The Most Important New Years Resolution I've Ever Made

Yeah I'm totally getting the chaser effect. Not ridiculously horny but I've been having thoughts questioning NoFap and questioning whether I really need to abstain from MO. I also notice I get a touch excited when I go to the internet on my phone because I associate it with porn. Lastly, I did cheat with the slightest porn substitute today (no I did not result care about the best dressed at the Oscars, but it is what it is).

However I'm aware all of this was due to chaser effect. There won't be any relapsing from me anytime soon!

Separately, I spent all day working on one application and I submitted it half an hour ago. I'm happy with what I submitted! Going to have a relaxing day tomorrow. And my half marathons this Saturday!

 

Thanks guys! The half marathon started well but injury prevented me from ending strong but it was a great experience!

 

My 74th Day

I recently deleted the porn blocker on my phone since I didn't realize I was just using a free trial and that was bad. Firstly I realized how easily I can bypass any porn blocker in the future and secondly it was a big trigger. I'm having those thoughts again. The thoughts of I don't care about this or porn would be so nice right now. Its scary. By not checking this everyday, I'm losing sight of my reasons and that needs to change. Tomorrow I'm going to order a laptop and this will change. That laptop will never see porn.

Another important thought occurred to me. When I'm craving porn, it's refreshing to realize that all I'm craving is porn. When I think of having sex, it doesn't excite me as much, and then I realize that I'm just hungry for porn. That realization actuallu helps the craving because I know the porn won't satiate that hunger. I didn't word that well because I'm on my phone But I tried...

 

My 75th Day

Had a rock solid interview today. I feel the cravings have diminished a bit, so I must have been going through some chaser effect.

I have been feeling a bit lethargic lately. Takimg humongous naps. I might still be recovering from the half marathon. I might be getting sick. Good thing I'm on break!

Not much to say today but here's to 75 days! I don't think I've realiZed it or said it out loud but this is the farthest I've ever gotten without p m or o. I did an 87 day streak hard mode with a gf but I was cheating the whole time. And I have had a 120 day streak but that was allowing MO. So I'm going to pat myself on the back here because I don't think I've been really internalizing and acknowledging how far I've come!

 

My 76th Day

Had a solid day. Selected my picks for the March madness bracket. I spent a lot of time researching for purchasing a new laptop. I'll make a selection tomorrow. I organized all 8 programs I want to apply to by deadline so that I know what's due when. I also made a clear set of goals for tomorrow.

My ex gf came over and we hung out for a bit. She brought up the possibility of us having sex if she was single. I think she's thinking this because she's a bit disappointed with her sex life with her bf now and part of her wants what I provided. Feels nice to hear you give a relatively good performance and its also nice to know that we could be having sex. I responded in a way that let her know that it would almost definitely happen if we were in the same city and both single, whether it be 10 years from now or a few months from now. She's definitely down. Part of me wanted to be with her right then, but it is what it is.

Then I started massaging her back and I kind of just did that for an hour while we watched our tv show. She took off two layers of clothes, so it was just her undershirt, so that I could give a better massage. That turned me on. I wanted to kiss her neck, but I didn't. She knows she feels more comfortable with me than her new bf in some ways, but I don't think she realizes how a massage isn't just a massage. She's comfortable with it but I doubt her bf is. But whatever.

Today on tinder, I saw this girl that I had a crush on but kinda gave up on. I was considering swiping left and just using the knowledge that she has tinder to give me confidence to ask her on a date. But I swiped right. Hopefully she's interested too because it would be super easy to converse with her!

But asides from her, I think I need to delete tinder. It is a bit of a p sub and I feel so nervous about certain people knowing about my account. For instance, ive seen my old student once and ive seen two girls where my sister was a mutual friend.

On a separate note, I have a date on Friday with this girl I met 3 weeks ago (same girl I was hoping to get coffee with). She's cool, down to earth, and I don't feel nervous. Should be fun. I don't think she's one to sleep without being in a relationship, but it's still a date. I'm not over thinking it and I'm going one day at a time.

 

My 79th Day

My date yesterday went alright but I didn't find myself super attracted to her, so I don't think I'll follow through. I could have reached to hold hands or maybe kiss at the end but I didn't want to and I know that's a sign that I am not really into her. It's a shame because she's a cool person, but I didn't feel that comfort that I have felt on a date with a girl who I'm genuinely attracted to.

Had another wet dream last night - it was a really sick dream haha. I was running with three friends to get to the start of the marathon. Some guy by the train station said "Hey are you guys going to the race?"

We said "yeah!"

He said, "well you guys have to take the train!" and he wouldn't give us a fucking choice haha. So we're on the platform of the train and I realize I don't have a way to pay for it. So I ask my friend if he could spot me. He's super hesitant and I convince him I'll pay him right back! He holds out his metrocard grudgingly and as he hands it to me, it blows away!

I'm like SHIT! and I run after it. It falls in the tracks and without hesitation I jump in the tracks to get it. I pick it up and the trains coming! Shit! I try to lift myself up but im struggling (sometimes we move sluggishly in our dreams). I think well this is fucking classic! I'm trying and the trains coming. Its getting closer! Oh shit I might not make it. I make one last push and I sort of make it in time when I wake up

And I look down. Shit did I just piss myself from this dream? Oh how about that, that was a wet dream. I didn't feel horny when I woke up or during the dream. There was no orgasm. It was a fluid-y semen so I think this was mostly seminal fluid with little sperm. I'm guessing from experience that this is expelled when you have an orgasm-less wet dream.

So that's that. On another note, ive been spending way too much time on tinder. I have a pretty addictive personality...

 

Thanks. I don't know about tinder. I'm super addicted to it. I want to stop but I can't lol. I said I'll stop after my first match but if course I didn't lol...

 

How much time do you spend on tinder per day?

 

I think it's addictive because it's designed like a video game. I don't think it's too much deeper than that. And I am of course just "looking for an adventure". We'll see where this goes.