for distractions. As I said above, I was not explicitly search for P or P-subs, but I was not not doing that either. I was just trying to get this reoccurring thought out of my head, and instead of deciding to reach out to an accountability partner about my stress, I made the conscious decision to go online. So whether I was intentionally looking for P/P-subs or not does not matter. I was still trying to use media to reduce my stress, and that is something I do not want to do.
In a way, I am proud of myself for stopping, but I am also upset because I cannot say for certain that had I not gone and danced with my mom that I would not have relapsed, and that makes me sick. I honestly just want to cry and cry and cry. I did not relapse, but I feel like I would have if things played out slightly differently and it reminds me that I am not free yet. I might be going on half a month hard mode, but it is still so easy to fall. I was not getting complacent per se, I was just broken down from the day and P/P-subs, and non-sexual, but just as stimulating, media have traditionally been my go to for stress relief. No stress relief here though. I still feel wound up, and I am need to do something to deal with the stress because if I do not, I will relapse, and it will be bad.
Fewer urges today but still adjusting back to life with a computer!
I am a fan of the new rank! Gotta get past that chaser feeling where the Ring keeps drawing you back in!
All my best to you Fellowship!
You've done well ! Such a breakthrough ! And your accountability is very good ! Some of the best ways to deal with stress are to: meditate, exercise in moderation, have a good healthy diet and religiously follow a good sleep schedule to get your 7-8 hours of quality sleep each night.
Hope this will help you to deal with your stress.
and another day ...Had some strong urges (not physical but some dirty pictures started coming to mind so I had to stop my meditation about 45 minutes mark ),cold shower didn't seem cold enough today , few good walks and overall productive day !
Day 3 ... I think.. It feels kinda weird as I think I am already flat lining, but I think it has to do more with my alimentation mostly and all the changes involved with moving on my own again. Of course, one should not forget pain and solitude, which have the ability to darken the spirit and mind.
There is a call to adventure that I keep hearing and I keep on not answering them properly due to my previous listed...one can say .. "Troubles".
In other cultures, I might say that I am in the presences of a God, yet my weaknesses, long inbuied in me, are halting me from ascending....
Reality is so peculiar tbh, and yet I still carry with me my past on a pilgrimage that requires nothing but myself.
I wish you a very good and calm night.
Day 5! Keep it up!
Orc IN THE LORD OF THE RINGS CHALLENGE
Some thoughts about fighting PMO and sexual imbalances
The easiest way to get rid of PMO and sexual imbalances
The easiest way to get rid of PMO or sexual imbalances is outdoor sports and long walks. The energy gets balanced if you do some running every day or some type of physical exercise.
Exercise releases dopamine so less need to get it from porn. Also if you ever relapse if you start to work out right away it's more easy to be balanced again physically and mentally. You have less urges and binging.
A healthy body is a prelude to a healthy mind both are connected. I haven't meditated or done difficult practices all my life to be balanced but I always worked out.
Conclusion: put some shoes on and do some running or outdoor sports to get rid PMO or sexual imbalances.
I hope she enjoying now and doesn't feel any pain.
@FellowCompanion thank you.
Beautifull picture. Thank you
Had a single strong urge today around midday but it helped to tell myself to remain calm and sit with the feeling rather then act on it or try to push it down. Also thanking myself for not giving in later in the day.
Its been incredibly hot and sunny where I am but I love it. The sun makes me feel good and I just wanna get active when it is out. Something for me to be thankful about.
Got great sleep last night and today I've mostly focused on work. Took a nice walk. I'm going to exercise and meditate and pray soon.
Hard to get a good cold shower in June.
Keep your head up bro, it’s not a failure, since with out failing, we can not succeed.