Got though the initial difficult phase of water fasting...(the first week). 2nd and 3rd week is suppose to be more balanced and stable.
Day 124 The Cloud's are Diminishing It is nice to see more than 4 months on the counter again. This fight has been going on a lot longer than 4 months. As I have shared, I have a hard time remembering when I got serious about quitting P. I do know I spent over 25 years PMO. I reached my peak in bodybuilding in 2011 so I guess it was shortly after that PMO got out of control. My increasing PMO habit is what I allowed to cause my demise in bodybuilding. It was about 10 years ago I realized this was a problem. Fast forward a bit, I have been here on the forum for nearly 14 months and giving this fight all I got. I can say that the clouds of PMO are fading away. I am once again interested in my old hobbies. My relationship with my wife has never been better. I feel closer to God than ever. I have peace. Let me repeat that; I HAVE PEACE! I am not looking over my shoulder any more. I am not worried about browsing history any more. I am not cleaning my computers obsessively any more. I have energy. I have goals. I can sleep again. I have dreams. My work is improving. I enjoy life more. I feel like my old self again. I know this weekly post is a little random and unorganized. These are my thoughts tonight as I type tonight. I don't know if I will go the rest of my life without another reset but I sure don't plan on one. The further I go into recovery the less I want to go back. If I even think about the way I use to live in the depths of PMO I get this awful feeling that comes over me that I can not put into words. I just can't imagine living that way again. I don't want to go down that road again. I believe it has taken these 14 months (with a few resets) to experience another life; to experience what freedom feels like to bring me where I am now. I still get urges from time to time. They pass quickly. I still see images from time to time that expose a lot of skin. The women in them are still as beautiful as ever. I guess the nature in me as a man wants to see them and see even more. I know what waits down that road. I know the pain. Often I come to that intersection. I can go one of two ways. One way is the way I lived over 25 years of my life. It offers temporary pleasure and escape but for a price. The other way is the life I am living now. It is the life I gave up on over 10 years ago. Thanks be to God I have discovered that life again. As I come up on the next intersection and the next, I must remain fully conscious of what both roads offer and make my choice. Keep fighting everyone!
I regret of say I gave it to P... it is a horrible feeling, I never regretted so much as i did it this time. All my efforts are in wane..why would I ever do that...!""§§%%&//&%§"! ***Guys relax it was a dream *** LoL...last night I had a dream, in that dream I again was dreaming about watching porn and regretting about it... But moment woke-up sweating, I realized it was all a dream....And it was such a relief...then I went back to sleep again
Last few days have been tough. Urges and thoughts most of the time. I need to keep reminding myself where I want to be and what takes to get there. I keep being tempted to turn back and go to where my P-addled, re-wired brain feels most comfortable. Literally feels like a spiritual life or death struggle.
Hi @Sparco10 , I'm doing the ranking update and notice that your counter has disappeared. You should reconfigure it. Greetings!
Welcome to @Doggy_dogg55 & @mindstrongbodystrong2014 !!! You're in, can see your progress on ranking at post #1. As is our custom for new members, we hope you will tell us something about yourselves.
last week had a few moments of unhappiness mentally and emotionally, feeling of emptiness, I remembered this was a calling to deepen my practice and alone time. starting to rise early again and it feels really good, feeling back to alignment and inner joy is here.
Happy Thanksgiving to the fellow state-siders. Tough week with some poor medical news for my family. But the freedom from these unhelpful habits has made me see that I do have a choice in how I react to the events around me. I’m going to work on being thankful in the moment without judgement today. Welcome @Doggy_dogg55!! @jw2021 Amen to that brother. Thanks for the uplift. @LotusPbraun Good one, lotus! @RightEffort Sorry for the low mood, but I agree: "deepen" and push right through it. @persona2903 Thanks for the service to the group. @flyswat "spiritual life or death" -- I used to not think this, but the difference in my mindset really does seem black or white some days; it's either I go with god, with being present, and with letting go, or the alternative of bitterly resisting life and seeking some sort of temporary satisfaction to save me from my own personal hell.
Hoping things improve for you . Your mindset of choosing how to react to the situation will really be helpful to you and all of those around you . Keep it up .
Well Day 21 is here . Been finally feeling some cravings though nothing too serious at the moment . I can really feel the difference in how I'm feeling these days . Getting more things done around the house , working on my business more than usual and signed up for a training course through my work . While I don't believe in superpowers , the clarity of mind , increased motivation and general boost in energy and happiness can't be denied .
@persona2903 thank you so much. Day 13 clean streak here. I’m 34, been struggling with PMO since really the age of 16. Over this completely especially since it’s lead to PIED. I have hope that my increased utilization of this forum is keeping me grounded. I want to always remember my WHY during this struggle and keep moving forward, keeping getting better day by day and not letting down mg guard.
Still fighting. Almost slipped up last night when I was alone upstairs watching TV…typed in a URL I shouldn’t have. Thankful I got out ASAP before I relapsed and started down that same old path, closed it out, and joined my family for dinner. Learning from this..I can never let my guard down.
Checking in. Having a difficult time, constant urges during down times. Been looking at P-subs, even some P, no edging or M. Mind feels polluted with stress and dopamine. Thinking about re-setting my counter.
End of second week of water fasting : Things got more stable than the first week. I lost about 9kg. I feel more lighter and ready for everything. better clarity of thoughts, better retention and recall of things, less thoughts during meditation. Of course I feel a bit weak now and then...I feel drained out after 8 - 10 hours of working...or If I walk for about 1 hour etc. I would like to break the fast on 01.Dec, being my wedding day
