Virginity Is Empowering, Not Embarrassing

Taken from an article in the Huffpost.

"I’ve had to come to terms with the fact not everyone will be understanding of my decision. I have tried to prove to men I was somehow ‘worth waiting for’, that we could create a relationship that was meaningful, but have been most often met only by their constant disappointment. I have been guilty of doubting my character, doubting whether what I had to offer in a relationship was enough.

However, all these experiences have built in me an almost concrete belief that sex isn’t necessary for me to be happy. While sex has been explained to me as this physical – and, apparently, soulful – interaction that bonds people together, I’ve found so many deep connections that don’t revolve around that. Being people’s confidants around their trauma, hearing about their life backgrounds, their passions, hobbies, and beliefs has brought me immensely closer to them and created these long-lasting connections. I may well have sex in the future with someone I truly trust but, as writer Jodi Tandet put it: “while I remain open to the possibility that I’d enjoy sexual contact with a person whom I can deeply trust, it doesn’t change how I feel in the present. As of now, I’d be perfectly fine dying a virgin.”

In our society, virginity is synonymous with purity, and promiscuity with sluttiness. But we must realise that the amount of sex we have should not define our worth as humans. Whether we have trauma around sexual intercourse, are asexual, or simply just haven’t had sex, our worth as human beings, surely, has to go beyond our sexual history.

Whether you prefer to find your worth beyond your virginity, or choose to proudly embrace it, both avenues should be respected. I am incredibly proud of my virginity and what it stands for but, just as how becoming obsessed with sex can be detrimental to one’s mental health, focusing too much on our virginity or lack of sexual experience, and what it says about who we are, can harm our mental health too. Above all, I’ve learned there is no reason to change yourself to appease others. When we make decisions about how we define ourselves, it’s vital we are both happy with those choices and willing to live them out.

I’m not pushing sex off the table entirely – instead, I’m pushing for us to reconsider our outdated views of virginity and abstinence. And I’m pushing you all to find strength and peace of mind in doing it all, or none at all.'