When hope is your only hope

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Class Endorsements, Jan 14, 2019.

  1. Class Endorsements

    Class Endorsements New Fapstronaut

    Hello everyone,

    New to this site. Mostly new to the idea of sharing my life with strangers. COMPLETELY new to the idea of sharing my porn addiction with anyone.

    Very long story short, childhood trauma and sexual abuse early in my life, including a disgusting family member who introduced me to all kinds of porn when young, became a thorn in my side that I hid from the world for nearly 30 years. For 30 years I lead a double life: one was very successful...the other saw me slipping further and further into porn addiction. I thank God that I've never been afflicted with a desire to actually physically DO any of the things I saw and never in a million years would I cheat on my beautiful wife, but my addiction that was hidden in darkness for so long has now come to light, and my world is upside down.

    I'm just starting an extremely long and difficult road. I must get over the addiction NOW, once and for all. It's my only choice. I have to stand tall, for my family, even if the world crumbles around me. Our character is defined by how we react when tried by fire, isn't it?

    So here is my reboot thread and cry for help. It's both, I guess.

    My thought: there is so much to be grateful for in life. Don't let those things slip through your fingers while you waste precious heartbeats chasing some sexual high that you will NEVER achieve by looking at a computer screen or fantasizing about things that can never happen. There will come a point where the addiction will irrevocably rip your life to shreds, and you'll long for what you have now and never be able to rewind time or answer the question: "Why didn't I just stop?!" There is no "Right answer" to that question, and you'll spend your life hurting for lack of an answer. Just stop...and be still. Think of me as the guy who just died jumping off a cliff, watching you staring over the cliffs edge and begging you not to follow me; I promise that it leads to suffering, and trust me, I know. I wish I didn't.

    My cry for help:
    I'm devastated and doing the best I can to walk this path honorably, regardless of my past. I feel like every good thing I've ever done has been replaced by the words "Sex addict," like I've been tattood with the Scarlett Letter (for any high school reading list fans out there). The situation makes me physically ill, but I owe it to my family to do my best and be my best. If you pray, please pray for me. I need strength to sustain me and Providence to carry me through when I don't have the strength to do this on my own. I have had thoughts of suicide and I feel tempted to ask for anti-depressant drugs, but I just can't live my life as a zombie and it won't change my situation anyway. If you have some encouraging words, or just understand my suffering, please feel free to message me or respond to this thread. Thank you everyone.
  2. Hello, I read your story. I struggle with some of the same things you do. I was exposed to porn and a sex addict lifestyle when I was 7. It impacted me very deeply and has been crippling in my life. I have gravitated towards nothingness. I am glad that you are here facing your problems head on. I pray that God will give you the strength and the hope that you need. You can overcome this by His grace and power. The fight is worth it. Your family and society needs the best that you can offer. I hope that you will be able to heal quickly. I relapsed last night/today and I am heartbroken. Im trying so hard to get free and I fail so much and Im fighting apathy and indifference within me. I am trying to weaken and defeat the part of me that says I cant do it and that I dont want to be free. I hate my self sabotage.
  3. Replace the first "hope" in your title with "Jesus" and you'll be good.
    He helped many of us and He will Help you too if you seek Him with your whole heart and ask Him to set you free.
    May Jesus bless you and lead you in right path.
  4. stagow

    stagow Fapstronaut

    You see, don't look back at the past and mourne over your mistakes or the things that happenend. If you really feel sorry for all the past things, you'll change your habits for the sake of your and everybody elses future. What is the thing you want people to remember you? As a sex addict? Or as the guy who beat the addiction and stood over it?
  5. FindingTheLight

    FindingTheLight Fapstronaut

    I’m in the same boat your in my man. I’m on day 16, so I’m no where near being completely healed, but one thing that has helped me is to replace that terrible habit, with some good habits. Those have been working out, basketball, cold shower, and spending time with the Lord. Also, seeking help from God helps a ton as well. He wants to help you, you just have to trust in him. Another thing that helps to just to flee from those urges. You have to recognize when your being tempted, and make a u-turn. Anyway, best of luck to you my man and stay strong! Also, I’ve had depression and still struggle with it daily as well. Trust me, it does get better just stay strong!!!! You got this!
  6. I agree 100% with what you said here. I remember wanting to stop all by myself. I tried stopping for a year and did it but It just left me so so weak. Day by day I started to feel as if I can't do it any more but still forced myself. It was awful! No strenght whatsoever, just forcing and forcing myself to the point that I told God that I don't know for how long I'll be able to go through this anymore. But thank God I realised that I couldn't do it by myself and started to pray and ask God for help. And it helped me soo soo much! Everyday when I get up and before I go to sleep, I do the same thing. Ask for help. He helped me and believe me! He can help you too
    Brother... I went down that road. Trust me. It is not worth it. Anti-depressants doesn't always work. And if it does work, it still wouldn't be enough. Anti-depressants have its side effects and oh Lord I hated them. Bloating, constipation, exsessive hair loss. I mean it was the worst. And when you go off anti-depressants, the withdrawal effects are just horrible. I had a very horrible type of dizzyness where I could feel like my brain was getting zapped over and over again non-stop for like 5 to 6 days straight. I could not handle it, seriously. I think that what you need to do is pray. Pray for everything that you are struggling with and tell jesus to take away the burden off your shoulders. I believe that if you do that repeatedly, Jesus will. It just takes time.
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