Can a boy and a girl be just friends?

[Deleted Account]

I don't understand why you're holding a monologue now about people being individuals and not making blanket statements when my whole post consisted of expressions like "personally" "in my experience" "in my definition".

True. My apologies.

And you clearly made a generalization there saying anybody who has deep romantic feelings for a person but has to suppress them on a regular basis, being constantly passively rejected by the other person just acting like a friend, equals not being able to act like an adult.

That's actually not what I said. I said a person who can deal with their desires not be reciprocated is an adult. What they do after knowing the other person's boundaries and their own limitations will determine if they continue to act like an adult. Meaning, if you know you can't deal with being just friends then the adult thing to do would be to leave and vice versa for the person who could deal with being just friends.

 

[Deleted Account]

I was just using your very well expressed post to elaborate on what I meant in previous posts as some people just put ??? stuff like it doesn't make any sense.

Okay, I misunderstood you then. I guess most people just can't relate to that kind of mentality of forming friendships? At least to me you made sense.

I mean that a relationship doen't go from 0 to 100, you first need to have a superficial relationship before it can develop into a deep relation, so you need to try and enjoy being with people and see if it goes somewhere, "just for the sake of it", people can be surprising, and a great deep relationship can be found in the most unexpected places and people.

Yeah I understand what you mean now. That's true and I agree that getting to know someone on a "deeper level" is a process. But I am not sure in what context that relates to what I said?

 

[SickSicko]

I don't even know what it's like to have superficial friends or acquaintances, because I never understood the point of socializing for the sake of socializing.

Yeah I understand what you mean now. That's true and I agree that getting to know someone on a "deeper level" is a process. But I am not sure in what context that relates to what I said?

My point is that there is a point in socializing for the sake of socializing, or rather for the sake of allowing the chance of finding those deeper relationships, as they don't start as such.

 

[Deleted Account]

My point is that there is a point in socializing for the sake of socializing, or rather for the sake of allowing the chance of finding those deeper relationships, as they don't start as such.

What I meant is that when I socially interact with a new person, I can tell quickly if we are potentially "compatible" as friends (in my definition), meaning am I just forcing myself to talk about (to me) meaningless things with them, "for the sake of socializing", small talking (the weather, the news), or, can I sense that there is naturally some kind of mental connection/relatability. If I sense that we do have that kind of higher degree of relatability, I will take the chance to get "closer" to them by forming a friendship. Maybe you find it hard to know that based on just a first impression, based on just socializing for the sake of socializing. I can understand that. But for me personally for example, how I relate to another person socially is already an essential part of how I define myself as a person. Meaning how I word things, how I express myself, do they hate small talk as much as I do, are they introverted vs extroverted etc. But I might also just be really picky with people in general because I have been suffering from social phobia since my early teens. It could be a combination of both.

 

[SickSicko]

What I meant is that when I socially interact with a new person, I can tell quickly if we are potentially "compatible" as friends (in my definition), meaning am I just forcing myself to talk about (to me) meaningless things with them, "for the sake of socializing", small talking (the weather, the news), or, can I sense that there is naturally some kind of mental connection/relatability. If I sense that we do have that kind of higher degree of relatability, I will take the chance to get "closer" to them by forming a friendship. Maybe you find it hard to know that based on just a first impression, based on just socializing for the sake of socializing. I can understand that. But for me personally for example, how I relate to another person socially is already an essential part of how I define myself as a person. Meaning how I word things, how I express myself, do they hate small talk as much as I do, are they introverted vs extroverted etc. But I might also just be really picky with people in general because I have been suffering from social phobia since my early teens. It could be a combination of both.

Relatable.

Although in my experience, people can surprise you a lot, specially introverted people, even when I also quickly "judge the book by it's cover" often I try to dig a bit deeper and see what I find, sometimes is a big shovel of dirt, and sometimes I find a hidden gemstone of a person.