The Most Important New Years Resolution I've Ever Made

My 81st Day

What a shit day. I got rejected from the two programs I had a phone interview for. This is including Teach for America. I'm really down because I feel I'm more than qualified. It occurred to me that I will have no idea what I'm doing with my life if I don't get into any program...

FUCK!!!!!!!

I'm sick of rejections

 

Thanks for the support! Talking to two friends and my mom helped a lot. I also saw some kids at the place I volunteer for and playing with them really took my mind of this.

This set me back a day, but I'm right back at it, working on more applications as we speak. It was scary getting the rejection since I thought I was definitely qualified - it scared me that I might not get into other places. But that thought process isn't stopping me from continuing to give it my all in my future applications.

 

My 84th Day

Feeling great. At work that girl I've had a crush on happened to be next to me (and by "happened" I mean I made sure I worked next to her) and we had a great conversation. Any hesitancy I had about whether I wanted to ask her out completely disappeared. She's such a cool person and she's gorgeous too.

And then I left for a minute and came back and said, "do you want to - uhm I think you're pretty cool, would you like to get coffee sometime?"

She was a bit surprised, but said after a moment, "yeah sure".

And then I got her number. I was so nervous when asking! But it worked out. the nervousness wasn't there when I was talking to her, just when there was a fear of rejection.

So that's fucking exciting.

I deleted my tinder account too. It wasn't really adding to my life and I swiped right for this girl, and I'm guessing she doesn't check her account.

On another note, the girl I went on a date with a week ago has been initiating text conversation a few times and I don't know how to kindly tell her I'm not interested.

And on another note, it didn't occur to me how close I am to 90 days til now. That's pretty cool!

 

Man! I started messaging this other girl I had a crush on and asking questions about the program she's in. Then she interrupts me and says, "why don't we get some coffee and talk about this?"

I was thinking of initiating that some day but she did! Very exciting.

 

My 88th Day

What a hectic two days. Yesterday had coffee with her, and we walked around and talked for 4.5 hours! It was amazing. She's so cool and I loved talking to her. I felt the enthusiasm was mutual, so I'm hoping to go out again sometime soon.

Yesterday I also worked a lot on apps and had to work extra for my job. Today I worked overtime and then submitted three applications before the deadline today. Finally done. But man I'm having trouble not thinking about this girl...

 

My 89th Day

Bleh I'm thinking of this girl too much. She's really slow to respond to texts, which I think it's because she's busy but it's fucking with my head so much because I keep thinking that maybe she wasn't interested?? I felt this way with another girl I went on a date with several months ago but she wasn't responding to my texts because she genuinely wasn't interested. I was hoping to keep a small casual conversation going via text but she takes literally half the day to respond. I want to ask her to go to some event this weekend which I was fully confident in doing but her slow responses are killing my confidence. I even ran into her for a few minutes (couldn't really talk) but she still hasn't responded. I hate caring this much because it's getting exaggerated, not because I like her more and more, but because I don't know if she likes me back. This will hopefully be resolved by tomorrow.

Something I realized recently is I don't think about masturbating as much as I used to. I don't have crazy urges, but rather I feel very comfortable and used to the concept of not masturbating. Porn is a bit Trickier because porn subs can appear anywhere but my resolve has been strong. Just have to be more careful about that in the future...

God I wish she'd text me back already haha

 

I understand what you mean but it Sounds like you're talking to me as if she already rejected me. I felt confident she was into me, but the texting was playing mind games with me. And I do have options bro. I have two girls I work with who have given signs that they're interested (but I'm not). There's the girl I went on a date with two weeks ago that is super interested (but I'm not). There's this girl I had a crush on a while back who suggested a few days ago that we have coffee sometime. I have options. I've created options. But This girl that I had coffee with two days ago is amazing. I'm really into her. You'reright that there's no need to get hung up overt one girl but that advice applies if she rejects me. And if she doesn't like me, I can get over it because I got options ;-)

But when you talk for hours and have a great conversation with This amazing girl, you want more. So I was being stupidly obsessed with wanting her to text back. But she Finally just did. She's just a slow texter, but I'm going to ask her to This even This weekend and I'm super confident she'll say yes.

It'll be a reward for hitting 90 days.

 

This post kind of bothers me and I'm having trouble figuring out why. I know I'm feeling a bit infatuated and it's bothering me that this is on my mind all the time so I came to NoFap to vent about that. I just told crispy that I'm creating other options. I'm having coffee with this other really cool, attractive girl tomorrow. So I'm not some loser that's obsessed with her and will do anything to get her. Because your post is making me feel as if I am. If she tells me she's not interested then NO BIG DEAL I'll just move on. it'll sting but I know after a day or two I'll be fine. You're also assuming I'm acting like a "super nice guy" loser and your advice is targeted towards completely changing my mentality towards women. Im not a "nice guy". I know how to play this game. I know what women like and when a woman likes you. And who the fuck said anything about being in love? Don't love her until I fuck her? What kind of advice is that? You're advice is acting like a slap in the face. You're telling me to wake up and get my shit together and stop obsessing over one girl. That's not the advice I wanted. I just wanted to open up and vent about how this one girl is occupying a lot of my mind because she's one of the coolest people I've met. I feel something about someone that I haven't felt in a while. This isn't just about getting laid as much as possible. And I'm not showing her at all that I'm thinking too much about her. No-one knows about it except here on this little forum. So don't talk to me as if you understand exactly what's happened.

Sorry for the vent. Your post just left a very sour taste in my mouth.

 

Thanks! I'm totally going for the year to be P and M free

I understand. I haven't been constantly texting her. I just initiated with a "hey how are you?" and if get a long response implying she's engaged in the conversation. Except I'd get it 5 hours later. I wouldn't respond immediately but when I would she would reply with another engaging long text but the huge time delay would be weird. Whatever... I'm not in the same place mentally. I'm going to see this other girl tonight which should be fun.

Oh yeah and I had another wet dream last night

 

I really appreciate you bringing this up. I know I need to not watch it but I'm conflicted because I was really looking forward to the social aspect and watching it with a friend. And I want to find out what happens, I'm not watching it to cheat for the nudity. But even if I watched and looked away during the nudity, I would be able to stay pmo free but those 10 weeks might suck. If every Sunday I see a glimpse, my Monday and Tuesday might suck because of a pseudo chaser effect. I'd be willing to deal with the painful chaser effect to watch but I would not be willing to ruin my streak. I feel it's possible if I go into every episode completely prepared to look away. If I watch an episode with a low guard, I will fail. Argh this is frustrating

 

My 92nd Day

I realize, IGY that my last post was terribly written and that's a product of typing on my phone (still haven't bought a laptop) and having a lot of scrambled thoughts on the topic.

Had a good day yesterday. Met with a friend after work and we had dinner. I wasn't sure her intentions for meeting but I quickly learned when she mentioned her boyfriend lol. But I actually had a fantastic time. We kept the beers coming and I got a chance to learn about being a teacher which she's doing. After a bit we started getting more personal and we had the most amazing, stimulating conversation. We were opening up to each other, sharing stories, learning about our previous relationships etc. It was so great. She said I haven't had this great and honest of a conversation in I don't remember how long. At the end, we both found ourselves saying, "did we just become best friends?" Maybe in a few years I'll tell her how I thought that we were going on a casual date lolol. But even though it wasn't, and even though we're not going to be a thing, it was amazing to develop a genuine friendship so quickly. And I don't have a feeling of frustration ("I wish she was single so we could date") because I really am interested in this other girl.

Bleh so we had a ton of beer and that fucked up my quality of sleep so I slept from 12 to 2 and now I'm up for the night lmao