A very detailed journal. 120' days.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Sinfree, Dec 22, 2016.

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  1. Sinfree

    Sinfree Fapstronaut

    26
    91
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    Hello, this is my first post here. I usually just skim through NoFap and /r nofap to grab information and read through success stories. But this time, I actually came to share my progress with those that might need it.

    First let me introduce very briefly about who I am:

    1. College Student (-engineering) currently taking a gap year (returning this winter)
    2. Had been suffering from Chr. Depression (+social anxiety and bipolar, but now I'm good, I'll tell you guys how!)
    3. Day 120+ on Standard mode, and Day 60+ on my Monk Mode. Unfortunately I had to reset the counter about 5 days ago. (And so I figured that I could provide middle ground to both beginning fapstronauts and for those struggling between 60~120 days in this post)

    2 Things I am Sharing on this Post.

    1) Everything About Day 120+
    - Introduction
    - Pros/Cons
    - About 120+

    2) What I did to overcome Depression, Anxiety, and other.
    - The Journal
    - How I overcame Depression


    Okay so let me start without any further a due.

    Introduction...

    ... It was on the historic day of 6.10.2016 that my best friend from high school introduced me to NoFap. This was almost 4~5 months after I had taken a leave of semester and I had been subject to PMO for about once every couple days back then. But after my friend introduced me to NoFap and its communities, I tried it out. I was kinda convinced about how Men's Sperms carried so much vital energy, that whenever a Man relapses, he is ought to be de-energized.

    I did fail various times in the beginning. I remember how painful it was, (now that I had to reset it again just 5 days ago) having to reset my counter various times. It seemed that the pleasures of PMO -ing (I'm writing in the form of reducing any triggers as much as possible.) became greater once I decided to let go. And I am sure that many are struggling in this stage of NoFap. It's just like when I first declared to quit smoking, which I had been doing for 3 years back then. Lol, all of a sudden, people around me told me that they would gift me cartons (that's worth about 60~70 dollars per carton btw) of cigarettes if I wanted. As such, PMO seemed to be so much more promising of pleasure all of a sudden. It was as if the devil himself wanted me back.

    Pros/Cons of NoFap

    Pros: Productivity, No BrainFog, More Stamina, More Energy Flow, Confidence, Dreams, Vision, Absolute positivity, Life becomes meaningful, No Emptiness, Full of something, Regain Appetite for food, hobbies, social interaction, etc. Cure against Depression, anxiety. Wake up better, Feel less lethargic. Highly motivated, Motivation More attention from people, i.e. opposite gender because you are confident, better man, best version of yourself. Cure against ED as well, Stop fantasizing about girls, stop checking out girls on the street.

    Cons: You will have a roller coaster ride. You will have shitty days and amazing days and sometimes neutral days. **You will No longer be subject to the free rewards system of PMO. If you want to go back to PMO and get that 3 second orgasm in turn for your life, please, exit out of this thread. (I hope no one actually does though, obviously).

    :PROS outweigh the CONS SO MUCH!

    1. About 120+

    Alright, I am going to make this as concise as possible in bullet points. NoFap is amazing in that it lets you become the best version of yourself.

    Read,

    "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."
    -Steve J.

    and ask yourself, everyday,

    "Are you the best version of yourself today?"

    *You WILL achieve greatness through NoFap. Motivation surges, energy flows in you and you become a real Man. I have been able to write tremendous amounts within these 120+ days. I personally dream to publish my own book, and NoFap is a crucial tool that leads me.

    *Time FLIES by you once you reach beyond 60+. It feels like your whole soul becomes liquified into jelly and your time just flies in weeks, months. I don't know why this works but I can guess that because my productivity, focus, growth increased drastically? You get immersed into what you do, for me weeks just fly by so fast.

    *You will have Numb Days. What this means is that you will have days where you just feel like you are coasting through life. As in you will feel down. Many Times. But now that you are in NoFap, you will find that you are given the option of choosing what you want to do be it dreams, hobbies, passions than just merely smoking, drinking, playing video games, Netflix-ing. Yes, you WILL have sh*t days. (Personally, I have had like almost a third~fourth of the 120+ days be like sh*t.) IT IS OKAY, it is just a process, and you will achieve success in the end via progress. Every couple of days, you will feel like sh*t.

    I wrote the Pros/Cons so that you can see what that Success will look like.

    *NoFap isn't just about getting girls. Please, guys, don't try to merely use NoFap as a means to get a girl. Realize that NoFap isn't just a method to get girls but a tool that will rewire you into feeling great almost everyday. That means you can actually find and pursue your dreams. I.E. become an author, get that High salary job, become a professional, get that GPA, have a fixed schedule, fight back against depression. Don't narrow your scope of vision to merely getting girls. There is a higher purpose for Man than for him to get his spouse. Get a vision. Read Affirmations every day. Girls will come along the way...

    *I know it is hard. But start reading the Bible. With NoFap, reading the Proverbs helped me because it gave me wisdom and discretion. Start with Proverbs since you are in NoFap. Read a chapter every morning. Follow SAVERS.

    *Start Working Out! It is hard. I still haven't went to the gym to do hardcore lifting. But what I have been doing almost every day - every other day is that I ran 1~2 miles. Running can give you enough exercise, but it is the minimum exercise that you should be doing every day. Excercise is IMPORTANT.

    *This is a Life Changer. Don't just sit around hoping for change, go make change, carry change, and finally Become Change.


    The Journal

    Days 1~14. The first two weeks was probably the hardest, and the most frequent times of triggers there was to hesitate upon. I guess the hardest part for me was giving in to temptation and having to reset the counter. (I have multiple Day 1's Day 3's and Day 5's in my journal because I had to reset various times.) One tip I can give you is to not feel guilty or any forms of self-loathing after you have relapsed. We are humans. We are imperfect beings. Even if you have met God spiritually, you will fail at times. We are still sinners. But most importantly, realize that all this is just a part of the process.

    The graph for NoFap Progress isn't Linear, as you have probably heard already. Yes, it is important that the slope of the graph stays positive, but the instantaneous slope will fluctuate at every turn. What that means is that you will have many, many, many ups and downs during the process of rebooting. It is natural to feel like sh*t one day, and feel great the next.

    So, how do you make it through this? It is simple. just eliminate the thoughts of PMO as soon as they pop up. At first it is hard. And it is okay to fail. But after some time, you will eventually get used to it and it will be much easier. Everyone's methods for this particular stage is different because of the fact that everyone's thoughts are different. Some say that having Porn blockers installed on their computers help them. Some say that they don't allow their hands to be below their waist at all. Do what you have to do.

    Days 15~30. After the first two weeks, people generally lose count and sometimes even forget that they are on a NoFap Journey. Mostly, people just lose motivation. This is why the first two weeks are usually the hardest. It is important to keep a journal or have a self reminder every couple of hours/days.

    Now, I have had the most vivid dreams starting from Days 15~30 until Day 120. It seems like it is connected with the whole reboot process. Somehow NoFap will lead you to Vivid Dreams.

    If you find it interesting, Here's an excerpt from my Dream Journal that I keep privately,

    /Day 15.

    "I’ve been having weird, scary dreams lately."

    First off there was that dream where I was at my house in WonJu and my mom and I had to go somewhere downtown, I drove her there and she got out to get something from the city halls. Beside the city hall building, there was a river with its waters very calm. But all of a sudden, the waters started to flood over to the city halls, and I shouted my mom to get inside the car. But she couldn’t make it and so I had to leave her to go home.

    I was in shock once I had arrived home. I couldn't believe that I had left my mother to most likely die. For a few hours I stood by the door, unable to really do anything. Thoughts about my mother screaming in anguish and pain in the midst of the flood seemed to torture me until I heard the door knob turn. For a second, I hoped that It’d be my mother, but it wasn’t, it couldn’t be. She's dead. I called my mother on her phone and no one picked up, and more importantly, there seemed to be no ringing sounds over the door. I got up and locked the door as fast as I could. The person on the other side seemed infuriated that I locked the door and I could hear brief sounds of anguish and frustration. For a split second, chills went through my spines because I could have let an unknown stranger inside the house, possibly to kill me. With my heart pounding, secretly secreting doses of adrenaline, I texted my brother to see where he was. A few moments later, my phone vibrated and he said he was still at work.

    Goddamn..

    I couldn't move. I wanted to scream out of my lungs but I couldn't say a word. Not a single screech of my voice seemed to make it through my strictly closed mouth. I guess I stayed like that for a few hours, not knowing if the stranger had left or not. After a few hours, I got a call from a number that I didn't know. I picked up hoping to hear the one voice in this world that would make everything okay again.

    "Hello, Michael is that you?"

    I let out a sigh of relief that seemed to alleviate all my anxiety symptoms and breathing disorders. Thank God..

    She told me that she was hit by a flood but that she woke up inside the city halls, But she couldn’t get home because of the flood. She asked if I could go and help. I said that I'd be there in a second, that she just wait for me. I got on my shoes, not even realizing how hungry I must have been, and opened the door to run down the stairs to the parking lot.

    But my body froze instantly as I met a stranger standing in front of the door, still. He was wearing a dark raincoat, and had a black hat on. My heart stopped pumping. Then I guess the dream ended.


    So that was an excerpt from Day 15. I think I have more records written down in Notes, Evernote, Google Docs and i.e. for different days. But you will realize that your dreams will get more vivid as the number count increases. Most times, I realized that I start getting more vivid dreams from around that time.

    Day 21+ I had a mix of up and downs until now. Some days like day 16, 17, I could not do anything. I just sat around, doing nothing but being a lazy ass. Then, on day 21, I found myself in the middle of the day, realizing that I am in the middle of playing video games, watching youtube, or Netflix, simply wasting my time. I realized that I could be doing more things. On some particular days, productivity exploded, and I felt a surge of energy and I felt powerful, something like what must have been a result of NZT pill in the movie Limitless. I now realized that I want more of these powerful days.

    :cool:

    I decided to quit Smoking Cigarettes, which I have been doing for 5 years now. I decide that I will not smoke cigarettes, nor intake marijuana anymore. I also declare that I wish not to drink liquor anymore. NoFap, as well as NoCig, NoWid and NoAlc I want to sleep at 9PM. I started to have a fixed routine. I would sleep at 9~10 p.m. wake up around 5~7. Do SAVERS, a miracle morning routine I stumbled across.

    Oh, in case you are wondering what SAVERS is, here's a link you can check out
    - this is a great morning routing I found out called SAVERS, check it out by just simply googling, 'SAVERS morning routine'

    Day 23. I started reading again. I wasn't able to read like this in years because my attention span was roughly about 3~5 seconds. I can now focus on reading. Every 3~4 days I get days where I am actually calm. I can foresee the future somewhat due to past experience and common sense. Common sense tells me to stop hanging around with these kids that I call best friends. All we do is play pool, play video games, eat, lounge, curse, waste time. I realize I will not get anywhere like this.

    Day 27. I've been reading, self-help books, watching motivational videos, reading, writing my thoughts out onto paper. It helps a lot and I feel like I am actually achieving something. I am not responding to some of my friends when they call me over to hang around with. I limit myself from going out for once a week.

    Day 30+ I started to write an Accountability Sheet in Google Sheets with a Partner. It has specific goals per day that I must achieve, Read/Write/Run/Work/WakeUp/Etc. I recommend you to do this as well. If you don't have a partner it is okay. Just make one yourself in this format.

    Day/Date/WakeUp Time/Exercise/SAVERS/ReadPage #/Title/Write/Work
    1. 12/21/16/9:00AM/ Run 1.2m/ Yes. /20 pages. /Bible/ 3 pgs/ 5 hours
    2. 12/22/16/8:45AM/ Run 0.6m/ Half. / 10 pages. /Brisingr/ 1 pg/ No Work
    3. 12/23/16/10:23AM/Walk 1.5m/ Yes, /Skipped. /Bible. /2 pg. / 5 hours.

    I quit Social Media. I quit once and for all. Deleted facebook, SNS, instagram, and every other forms of Social media apps from my phone. I realized how much pure Bullshit I was being fed through SNS, News, and Such. I want to revisit the very foundations of my life to build a new one, which is selected by my own discretions according to my values and beliefs and none the other.

    (I will now count days by increments of 10.)

    Day 40+ I felt a lot of sexual drive. I got horny a lot. It was almost harder than the first 1~14 days of NoFap. I felt the biggest sexual drive here. I've been going to book stores and reading a bunch of books. Motivation, Inspiration, and knowledge are three things that I focus on these days. I've been having wet dreams a few times too. It' okay since it wasn't PMO.

    I have now a Dream Journal that I keep. These Dreams are so vivid that I can remember every single detail the moment I wake up. But during the day I forget so I like writing them down as soon as I wake up.

    I realize my strides are so much more confident. I feel so great. I am in Seoul right now for summer. I feel like I am living by the famous adage,

    "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."


    It feels as if this, and so many other quotes I have found, resound its voices in my head as I walk. I feel great and I am always craving to be productive. I go to libraries a lot now to work on personal projects. I have set my personal goals.

    My Personal Goals.

    1. Create a League of Legends Montage

    2. Write my Own Book.

    3. Read many books and don't wast a day, Carpe Diem.


    The Accountability Sheet is so far very successful. I have great plans to travel to Europe and Africa by December.

    Day 50+ I am at the book store. I've been reading 1~2 books a week now. I feel the depression very slowly going away. Brainfog is still here every morning. It is very frustrating to wake up and exercise because I don't have that much energy in the morning. It feels dreadful to run/sit ups/plank/push ups ritual every morning. Some days I found myself screaming out loud in frustration. Feelings of hopelessness and distraught. I was very stressed at this time.

    I stumbled across a book that introduced me into Minimalism. Go google Minimalism and become a Minimalist. Along with NoFap, it will make your life greater.

    I wish to travel now. I have all plans already since Day 25. But I might not be able to go because of my back pain. Doc told me that I have to go to the chiropractic hospital twice every week.

    Day 60+ I feel great. Like this NoFap thing is just amazing. Side effects - withdrawal symptoms are there but very minimal. I get very horny again. Even looking at the slightest trigger gives me a full E. I feel very masculine and my sexual drive is beyond tremendous. But with this energy, I now focus more on writing.

    I am back to America, I stayed in Korea over the summer for about 2~3 months. I focused the entire time on curing Depression and getting a good life routine. I'm now at the library.

    At the library, I feel immersed in writing. I've been writing for 2 hours after eating a sandwich that I bought at Au Bon Pain Cafe. It felt nothing like 2~3 hours because I was that focused. Amazing. Truly amazing.

    Day 70+ This week is full of misery. I feel like I am stuck in a prison. Dreadful days pass by. They are grey. I feel like I am secluded from the society. Monotone days. I wrote down so many things at this point. I have pages of pages of writing. I am proud of myself but I can't connect the dots to make a book out of it. I keep on writing every day about different things.

    I feel depressed again. at this point depression doesn't take ahold of my life anymore, it just is there hanging like a pair of dark circles. I don't maximize/minimize like a catastrophe-sizer. But it is just boring.

    The times of solitude is the times of growth. I can't connect with my peers anymore. All they talk about is stuff that I don't care/follow anymore. I feel very lonely because of this. I feel lonely because there isn't a person that I would want to talk to. I have isolated myself from the crowd.

    I still keep on updating the Accountability Sheet. My partner and I are on our 7~8th week. It has been a good journey but I don't think we will be able to keep it up anymore.. We both feel like we are living in a monotone life. Everyday is the same day now. It feels very frustrating. I realized that I read more fantasy books now. I guess I have an escapism mentality whilst reading. I should focus on non-fiction books more.

    Day 80+ I feel better. But I acknowledged the fact that I will have ups and downs at a consistent level. I don't get too excited about things anymore. In turn, I don't get depressed that easily.

    I have been having crazy dreams for the past 50 days. I've been trying to write them all down, but I failed in most cases so I have about 10 full dream recollections.

    Dreams feel live. I read in a thread that it is a reward for NoFap.

    Everything in life is Monotone. I am searching for the meaning of my life through reading the Bible, communicating with the Pastor and reading the Word of God. There is life in the word of God. It is hard to keep up every day though.

    Lately I've been playing a lot of video games. Binge Gaming again. Ahh...

    Day 90+ Literally Same shit everyday now. I wake up in the morning, write couple of pages, eat lunch, read, go to hospital on tues/fri. Go to library at 3, come back at 6. Eat dinner, and play video games until Sleep. I have worked on making a Youtube Montage for my League of Legends. I worked on it for a full month. I guess I am kind of proud. Days are no longer long. I feel like 2 weeks pass by so quickly now. I lose the sense of dates. I always forget what day today is.

    Day 100+ I picked up a few hobbies. I became more resilient and confident in front of the public. I don't hang out with past friends anymore. I am working on myself to become great.

    Yes, I feel like I have successfully shifted the focus of my life from Friends, Pleasure and Instant achievement, to Family, Growth, and long-time achievement. I don't know if I should go back to college because I don't want to.

    Hmm, I really don't know what major I should take.. My mother wants me to become a lawyer . doctor. I don't know if that is what I want.

    (My tone sounds dull & monotone because I've been writing this thread for about 4 hours now.)

    Day 110+ Relationship with God got so much better since Day 70. I started going back to churches. I pray every day and listen to praise songs than pop songs. I lost the purpose of life. I stay within the parameters of God.

    Day 120+ At this point, I lost the specific count. It was meaningless to keep a count daily. I just knew it was day 120 something by adding/subtracting from day 1.

    I got extremely depressed and I relapsed because I felt self-loathing. I didn't necessarily have a crave for Porn. I just did it because I was extremely depressed that day. But I feel strangely better. Now I am on Day 5 again. I don't know what it is supposed to be like. But for me at least, it was really difficult, very monotone, quiet, long and lonely. Okay, it feels like you are doing the same shit every day. But then you are expecting a different outcome somehow, or that you may be going insane.

    Alright! That was it, my experience with 120+. It wasn't much, but it was something. I feel like I explained it as if it was mostly days that consisted of dullness along with monotony. I just wanted to write an honest journal. But it really did feel like that for some reason. I guess I just stopped interacting with the wrong people in my life and that possibly made it seem a bit dull. But anyways it was the best life changing experience that I have had.

    2. Curing Depression, How I naturally did it!

    I had been suffering from depression for about 6~7 years now. It subconsciously probably started earlier but I recognized major symptoms about 6~7 years ago. I was there at rock bottom. Suicidal Thoughts daily, No hope in life, complaining about life, Fuck life, smoke and drink every day, #BackWhenIwasCool.

    Now, if you read through the entire thread, you will realize that a lot of hints were given but I will make sure to contain everything here in this final chapter.

    The Journal holds the secret to Curing Depression, The Natural Recipe: NoFap & Minimalism, and God.

    1. NoFap will give you Energy.
    2. Minimalism will exclude all that is unnecessary in your life.
    3. Finally, God will lead you.


    Here's a quick comparison.

    The Past Me: Smoke half a pack of cigarettes a day. PMO every couple of days. Drink Alcohol, Intake Marijuana every couple of weeks. Play Video Games 8 hours a day maybe. Eat Junk Food. Confused about Identity. Feel lost. Of course I was depressed.

    But now that I have successfully implemented NoFap, Minimalism Plus God leading me,

    The New Me: Intimate Relationship with God(Or at least try to every day or so). No PMO, NoFap. No Alcohol/Cigarettes/Marijuana. Less Video Games. Play Video Games as a reward for spending the say wisely and productively. Eat food regularly. Regular Sleep Cycle. Minimalism. No SNS/ Social Media/ News/ "Junk Feed". Feel better in terms of identity ->More confident, More wise ->Discretion (Not hanging out with friends that only waste time).

    Anxiety is still here, and mind you, the depression is always lingering around the corner to hit me with panic attacks whenever I feel vulnerable. At this point I see it as It always will be like that so I will just try to live a life.

    But seriously, after 120 days, the Depression, Anxiety and others have gone. I started the whole 'Good Life' thing to get rid of Depression and Anxiety in the first place. Along the way, I focused more on Dreams and Passion, Futuristic things, and Now I feel like I am no longer being controlled by that monster that used to live in my attic.

    I actually have so much more to say. But I'm going to stop here since my hands are aching after 4 hours of writing. Ima go for a jog, fetch lunch and probably go write/read again. Good bye now.

    Same Shit Different Day :confused:

    Thank you for Reading this one long thread.

    :D
     
  2. Sinfree

    Sinfree Fapstronaut

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    The Truth to be Disclosed.

    I would like to talk a little about the underlying truth. As you probably know, PMO is fed through screens in the form of dopamine, and the lust towards higher levels of dopamine eventually becomes sin. The pattern of watching P, doing M, and getting O feels good to a certain point. But Beyond that point you start looking for higher sources of dopamine. Bad, Bad, Bad pattern.

    Alright, merely
    BELIEVE what I am giving to you which is the truth. And it is based on everything I have personally experienced. And for those agnostics here visiting this thread, may God's words be transmitted through me to you as well. Everyone has a faith of their own, (Even agnostics, since their faith lies on the absence of an Almighty presence) And so it isn't the question, should you have faith, but where should you put the faith)

    ****"For God loved the world so much, that he sent his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - Johns 3:16 the Gospel. ****

    The secret in our lives lies in the Bible, which surprisingly is the only source of truth in this world. The word World literally means home of satan, as the world is regulated by the fallen angel, he who deceives. Up there in **** this notation is the John's Gospel which means For anyone who believes in Jesus Christ, 'his only begotten son', they will have eternal life.
    This is BEYOND NoFap. Yes, NoFap gives you life. But then Faith in our savior gives ETERNAL life... Get it..?

    God made the Good News (=Gospel) in the easiest form available so that anyone, and everyone will be able to get a chance. If it wasn't simple, how then would illiterate children in parts of Africa be allowed such a chance? The simplest equation is that if you trust God with everything your life has to offer, and meet him through the
    Holy Spirit, then you will become a new man.

    A new man is initially given the right mindset to pull factors of the
    Good life, NoFap, Success with a newfound personal gravity. Basically, you can view this as NoFap, the Good Life, Success, God, they are all related.

    Acknowledge that this is out of your power. No matter how many motivational videos and speeches you will watch, no matter how hard you try against not watching porn, not getting triggered, and i.e. this is something that you cannot succeed with your own will. Then, trust God with it, maybe give praying a chance. But if you do, speak your heart out or else it will not work. Realize I am not trying to enforce religion, but only Faith.

    **** "...Sola Christo, Sola fide, Sola Scriptura" - Martin Luther, which means only Christ, only Faith, and only Bible.****

    God Bless.
     
  3. Sudipto Dey

    Sudipto Dey Fapstronaut

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    Wonderful frnd. you just write a thesis to achive ph.D degree. Good and keep your journey on.
     
    Sinfree likes this.
  4. Bran Cao

    Bran Cao Fapstronaut

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    Happy to read your post and it encourages me! But it is so long that have to finish it some other time. Congrats!for your achievement.
    Besides, I am wondering about the counter you mentioned. Is it an app in this site?
     
  5. Irish Explorer

    Irish Explorer Fapstronaut

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    Amazing post. I'll be coming back to this until I'm actively living out your recommendations. Come check out the Christian group. We could use a strong man of faith such as yourself to encourage us.
     
    Sinfree likes this.
  6. Sleeping_Beauty

    Sleeping_Beauty Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for such an honest and detailed post.
     
    Sinfree likes this.
  7. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    Hmm, have you tried replacing an activity like binge gaming with another considerably more rewarding activity like writing your book? I bet you have and yet the urge to play games has outbeaten you. Maybe if you sit and think why'd you want to do the activity like 5 mins before you do it you'd change your mind. Doesn't matter if you still do it afterwards, 5 min - just try it!
     
    Sinfree likes this.
  8. Sinfree

    Sinfree Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad you liked it. I just joined the group!
     
  9. Thank you! Very inspirational post, looks very much like my own story :D
     

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