Does having sex necessarily equal to a relapse?

[DOWN2SUCCEED]

So, I originally started this journey with the objective to retain and release more semen and not just see a pathetic drop of it after a potential sexual encounter (potentially speaking, since I'm still a virgin, if you couldn't tell from my unnecessary worrying of something so trivial). Thing is, though, that this website is telling me that if I were to have sex, my streak would come - no pun intended - to an end.

Is there a workround to this? I mean, I'm really looking forward to the day where I finally get to use my stuff without any shame regarding the size of my load or whatever. Someone told me in another thread that the standard, 90-day streak should just about cover my semen deficiency problem. Does this mean that 90 is my streak cap if I plan to have sex in the future? Do I have the wrong expectations regarding this journey? Am I a silly goofball for asking this in the first place? I'd love to know what you think.

 

[Meshuga]

It’s… it’s really complicated.

First things first; you have to define your own goal, your own win condition. Some people want to get rid of PIED. Some want to get rid of porn in their life altogether. Some want better relationships, some want to get rid of P so they can find someone and have a relationship. Some people want to eschew all sex and orgasm forever, in order to be a more complete physical and spiritual being. They assume sex and orgasm detracts from that, but not everyone ascribes to this model. I think it’s safe to say most don’t, but if that’s what they want, if they think it will help them, I say go for it. You can always change your mind later.
It sounds like you want a relationship at some point.

that this website is telling me that if I were to have sex, my streak would come - no pun intended - to an end.

Always claim your puns. It shows great personal strength and charisma.
In all seriousness, you should check out the basics, somewhere up there in the top banner, to find what the actual website says. I highly recommend it, there’s a lot of good information about addiction up there, well worth the read, but most importantly it differentiates what the official NoFap stance is on sex as opposed to what a few enthusiastic yahoos claim in the forum. NoFap is officially sex positive, promoting healthy sexual relationships by removing porn from our lives. I think it’s really important to understand that.

With that said, if you are addicted to porn, it’s not really in your interest to be focusing on a potential sexual relationship somewhere in the vague future. I say from a long history of personal experience with porn addiction and years of observing other people’s porn addictions: pornography has in all likelihood hijacked sex in your perception and completely altered what it is and what it is for. You are going to have to disabuse yourself of those lies and work on rebuilding your perception of sex, before you can even quit porn.

So what is sex for? That’s one of those things I can’t truly answer for you. There’s a lot of different opinions. I believe it is for relationships, reproduction, and recreation, in that order. Porn is recreational only, and it knows reproduction kills the mood so it pretends that doesn’t even exist, and it can’t compete with a relationship so it works very hard to deny that is a component of sex. You have a lot of people these days saying “it’s just sex, it’s just bodies, it’s no big deal.” You can see people trying to separate lust and romance, trying to legitimize “aromantic” as a sexual orientation. I don’t believe that reflects reality, I think some people have just become so callous and jaded by porn they have basically psychologically broken themselves, and would rather call the unnatural state they are in a good thing rather than break their sex addiction.

Didn’t mean to soapbox, but I have strong opinions.

So, if you are addicted you do need to figure out what you believe sex really is, or at least, what it should be. You also need to identify the function of porn in your life. What do you think watching porn is going to accomplish? What is it really doing for/to you?

Of course you’re also going to need to build your systems for abstaining from porn, and it will be a lot of trial and error so don’t give up and say it’s too hard after you mess it up a few dozen times. You need to build your healthy habits; replace the dopamine, replace the time, use porn blockers if you have to, identify your triggers, journal regularly so you have a record, all of that. Thinking about having sex, that’s long term. You can think about that after you feel reasonably confident you can stay away from porn. Now, porn and real sex are not the same thing, but I’ve not met many people who could quit porn while regularly having sex. Not even married couples. It’s just not likely.

90 days is sort of an arbitrary timeline, but it’s a decent goal.

Hit me up if you have more questions, sorry to dump on you. No, you’re not a goofball for asking. Maybe I am for getting so intense with you.

 

[DOWN2SUCCEED]

It’s… it’s really complicated.

First things first; you have to define your own goal, your own win condition. Some people want to get rid of PIED. Some want to get rid of porn in their life altogether. Some want better relationships, some want to get rid of P so they can find someone and have a relationship. Some people want to eschew all sex and orgasm forever, in order to be a more complete physical and spiritual being. They assume sex and orgasm detracts from that, but not everyone ascribes to this model. I think it’s safe to say most don’t, but if that’s what they want, if they think it will help them, I say go for it. You can always change your mind later.
It sounds like you want a relationship at some point.

Always claim your puns. It shows great personal strength and charisma.
In all seriousness, you should check out the basics, somewhere up there in the top banner, to find what the actual website says. I highly recommend it, there’s a lot of good information about addiction up there, well worth the read, but most importantly it differentiates what the official NoFap stance is on sex as opposed to what a few enthusiastic yahoos claim in the forum. NoFap is officially sex positive, promoting healthy sexual relationships by removing porn from our lives. I think it’s really important to understand that.

With that said, if you are addicted to porn, it’s not really in your interest to be focusing on a potential sexual relationship somewhere in the vague future. I say from a long history of personal experience with porn addiction and years of observing other people’s porn addictions: pornography has in all likelihood hijacked sex in your perception and completely altered what it is and what it is for. You are going to have to disabuse yourself of those lies and work on rebuilding your perception of sex, before you can even quit porn.

So what is sex for? That’s one of those things I can’t truly answer for you. There’s a lot of different opinions. I believe it is for relationships, reproduction, and recreation, in that order. Porn is recreational only, and it knows reproduction kills the mood so it pretends that doesn’t even exist, and it can’t compete with a relationship so it works very hard to deny that is a component of sex. You have a lot of people these days saying “it’s just sex, it’s just bodies, it’s no big deal.” You can see people trying to separate lust and romance, trying to legitimize “aromantic” as a sexual orientation. I don’t believe that reflects reality, I think some people have just become so callous and jaded by porn they have basically psychologically broken themselves, and would rather call the unnatural state they are in a good thing rather than break their sex addiction.

Didn’t mean to soapbox, but I have strong opinions.

So, if you are addicted you do need to figure out what you believe sex really is, or at least, what it should be. You also need to identify the function of porn in your life. What do you think watching porn is going to accomplish? What is it really doing for/to you?

Of course you’re also going to need to build your systems for abstaining from porn, and it will be a lot of trial and error so don’t give up and say it’s too hard after you mess it up a few dozen times. You need to build your healthy habits; replace the dopamine, replace the time, use porn blockers if you have to, identify your triggers, journal regularly so you have a record, all of that. Thinking about having sex, that’s long term. You can think about that after you feel reasonably confident you can stay away from porn. Now, porn and real sex are not the same thing, but I’ve not met many people who could quit porn while regularly having sex. Not even married couples. It’s just not likely.

90 days is sort of an arbitrary timeline, but it’s a decent goal.

Hit me up if you have more questions, sorry to dump on you. No, you’re not a goofball for asking. Maybe I am for getting so intense with you.

That's quite the comprehensive reply! Thanks for the effort, you.

First off, I've never really had that bad of a relationship with P. It's always been a "get in, get out" sorta deal - just never truly felt like a live-or-die situation when it comes to leaving it behind. Nevertheless, I do think you're right in your interpretation, since part of my reasoning behind leaving P behind is to get my priorities in order as I get older (I will be technically becoming an adult by next year, though being both 18 and an adult are concepts merely correlated by law and not much else, let alone maturity). One of my priorities I have in mind, as a matter of fact, is to finally get into a relationship! So, kudos to you for reading my mind.

As to what P could accomplish in my life, I can't really come up with anything else other than a momentary release of stress and sexual tension. I guess I've always seen it as a quick and dirty way of getting my mind off things, just to clean up and move on a couple of seconds after the deed is done.

Also, just to clarify, I've already attempted this challenge a couple of times in the past. I got about as far as two weeks, after which I quickly forgot about this whole website and whatnot. But, to be fair, I really did just attempt this after being told by one of those "Alpha male" fellows on YouTube that real men don't yank their willies or whatever - it just wasn't that great of a reason to start this in the first place, thus leading me to quickly forgetting about it. Now, however, I am much more prepared, as on the very first day I blocked most P sites I frequented on both my phone and my computer; overall, I just have a lot more structure this time around.

Always claim your puns. It shows great personal strength and charisma.

Dully noted!

 

[Meshuga]

Hopefully P hasn't lodged itself so firmly into your life, and you can eradicate it without major disruptions. For many, it's a key coping mechanism. Removing it makes everything fall down, then they have to figure out what's broken and how to rebuild without it, and it's a mess.

But you're getting way, way ahead of yourself, asking if it's okay to have S when you don't even have a relationship yet. At least, in my opinion. The thing about S is that pop culture acts like it's no big deal, and people do it with all kinds of strangers all the time. In reality it is a big deal and it's extremely stupid to do it with a stranger. Even if you mitigate the risk of pregnancy (nothing is for sure), even if you're the guy, you are still making yourself vulnerable. It's best to be vulnerable with a person you trust, and it's foolish to trust people without spending a reasonable amount of time learning if they are trustworthy. Most women don't want to have S unless there's a reasonable relationship built already, and if you find one who is willing to do it right away... that's a red flag. There could be some problems there. Tread lightly.

The alpha males pressure other men to run out and get laid as often as possible with the hottest women possible (which is subjective anyway, what are they chasing? Status?), but that in itself is a misuse of S and suggests not a moderate amount of insecurity. I'll agree with them, a "real" man doesn't wank his willy, but a "real" man doesn't use women for his physical or egotistical gratification, either. There's no rush to lose your V card, you aren't missing out on anything great by skipping steps and getting a cheapened version of S. It's worthwhile to spend your time right now in first making yourself into a person you think is worth being in a relationship with. Second, thinking about what you want in a long term partner, and your plan to find a person who more or less fits those qualifications. Of course you want to stay flexible. On your journey, you may find someone who has qualities you never thought of and couldn't have appreciated until you saw them.

But mostly work on becoming and being the best version of yourself.