35 and older accountability, Group 2

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by persona2903, Nov 13, 2019.

  1. Settle

    Settle Fapstronaut

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    The reasons were personal and will likely work. I agree w boyrose in that leaving coffee is easier for some than fapping.

     
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  2. I quit coffee 6 months ago too, and I still crave the highs but not the anxiety and panic attacks,

    Overall did it to be more peaceful and one less thing to stress about, so thankful for letting it go
     
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  3. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    It’s the weekend again and I aint working overtime. So if it wasn’t clear before, it’s becoming a lot more clear now; having reflected on this question, when do 90% of my relapses happen?: on the weekend. When did my last relapse happen: on the weekend.

    I was listening to a 5 year nofap veteran on podcast talking. And he was saying, when you know you have lot’s of downtime coming up (like on the weekend), one needs to have their days planned out to the T; knowing exactly what you are going to do, and approximately what time you are going to do it.

    For my last relapse what was I doing that caused a relapse: I was laying on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through the channels (redflag right there) until I found this movie with two hot chicks in low cut tops. I remember off the top of my head 4-5 more relapses where the exact same thing happened. Mindlessly scrolling either on the computer, or netflix, or the dam evening news and this hot blond news anchor came on and I relapsed off of her.

    I’m 5 days in. Every 10 days in a row I get a massage. 5 more days and I get a nice reward. But likewise, if I’m foolish this weekend; next week I get to spend 120 plus dollars on a sex therapist for an hour just to tell them: “you’re my punishment for jerking off."
     
  4. richsimm22

    richsimm22 Fapstronaut

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    This is good info on it. Keep it up fella.
     
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  5. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. I am not in any kind of plan. It’s a simple yes or no question. Are we fully committed? The answer for me is no. Within one week I need to get into some kind of program.
     
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  6. Steveal3aneef1

    Steveal3aneef1 Fapstronaut

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    sup Bros, I hope you are doing good with your streak, I'd like to introduce you to the Porn free Radio podcast https://castbox.fm/channel/Porn-Free-Radio-id2224908 I listen to it daily, it has a ton of advice and insights to help you fully recovered. this is one of the tools that help me during recovery.
     
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  7. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    First time seeing her videos. Thank you for sharing. Having more content to view on the topic focuses the intention of my brain.
     
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  8. InnerMan

    InnerMan Fapstronaut

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    Intention = your aim + the resolve to stick to the aim. My approach is to keep the intention simple and specific. For example, 102 days ago, after a binging relapse, I found a quiet nature spot and made the intention that 'I will abstain from PMO for the next 120 days no matter what.' It sounds so dry but I then spent like an hour REALLY getting into it, feeling my way into the words and more importantly, into the motivation behind the words. The why is so important! I did a lot of visualization to imagine myself after 120 days, living with the benefits, literally seeing myself in my mind's eye doing things that I value because of the surplus energy. And I also used my memory to recall how horrible it feels after a binge and what I'll be like in the years to come if I keep PMOing. It wasn't a pretty sight!

    Don't know if that helps at all, happy to talk further if you need more clarity.
     
  9. CraftyDad

    CraftyDad Fapstronaut

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    I have a mixed update. The bad news is that I ended up having a reset on Friday. I looked at some porn images, nothing else, but I need to be consistent and reset my counter. At the same time I'm proud I was able to leave it at that, and I have identified some patterns: the tension increases throughout the work week, unlike a few others the week-end has now become much easier for me. That also makes it easier to see what I can change, and I'm hopeful for a longer streak.
     
  10. I noticed after every once a while, I forget the reason why I am doing this and the very core purpose of being on this path which creates an inner conflict, part of me wanting to stop the whole thing and give myself permission to watch porn. Over the past year or so I have developed the habit of taking Sundays off for silence, meditation, and reading sacred books, I noticed whenever I take the day off, I become aware again, why I am doing this and my doubting mind becomes cleared, My mind starts to understand the why and I become so committed to the path again.

    I was just recently reminded of the hungover that takes over my mind whenever I used to watch porn and the feeling of constantly being at war with myself, whether I should or shouldn't do it again, so feeling gratitude for re-newing my commitment, and going to go for the rest of the year without any changes

    I also just got a new book called "Celebration of Discipline" which has been helping me to avoid getting arrogant over my 'good disciplines', and not doing them with expectations of getting something, instead of doing them out of love for truth, freedom, and peace. It is sharing how enlightenment or God-realization is a gift of Grace, and grace is freely given to all without desiring, so I can't discipline myself to become worthy of Grace, but the point is unless I discipline myself and avoid those blocks I won't be aware of the Presence of grace because my mind is too agitated over pleasures and fears.

    The main message is to keep the beginners mind always, not to feel proud for being on this path, and not having expectations of getting any thing special from this because they all will result in disappointment. I just honor the path that I am on and will do it without expectations because I love God and love truth and love to experience more bliss and share it with others.
     
  11. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    I listen to this podcast daily.
     
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  12. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    WARNING. LONG POST. READ WHEN YOU HAVE TIME.

    Anyone in here lift weights? Well, I was listening to a recovered porn addict podcaster. And he was saying that we really need to have some kind of written program, on paper, that we follow and review regularly. Like lifting weights in the gym, for example, I know if I’m making progress in the gym based on if the amount of weight I’m lifting is increasing every 1-2 weeks. And if it's not, then I know I need to take a step back and review what I’ve been doing: maybe my diet needs to get better, more sleep, more water, maybe take a week off to rest my body. That’s kind of how I tell if I’m making progress in the gym. Along with a personal trainer, weighing myself on the scale, looking at myself in the mirror etc. But how can I realistically expect to succeed at nofap, for good, if I don’t have some kind of written plan that I follow to gage my progress and setbacks?

    This last week, I have been brain storming from the last couple years of nofap; about what has been working and what has not. And I’ve come up with this: a written game plan that I’m going to put into action. A list of things that I believe will make me more successful at nofap. So this list below, while not perfect, and will need to be tweaked, I think it’s a good starting point in the next evolutionary step in my recovery.

    Everything on this list is related to nofap, and on this list for a reason, even if it does not make sense to you. And everything on this list must be done daily, except when it says otherwise.

    This is like my nofap 10 commandments, and if I follow it, there is no reason I should not begin to make massive progress in my recovery.

    1. 5 minute cold shower
    2. Drink one gallon of water
    3. 10 minutes of meditation
    4. Diet 80% clean (basically, one reasonable slip-up allowed daily).
    5. At least 3 days a week of weight room training.

    6. Check in with a real person weekly, (face to face) and tell them about my porn struggle. Get it out in the open. For the time being, I’ll be using a church, and doing weekly confessionals every Saturday talking to a priest briefly.
    7. No facebook, instagram, twitter, or other social media. I can appropriately use youtube, but only at the public library or at work, never at home.
    8. Only can use internet access or go on the computer when there is someone around: family around at home, public library, or at work, or anywhere public, just need to be people around.
    9. Must make a real attempt not to fantasize in my head about sleazy stuff (this is where meditation practice is important).
    10. Must make a real attempt to avoid looking at “eye candy.” A glance is okay, because sometimes it just happens, but nothing more (eye contact is okay).

    11. Must brush my teeth, floss, mouthwash 2 times.
    12. Must read 20 pages of a book.
    13. Must brush my dogs teeth.
    14. Must allow my dog 30 minutes of outside time daily.

    15. No internet devices in my bedroom like: phone or tablet, etc.
    16. When I do use the internet, it must serve an actual purpose related to something I’m trying to get done. No uselessly surfing the web. So I probably should not be on the internet for more than 15 minutes per day based on this rule.
    17. I can use spotify and netflix (only movies you would allow a 5 year old to watch; Disney movies, animation, etc) appropriately as daily treats on my own, but only when i finish all the chores on this list for the day. And the moment I abuse it I lose it and must be held accountable for the week.
    18. Every night before bed, I must read through and bring reflection to this list of commandments, and check off with a pen whether I accomplished each of the required goals for the day. And if I miss a single daily goal, just like that, I must hold myself accountable.
    19. Once a week, the night before the new week starts, I need to go through this list and make adjustments as needed that will help me succeed. I must add to this list if needed, but I cannot remove anything.

    20: Must listen to some of this podcaster daily (Recovered Man: Matt Dobschuetz) because he inspires me to get PMO under control.
    21. First thing every morning and right before lights out at bedtime: I must repeat, out-loud to myself for 5 minutes, the intention of why I am doing nofap and why nofap is important to me and why I must succeed at nofap.
    22. When watching TV with family, no ogling over hot news reporters or hot contestants on wheel of fortune, etc If I find myself doing that, I must literally walk away immediately.
    23. When I eventually relapse, I must punish myself accordingly. And if I end up binging, every one of the relapses in the binge must be accounted for as soon as I get back on track. In other words, if I relapse, jump back on the wagon immediately or it will be very expensive.
    24. No PMO.

    REWARD:
    Now, every 7 consecutive days (7, 14 ,21 ,28 , 35, etc) that I put together, I must reward myself on the 7th day with some kind of treat that I actually enjoy: going to a restaurant for wings and beer, going to a movie, getting a professional massage, going to a park to ride roller coasters, go skydiving, etc; whatever I want. I understand that these treats could get expensive, but that’s not the point. I believe that a reward system will help keep me focused. But likewise, if I fail to complete even just one of the daily things I mentioned above, I must have some kind of punishment.

    PUNISHMENT:
    I must, that very week, if possible, make an appointment and pay out of pocket and meet a sex therapist for a 1 hour session (which will run me anywhere from 50-150 dollars). How many 150 dollar speeding tickets would you need before you learned to slow down? This punishment does seem severe, but I believe if I follow all the things on this list, it will drastically improve my results immediately, that’s why I set the bar high. But everything on this list is pretty simple to follow as well, so really no excuses.

    Some of the things on this list will be challenging, like controlling fantasizing and “eye candy,” but then that’s the point. That puts me in a spot where I need to practice meditation seriously.

    For those of you who actually read this, if there’s anything you think I should add to this list, or do differently, please tell me and I’ll consider making some changes for the start of week 2. Otherwise, once I post this, it’s official. And I will hold myself accountable with the punishment above and tell you guys about it.

    NOTE: I understand right now that I feel motivated because I’m 8 consecutive days into no PMO; and as soon as I relapse I will quickly become uninspired, that’s why it’s crucial that I hold myself to the accountability that I wrote about above.
     
  13. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    I’m currently at 8 days and I did not technically relapse. But I’m restarting my day counter back to 0 because I’m starting the new plan that I posted above and this will make it easier to track.
     
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  14. ANewFocus

    ANewFocus Fapstronaut

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    This is my struggle but more extreme. A few days or week of success and I get lazy on my daily practice and then I forget the why and a slip is always around the corner.
     
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  15. nonfap

    nonfap Fapstronaut

    Hello, just checking in here. The last week has gone well but I wasn't alone very much. Now I'm alone and I'll be alone like normal probably. So I need to prepare myself for it. When I'm not alone it's much easier for me.
     
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  16. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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  17. boyrose

    boyrose Fapstronaut

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    Checking in. Day 1 of the work week complete. At work for 12 hours and now chores at home and then early to bed because workout in the morning and then straight to work after that.

    During the week I just dont have much time. So in a way I hate the weekend. Because that means I have hours of free time to get into trouble.
     
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  18. icy_tundra_21

    icy_tundra_21 Fapstronaut

    I have read the rules and would like to join this group
     
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  19. persona2903

    persona2903 Fapstronaut

    You are in @icy_tundra_21 , welcome!! You are incorporated into the ranking of post 1
    It is our custom for those who join the accountability group to make a short presentation of themselves...
     
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  20. InnerMan

    InnerMan Fapstronaut

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    Checking in. Day 107 and 2 weeks out from my 120 goal.

    On a fun note, went ahead and gifted myself a Yamaha V-Star 1100. Am thrilled! Any bikers here?
     
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