Why I believe it is essential to find distractions

Around the time I quit fapping and porn, I was a pretty distracted guy. I recently slipped up one night but it was more of just a random thing from being horny while stoned off my ass (to me, pot is an aphrodisiac) and not really comparable to my former lifestyle which included habitual porn and masturbation. For this reason I keep an eye on the streaks but don't obsess about it which I have found is the most healthy mindset. Watching porn every day certainly is not manly, but abstaining from masturbation won't somehow miraculously make you a man either.

Sensitive and potentially triggering material below, read if you are not thin skinned but it is important and relevant IMO.

Spoiler

Moreover I recently lost my virginity, which, while it will not do miracles as far as boosting confidence, it at least ignited a spark that had basically gone out in me. The girl was obviously into me enough to want to have sex with me, and we had sex a total of 3 times. During those experiences I realized that porn is extremely different from sex - especially mainstream, scripted and acted porn. Amateur porn is more realistic. There is a lot more touching and less subtle things that occur. Also, for some men, myself included, arousal takes time, which is something a lot of people believe is restricted to women. Not the case. And if you watch porn a lot, expect yourself to be desensitized. That was a big worry to me and one of the reasons I did away with it.

But what I'd like to say is that if you are abstaining both from sexual activity with another person and masturbation/porn, it is highly important to find another outlet. Around the time i stopped i was broke, unemployed, and angry at the world. I found that by quitting I became more motivated to be self-sufficient, stronger yet more sensitive and soft-spoken at the same time. I've known men who have not learned to defuse the urges and have seen the anger that being alone and sexless can cause them. That's a somewhat dark topic I'll address also:

Whether you like it or not, part of the male imperative is to fuck. This urge doesn't care about feelings, emotions, or the consequences of actions. And as a result of that, the opposite, the lack of intercourse can, for men who are uninitiated in how to manage these feelings, result in similarly heedless anger and aggression that doesn't care about its consequences on others or the world.

My outlet? Besides channeling my energy into my day job to stay ahead in this economic hell we live in, I like dance music. I love going to raves and as a musician I also enjoy creating music. There is an intense energy in that type of music that perfectly emulates some of the way I feel in regard to sexuality and it works well. Some days i just crank it up when I feel pissed and afterward it's all diffused. Find your outlet and what works for you.

What is being a man? Doing what you have to do, being strong but sensitive, having that intense energy to do and create, a very powerful one but knowing how to control and contain yourself. Just my thoughts.