42 months FLATLINE - Is there any hope ?

Experiment1996

Experiment1996

Fapstronaut
Hi guys.

In summary:

Age 26

PMO (porn, masturbation, orgasm) from age 13 - 22. I quickly escalated and watched categories / fetishes that would really disgust me in real life. Nothing illegal but very disgusting stuff.

Month 43 currently and I am still in the flatline / in PAWS (post acute withdrawal symptoms).

Other name for PAWS is "protracted withdrawal".

PAWS lasts between 1 - 4 years.

I had PAWS reductions at month 4, 6, 18, 32 and 40. This means that the symptoms became weaker.

Month 1 - 18 -> TERROR

Month 18 - 32 -> TERRIBLE

Month 32 - 40 -> PAINFUL

Month 40 - now -> UNPLEASANT

Current symptoms: Social anxiety, brain fog, anhedonia, fatigue, low energy, low motivation, low libido, no morning wood, weak bladder and urine stream.

No relapse, no sex, no masturbation, no porn, no conscious ejaculation, no alcohol, no drugs, no medication, nothing.

TRE (trauma release exercise) has reduced my anxiety. I can definitely say that. But the other symptoms have not been reduced by TRE. I recommend everyone to do TRE.

I am still firmly convinced that I have PAWS. It cannot be anything other than PAWS. When I stopped PMO, I got PAWS and the symptoms still haven't gone away.

I am still not the person I was during PMO times and I am not the person I was before PMO times. I still don't have my personality back. I still find it strange to see myself in a photo. I still don't recognize myself 100%. I think I still have DR (derealization). It seems as if the "glass pane" is getting thinner and thinner.

I still dream about masturbation, porn and I also have real sex dreams. How is this possible after 3.5 years of abstinence ? My symptoms get worse when I have a wet dream. It takes me about 60 hours to recover from a wet dream. Then I'm back to my standard flatline level.

When will I finally be cured ? At the end of December 2023, I will have completed 48 months (4 years). Is it possible that PAWS of PMO lasts longer than 4 years ? This is really sick.

Check out these short 4 minute videos. It's so easily explained.

DOPAMINE

DOPAMINE 2

This success story of 48 months motivates me to continue. This guy used "Gabapentin" for 6 months and had PAWS for 48 months -> 48 months PAWS - Gabapentin

I have visited the following sites in the last 3.5 years:

FORUM.NOFAP.COM

FORUM.REBOOTNATION.ORG

YOURBRAINONPORN.COM

BENZOBUDDIES.ORG

SURVIVINGANTIDEPRESSANTS.ORG

UNCOMMONFORUM.COM - This page has been deleted.

Most of the people who have been cured and published a success story have written that only time and abstinence led to healing. Even if they have maintained a healthy lifestyle.

I always tell you the same thing. Only time and abstinence leads to healing. You cannot shorten the duration of the flatline. A healthy lifestyle can reduce symptoms by 5-10% but not shorten the duration of the flatline. Because I tried everything: sports, swimming, walking, spending time in nature, socializing, reading, working, TRE, etc. This can only make the symptoms weaker by 5-10% but this cannot shorten the duration of the flatline. People just don't want to accept that.

In the comments I always find people who nevertheless write the following: "You have to do yoga. You have to meditate. You have to do this and that." You have no idea! This is the truth. And the people who write this can't even do 90 days hardmode.

I wake up in the morning and I am tired. It doesn't matter how many hours I have slept. I am never energetic when I get up in the morning. When I get up I feel no drive to "conquer" the day. No energy to really push me to start the day. I don't yet feel that energy that pushes me to get up immediately, shower, shave, go out and be productive. I still have no emotions. If I feel anything, it's either anxiety, anger, or sadness. Sometimes hope. But mostly I'm without emotion

I don't feel like writing anymore. I keep repeating myself ;) I wrote all this in my previous posts.

I will publish a post every month until month 48. So my next post will be on 01 August 2023.

For the people who write to me privately and ask 100 questions. I am ready to answer these questions by phone call and not via chat. It's easier for me that way.

See you soon.
 
This is only somewhat relevant but I'll share it anyway.

When I was much younger I had a surgery that wrecked my life, the effects were devastating. I remember when the symptoms started I found a forum of people suffering from the same thing and they all pretty much said it only gets worse. Well, they were right, it continued to get worse and worse until one day at 8 months when I woke up and had a noticeable improvement. I had another one at 2 years, a big one at 6 years and another considerable one at 10 years. Now this was a physical condition rather than a mental one but the point is, the body is always repairing itself, it's just that in some cases it can take a long time. Thankfully I'm about 95% cured of that particular hell now.

You've said yourself that you've had improvements, albeit small ones, so there is still hope. I don't know how long it will last for you but you've just got to keep on grinding out the months. You're at the point now where you're basically a pioneer, no doubt it's not the one you wanted to be but still a pioneer nonetheless.

I've been in the flatline for a similar period of time so I know how it feels, I've relapsed a bunch of times in those four years though so only have myself to blame for still being in it.
 
OhWhenThe said:
This is only somewhat relevant but I'll share it anyway.

When I was much younger I had a surgery that wrecked my life, the effects were devastating. I remember when the symptoms started I found a forum of people suffering from the same thing and they all pretty much said it only gets worse. Well, they were right, it continued to get worse and worse until one day at 8 months when I woke up and had a noticeable improvement. I had another one at 2 years, a big one at 6 years and another considerable one at 10 years. Now this was a physical condition rather than a mental one but the point is, the body is always repairing itself, it's just that in some cases it can take a long time. Thankfully I'm about 95% cured of that particular hell now.

You've said yourself that you've had improvements, albeit small ones, so there is still hope. I don't know how long it will last for you but you've just got to keep on grinding out the months. You're at the point now where you're basically a pioneer, no doubt it's not the one you wanted to be but still a pioneer nonetheless.

I've been in the flatline for a similar period of time so I know how it feels, I've relapsed a bunch of times in those four years though so only have myself to blame for still being in it.
Click to expand...

Hey man.

Thanks for your motivating words. Very interesting what you wrote. I really hope that I will be cured by month 48.

I hope you will never relapse again.
 
Experiment1996 said:
I wake up in the morning and I am tired. It doesn't matter how many hours I have slept. I am never energetic when I get up in the morning. When I get up I feel no drive to "conquer" the day. No energy to really push me to start the day. I don't yet feel that energy that pushes me to get up immediately, shower, shave, go out and be productive. I still have no emotions. If I feel anything, it's either anxiety, anger, or sadness. Sometimes hope. But mostly I'm without emotion
Click to expand...

Man I can relate 100%. Everything you said describes my situation.
 
Man - You've gone through 90% of the way! You are so so much close to final recovery!

You are a Legend! You are very close to recovery! You are our inspiration!

Do not relapse under any circumstances! We believe in YOU! and we want you to succeed!

Do your best! We're waiting for that the day you'll tell us that you finally made it!
 
Mr.Tony said:
Man - You've gone through 90% of the way! You are so so much close to final recovery!

You are a Legend! You are very close to recovery! You are our inspiration!

Do not relapse under any circumstances! We believe in YOU! and we want you to succeed!

Do your best! We're waiting for that the day you'll tell us that you finally made it!
Click to expand...

Thank you man. I hope that I am very close. It's hard to say.

Somehow, the last few months have been particularly difficult. I seem to be losing patience. I think it's because month 48 is constantly in my mind. If nothing happens by month 48, I'll be pretty disappointed and then I guess I'll have to endure another whole 12 months. That would completely destroy me mentally.
 
Experiment1996 said:
If nothing happens by month 48, I'll be pretty disappointed and then I guess I'll have to endure another whole 12 months. That would completely destroy me mentally.
Click to expand...

Let's say nothing happens... than what ?
Listen to me:

- Relax and take it easy and try to get yourself busy, do something you like or you are passionate about!

- Find something you like and start doing something that will make you feel happy, just try to avoid things that are stressful such as the amount of months that passes by.

- Try being extremely stubborn with this, you came so far, do not relapse under any circumstances!

PAWS usually takes 4 Years and few months at best and these are rare circumstances!

I truely hope you heal way beofre the 48 months - but don't lose hope even if it doesn't happen! Stay strong - and remember you are a legend in the eyes of all of us - and we get inspired by you so once again STAY STRONG @Experiment1996 !
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top