Hello everyone, New to this site. Mostly new to the idea of sharing my life with strangers. COMPLETELY new to the idea of sharing my porn addiction with anyone. Very long story short, childhood trauma and sexual abuse early in my life, including a disgusting family member who introduced me to all kinds of porn when young, became a thorn in my side that I hid from the world for nearly 30 years. For 30 years I lead a double life: one was very successful...the other saw me slipping further and further into porn addiction. I thank God that I've never been afflicted with a desire to actually physically DO any of the things I saw and never in a million years would I cheat on my beautiful wife, but my addiction that was hidden in darkness for so long has now come to light, and my world is upside down. I'm just starting an extremely long and difficult road. I must get over the addiction NOW, once and for all. It's my only choice. I have to stand tall, for my family, even if the world crumbles around me. Our character is defined by how we react when tried by fire, isn't it? So here is my reboot thread and cry for help. It's both, I guess. My thought: there is so much to be grateful for in life. Don't let those things slip through your fingers while you waste precious heartbeats chasing some sexual high that you will NEVER achieve by looking at a computer screen or fantasizing about things that can never happen. There will come a point where the addiction will irrevocably rip your life to shreds, and you'll long for what you have now and never be able to rewind time or answer the question: "Why didn't I just stop?!" There is no "Right answer" to that question, and you'll spend your life hurting for lack of an answer. Just stop...and be still. Think of me as the guy who just died jumping off a cliff, watching you staring over the cliffs edge and begging you not to follow me; I promise that it leads to suffering, and trust me, I know. I wish I didn't. My cry for help: I'm devastated and doing the best I can to walk this path honorably, regardless of my past. I feel like every good thing I've ever done has been replaced by the words "Sex addict," like I've been tattood with the Scarlett Letter (for any high school reading list fans out there). The situation makes me physically ill, but I owe it to my family to do my best and be my best. If you pray, please pray for me. I need strength to sustain me and Providence to carry me through when I don't have the strength to do this on my own. I have had thoughts of suicide and I feel tempted to ask for anti-depressant drugs, but I just can't live my life as a zombie and it won't change my situation anyway. If you have some encouraging words, or just understand my suffering, please feel free to message me or respond to this thread. Thank you everyone.