Can a boy and a girl be just friends?

yes! that's what I'm saying! CONTROL YOURSELF PEOPLE

 

I'm glad everyone on this forum is taking steps to achieve just that

 

This thread reminded me of a health class where teachers are trying to educate horny immature snickering students on the basics of human anatomy.


Well done.

 

so you don't bang your homies goodnight? ok then...

 

I'm with @Aroma Girl. I have lots of close female friends, some I think are attractive, many I do not. That's fine, friendship can flourish in both cases. In fact, friendship can often help: the more I know someone the less effort I have to put into not objectifying them. That's been my experience of women I have met through yoga class.

 

It's alright if you don't agree with me but it's inappropriate to label it as bs just because you do not share the same views as me. I wouldn't do the same if I were in your position.

I didn't say it's the same kind of relationship. Every friendship has its own unique dynamics and no two boys I know are the same for that matter either.

Sexual feelings are as normal as one's sexual preferences. I like boys and I have a huge crush on one but we get along just fine. I don't do any of that stalking and weird stuff they show you that girls do in movies and I won't let him into my bed if he asked because my attraction to him is just physical and I don't really know his personality.

Boundaries are everything and you have to work on establishing them both for how others treat you and vice versa. It's definitely possible from my experiences in life.

 

Well there is one that is evolving from chad into gigachad and oh god, but nah, not really into it.

I call that shitty personality outweighting sexually attractive body.

Is funny because it also happened to me that a regular, not initially so sexually attractive girl, turned into a bombshell in my head after getting to know her ultra sexy personality.

Weird stuff.

 

It is bs to me, therefore I label it as such, you disagree? That's fine.

Maybe that's just a conceptual disagreement then, because I can see what you mean, and you are right, not two relationships are exactly the same, but there is some commonality depending of the kind of relationship, to me a friendship implies no sexual attraction whatsoever, also to me friendship is friendship, there is no friendship type A and friendship type B.

 

I'm just saying you could have worded it with some finesse but never mind. I'm new to the forum thing so I'm still coming to terms with the fact that people here aren't gonna be like the ones in my social circles. That's on me so nm :/

I'll just agree to disagree

 

I don't know why I'm bothering with this but here it goes.

The idea that there is only true friendship if there is no sexual attraction is absolutely preposterous and sets a standard for a very lonely life; not a lone wolf kind of life but a pathetic inability to control ones self type of lonely life.

What is needed for true friendship? To will the good of another and to respect a person's boundaries. That's it. That's the foundation of all of it. Sexual attraction isn't an enemy to friendship unless you let it be! You have that ability and if you don't then it just means you have some growing to do, which is okay. I get why a bunch of guys on here with self-control issues think it's impossible to just be platonic friends with an attractive woman, I do. But your deficiency in this ability does not render it impossible for the rest of humanity.

 

Mate if anything characterize all my friendships is that we step over the other boundaries like they don't exist until it reachs a level of being boundaryless that is almost close family-member like hahaha

The rest of people are acquaintances.

There is no such thing hahahaha
Either you are friends, or you are not.

I highly value the term, friendship, most people call other people friends when they are barely acquaintances.

But hey, as I said before, this a conceptual disagreement, two people from opposite sexes can surely get along, even if one of them is attracted to the other, I just don't call that friendship.
Notice you have to put a word for it on top of friend. Is not the same thing, nor will ever be.

Just my opinion.

 

It depends on a) your definition of friendship b) your way of socializing c) your personality type.

In my definition, a friendship is a spiritual connection with another person. A friend for me is someone who I can relate to on a deeper level. Sexual(physical) attraction is one form of attraction to a person, but it's not spiritual/emotional/mental (unless it's caused by romantic feelings). That's why if I was physically-sexually attracted to a friend, I would not consider us only friends. Does that mean you can't be friends with someone you are also physically-sexually attracted to? I don't know, I am demisexual and don't know what it's like to find someone sexually attractive based on their physical appearance. I would imagine it would be a limited friendship. I couldn't invite them over to watch Netflix on my couch in my leggings and sports bra for example, spending time together in a more intimate way. At least I would imagine it to be really awkward. Does that mean a limited friendship is bad/not valuable? No. But personally, being extremely introverted, I value deep, close friendships over superficial ones. I don't even know what it's like to have superficial friends or acquaintances, because I never understood the point of socializing for the sake of socializing. But obviously the majority of people likes to socialize that way, so if even you have a hot "acquaintance" where maybe you share the same passion for a band or a TV show or sport, and other than that you don't have much in common, you could have a superficial friendship if you personally are able to value such relationship.

That being said, I think aside from sexual attraction, romantic attraction is in my experience a far bigger problem. All my male friends have sooner or later told me they want to be more than just friends. I think anyone in a serious, long-term relationship will say their significant other is like their "best friend". Because the reason one develops romantic feelings for another person is because they can relate to each other on an emotional/spiritual level, just like when you have a friend (something called 'homophily'). So then why don't people who are heterosexual develop romantic feelings for their same-sex (best) friends? Because they are not sexually attracted to them. So, somehow romantic, spiritual/emotional and sexual attraction must all be connected. That's why in my experience these types of friendships don't work, unless you are able to value superficial friendships where you can enjoy someone's company without actually being close/intimate with them, spiritually or physically. I personally can't.

 

But how do you get to value if someone may or may not become close or intimate without having a superficial friendship first?

Glad to see someone gets it, I feel less insane now hahahaa

Have you ever heard of a bromance? hahahaha

I mean, those levels relatability is what I would call friendship, the rest are acquaintances, and that level of connection cannot go along with sexual attraction without turning into romantic interest hahaha is just how it works apparently.

I didn't make the rules, they are just there...

 

This is the part I don't get about the side that thinks someone desiring more = it's impossible to just be friends. Wouldn't whether or not it's impossible to just be friends be determined by the person accepting or rejecting your boundaries to remaine just friends? Again, there are people who can express a desire and be okay if that desire is not reciprocated.

That's called being an adult.

 

I don't understand the question

That is exactly what I said, unless I misunderstood you

 

No, that's called being you. As I said in my post, not everyone's definition of friendship is the same. I don't want a friendship with boundaries of closeness. That is not a friendship to me. I wonder if you have ever had feelings for someone and tried to force yourself to be friends. It's not a fun experience.

 

I was just using your very well expressed post to elaborate on what I meant in previous posts as some people just put ??? stuff like it doesn't make any sense.

I mean that a relationship doen't go from 0 to 100, you first need to have a superficial relationship before it can develop into a deep relation, so you need to try and enjoy being with people and see if it goes somewhere, "just for the sake of it", people can be surprising, and a great deep relationship can be found in the most unexpected places and people.

 

You not wanting to do that or being incapable of doing it doesn't mean it's impossible for others. I've expressed my desire before and was told no and I respected their boundaries and remained good friends. Likewise, I've had attractive female friends express their interest and when I told them no they also respected my wishes and have remained good friends. Sure, there are instances where others didn't but that doesnt make it impossible for everyone.

Clearly, everyone's limitations are different.

 

I don't understand why you're holding a monologue now about people being individuals and not making blanket statements when my whole post consisted of expressions like "personally" "in my experience" "in my definition".

And you clearly made a generalization there saying anybody who has deep romantic feelings for a person but has to suppress them on a regular basis, being constantly passively rejected by the other person just acting like a friend, equals not being able to act like an adult.