[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

5/90- Not been productive in any way this weekend as I have been spending time with my gf. I have had a wonderful time with her and it has made things things crystal clear about what I want in life.
I have made the decision finally to make recovery my number 1 priority in my life even above my relationships, religion, career, finance etc until I have built a firm foundation to where I am 'recovered'. Porn addiction affects every single aspect of my life and if I don't kick it out of my life and simply 'manage' it I will remain stuck forever. Porn addiction is what I term a life trap. I can remain stuck forever. I will do everything in my power to make sure that I beat porn addiction including going for the root cause which is toxic shame. I am truly tired of the vicious cycle of recovery-relapse.

 

day 0

 

Day 89

One of the worst things with rebooting has to be the aches you get in you're testicles LOL. Sometimes I'm having sexual dreams and waking up with morning wood tho so I know its still working ha ha. My diet has been poor this weekend lots of junk food and alcohol but I managed to do a workout today still so some positive.

I WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO PMO!

 

Day 0. Hangovers are dangerous..

 

68

 

39/90 Had a pretty solid day

 

Day 2

Really binged on chocolate bars today. Think my brain is really craving dopamine right now! I'd rather it get it there then PMO I guess. Been very low energy today... certainly a result of the reboot. I must persist! I know I'll get a boost in energy soon enough; it's a waiting game, this.

Thinking about getting a new job going soon. Actually... I may have to, it's getting harder to make it. There is a big part of me that still doesn't feel ready for a few reasons though, and I'd like to get better at making it on very small amounts of money (something I used to be better at). Like brother @Karom (good to see you again by the way) I am also working on clearing out my toxic shame (I have successfully removed some through hypnosis!) and want my brain to be at least a bit rewired, at least enough to not feel weird around girls if you know what I mean...

I guess my financial situation is stressing me a bit; yet I don't yet know exactly how bad it is as I haven't been away from my last job that long. If I can last at least a couple months to recover more I'd like that.

 

Day 6

 

Day 1. Feeling confident about the next step

 

Glad to see you too! It's been a couple of months since our War Mode days. I remember we got some really good streaks going on then. I am also glad that you are working on your toxic shame. I will definitely research hypnosis as a way to remove toxic shame. Keep up the good work!

 

present

 

27

 

Day 84 of my 90 day challenge

 

Day 13

 

my 1st day

 

Day 1
I relapsed on Saturday evening. I was on a downer because I had a second base (a wonderful analogy you Americans have) interaction with a woman from a meetup group i regularly attend. She got a bit clingy and I decided I didn't want to take it any further. I got on a downer and went into a depressive spiral - 'oh why is it i can only pull the women i'm moderately attracted to and even then only once every 3 to 6 months'. I was also a bit annoyed that I might not be able to go back to that group (but this is simply more lacking courage)

But i have reflected on this and the whole point (for me) is to cultivate the kind of spirit which is able to hold together under life's pressures and ups and downs.

Buddhism, meditation, the gym are part of this but nofap is also an important part. So I get up off the floor and go back primarily to try and cultivate the inner strength to deal with life.

 

Day 90

I've made it, goddam, never thought I'd get to 90 days when I started this. 1 thing I've learned is a day immersed in happiness is better than 5 seconds of orgasm/ relief to unrealistic or violent porn.

Wasted so many years watching this Shit...Anyways, what's done is done.Yesterday is gone tomorrow is unknown...Today is what remains.Dont waste it fellas.

I've heard from some Fapstronauts that the urges never really go or you only start really benefitting from a reboot at 90 days onwards, we think we defeated the thing but it never really goes untill the brain is rewired/reset anyways. The moment you slip it takes over you. So I will stay alert/strong and go for 180 days now. I will check in on this forum every now and again and I genuinely wish you all the best of luck in quitting.

Godspeed

 

14 days strong into the challenge. Although my posts have been sparse, I'm still with it. This week shall be a bit of a challenge. I'm going up to the mountains and I'll be alone with my computer for maybe five days.

 

day 1 done

 

I’m on day 27! Everything is going good, I have no urges because I see how bad p was. Knowing the damage, I will never go back! With this attitude and for sight we all can survive this beast!