Day 5. I tried to do M this morning, to see if it gets easier to stay away from P if I do M without P now and then - and also to keep my sperm at good quality for the IVF sessions with my girlfriend. I managed to do it with a fantasy, but afterwards I felt really sad. I had to do an extended meditation session to get over it. Weird. Also, I still have urges to look at P and just now I took a very short peak, but I found that it still really doesn't interest me. It's like I'm confused about sexuality in my mind now, I've lost all interest in how I used to experience it - which was mostly by myself behind a computer or with a book - but there's also an unconscious sadness about losing that part of my life. I had no idea this was part of the unaddicting process as well: it's not so much of a fight at the moment, but a sense of missing something and of sadness in letting go - even though what I'm letting go just brought me misery and I really want to let go of it.
Day 1 - anxiety, feeling low, lazy, low energy Day 2 - less anxiety, some improvement in mood, low energy Day 3 - -do- , Involving myself in daily chores
Day 35. Feeling some urges today. I'm also travelling to my house to stay for a few days (holiday in my country), which makes me a little worried, cause I'll probably stand alone in the house and tou guys know the story. Hope to stay accountable, don't wanna stop before 90 days, gotta get my life back. Good luck to you all!
I feel you. I think there will be a part of you, when having left behind a certain time of abstinence, that will see the PMO in a different way, because PMO in itself is an act of self-deception. We see this illusion of what sex is, however our brain has the ability to "reset to factory settings" so to speak. Which is amazing. I had phases where I lost my "appetite" for P or MO for having done it a lot, however that would be a kind of fadigue, exhausted Sex Drive or exhausted neuro-chemicals. Then I had the experience of abstaining for 30 days where PMO, when I unfortunately relapsed, actually felt different. I felt an actual distance between P and MO. They felt like separate things, out of harmony. (Harmony in the sense of being in unison) The idea that these things belong together is something that only abstinence can cure. And the abstinence has to happen together with substitution. Also I wanted to leave a personal opinion about Masturbation while in recovery. I think it is of advantage to abstain from P M and O while in recovery altogether, because either of those will always give you a taste of "PMO" in general (while still in recovery), because due to the addiction, P M and O are all connected in a certain dysfunctional way. And thus Masturbation might just lead to P as well. There are the Easy Mode and Normal Mode, which are still considered to be softer transitions to soberness, which will probably take longer than a Hard Mode. But some say that Hard Mode is actually the easier mode, because you cut out all sexual influences until a certain point, which will make it easier for you to abstain. Our minds need to reset to do the normal sexual things normally again. I hope this makes sense. You might want to check out this video series, which I found very helpful: God Bless You. Keep going strong with this streak!
Oh yeah I know that situation. Make sure you have your mindset and mental tools set and ready and make sure you have something to do. Maybe something creative. And people to talk to. God Bless You. Keep going! You're doing this to save your life and build it how YOU want it!
That's how many days I've been attempting 90 days but haven't made it yet. I think once I do, the motivation to keep going will come from the positive feelings about myself and boost in self confidence.
Day 11/90 No PM (ends May 10) Day 392 attempting this challenge Day 137 weight training (M, W, F) Lifestyle: reduced caffeine, desserts and alcohol
Day 14, longest steak in a while! The WD's have picked up in frequency which are annoying but it has got to come out somehow!