Anhedonia - My experience - Will it ever go away ?

I get up in the morning and I don't feel any emotions. I don't feel happy and I don't feel sad. I feel no motivation to do anything productive. I feel no drive and no energy to do anything productive. I don't feel any positive feelings or so-called vibrations in my body and in my brain. I get up and that's it. I am like a robot. I don't feel human. My facial expression is exactly the same most of the time. I look jaded, numb, bored. I look fucked up. My brain is still numb. My senses are numb. My brain feels no stimuli. Everything feels exactly the same. I have no motivation to work at all. I don't want to do anything productive. I spend my time going out into the city, walking a bit and hanging around in the city. I watch people walking, eating, talking, laughing, etc. I don't want to do anything productive.

If a person gave me 1 million Swiss francs, my brain would feel no stimulus. It is as if he had given me a piece of bread. I would just put the money in the bank and that's it. I would have no motivation to do anything with that money. I wouldn't even go travelling. That would be too exhausting.

If I were married to the most beautiful woman, I would have no interest in having sex or being intimate with her. I would sleep in my room and tell her to sleep in another room. I don't even mean it in a bad way.

Somehow it doesn't matter what time it is because everything feels exactly the same anyway. I have lost my sense of time. For me it's only important and good that it's sunny and bright, because then I can do more. I feel better when the sun is shining.

Friends and relatives sometimes tell me jokes or something about their everyday life and show emotion or laugh and I just look bored. I am always very objective and like a robot. I talk to people without emotions. I don't have any problems talking to people like that, but as soon as someone wants to talk with emotions, then I feel uncomfortable because I can't relate to those feelings. I laugh very rarely.

I don't feel any empathy or emotion towards the people who died because of the earthquakes that happened in Turkey. I don't feel anything about the refugees from Ukraine, Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan, etc. either. I don't care what is happening there. That is because of my anhedonia. For me it is only important that I have enough money to eat, drink and have a shelter. I don't care what else is going on in the world.

Guys how long will my brain be numb ? This is crazy. Without emotions (especially joy) you automatically have no motivation to do anything.

 

Check this out for more background information:

My 36 months post: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/36-months-will-i-ever-heal.341254/