Finally Moving Forward ~Rachie's Journal

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Rachie, Dec 8, 2017.

  1. I’m sure you probably explained somewhere but why do you keep the grandparents at a distance?

    I get losing yourself after getting married. I feel the same. I love people I’m a people person. I used to love planning things and having people over and hanging out with friends and stopped all that because with his addiction he was the opposite.
    Rachie likes this.
  2. THIS is so us. My wife and I loved having friends over / hosting dinner get-togethers...we have a big deck in our back and would grill and hang out with friends. Weather hasn't quite turned warm for us yet .. but the way things are --- I'm not sure we will be doing much of this anymore this Spring / Summer .. [unless things improve] :(

    In Europe, we had our teen's friends hang out at our house a good number of times -- that was fun. But we didn't make any real adult friends...pre- and post-DDay, we were very, very isolated in Europe. (hosting people was something we missed, a lot)
    Rachie and Deleted Account like this.
  3. Rachie

    Rachie Fapstronaut


    His grandpa raped his sister when she was twelve. The family pretends like it never happened. WS's mom was also raped by his grandpa when she was growing up. The whole thing is so messed up.
  4. Rachie

    Rachie Fapstronaut

    I'm going to be out of town this weekend. I actually feel ok about it. Normally, I would be a complete mess, and I am still nervous, but the fear isn't too bad this time.

    I think maybe WS is right. I might be starting to trust him again. Why is that more scary to me than going out of town?
  5. Oh wow! So sry, that is so sad. I can’t believe his mom didn’t keep him away from her children as you and WS are with your children. That is just so extremely sad and uncomfortable.
  6. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    I was thinking the same thing!
    I'm sorry, that is such a tough situation.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I am going to say something completely bitter.

    I honestly wouldn't have taken your children.

    But that's me.

    Here's My reason...
    Now he has faces and pictures and can prove relationship.
    He could take them from their schools.
    Rock Star won't let our children near His grandfather because of the same thing.
    It's completely unsafe.
    And predators don't always filter.
    Rock Stars grandpa is wheelchair bound and almost blind and he still has incestual tendencies and they are part of his pedophilia nature.
    There are people in the family who want to protect him... 'Family first' or whatever..
    Rock_Star would prefer not to 'serve our children on a silver plate'... So we have cut them off... It's a 'him or us' situation.
    But that's just our decision and everyones situation is different.
    I'd just thought I'd share.

    Now... Happy!
    Glad you're excited about your trip.
    That's refreshing from the last time you left.
    I'm so happy to hear that things are improving so much that you are comfortable with leaving and you guys have a plan and are getting in the groove of planning.
    It's great.
    I hope you have a great time!
    You deserve a relaxing trip!
  8. Rachie

    Rachie Fapstronaut

    I came back from my trip this weekend and WS told me that, he's sorry, and he feels really bad about it, but he doesn't want me.

    I have been rejected for the entirety of our marriage. He didn't want me on our honeymoon. After D-Day, I still stayed. Why am I still here? I'm 27. I have a whole life to live. I deserve to be with someone who wants me. Surely, there is someone out there who doesn't think I'm hideous.
  9. Are you serious?? WTH?!?!??
  10. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    He doesn't want you sexually? Or want to be with you at all? Either way, I'm sorry! :( Especially that you had to come home to that from your trip.
  11. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

    @Rachie What The Royal Fuck is wrong with him? Jeez.... so is it that you came home wanting to be intimate and he rejected you, or just, like, "hey, yeah I don't want you or this marriage, let's divorce" ?

    Either way I am sorry. I know that during my time with Jak there have been times where I thought we were done, not because he didn't want me per se but he said he couldn't do a relationship, meaning to him he didn't have the skills, but I took it as he didn't want me. So I get how painful it must be to hear something like that. We are all here for you if you want our support!
  12. @Rachie I’m sry he’s rejecting you like this. You are a beautiful girl and deserve to be recognized as such! Hugs
  13. DemonSemen

    DemonSemen Fapstronaut

    I think what WS was trying to say is that he doesn’t feel sexual desire at this moment. When SA/PAs Reboot, they experience a “flatline,” a period of time where we have littl to no sexual desire. Often it can manifest as a lack of desire for many things. It happens as our brains try to reset our natural dopamine levels. The Highs we experience as addicts are now a period of Lows. When I flatline, I don’t think about sex at all. But it passes and desire comes back natural and healthier.

    WS may not have been able to communicate what he was feeling as he may not have realized it himself.
    Jagliana, Rachie and hope4healing like this.
  14. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

    I really hope this is just utterly poor communication...
    I agree with B3 - you deserve better. I'm confident WS can be the man you need and want - I'm hoping he just temporarily walked through a retard-cloud...

    it's so hard not to let our spouse's issues determine how we see ourselves. you are a worthwhile and beautiful and good person. none of that is dependent on what WS or anyone else says or does. it's just the real you.

    wish there was more we could do...
  15. Rachie

    Rachie Fapstronaut

    I'm going to try to talk to him about everything after the kids go to bed tonight.

    I have no idea what's going on. When I left this weekend, I practically had to beat him off with a stick. He wanted sex. A lot. I come back and he's a completely different person.

    He's swearing up and down that he didn't relapse. It's very hard for me to believe that right now. Before I left, he was looking forward to our future, he had some ideas about moving forward. Again, I come back, and he's ready to just give up.

    He's acting like his life is over, he doesn't want sex with me, he is ready to go live in a cabin in the woods by himself. What on earth happened this weekend?!?!

    Every time we talked on the phone, or texted, he seemed totally fine. A friend mentioned that it could be the blue period showing up early. I've never been so hopeful for something so sucky.

    Overall, he's hurting my feelings, and generally being a dick, so yeah, I'm pretty devastated and very confused.
  16. Rachie

    Rachie Fapstronaut

    The last couple of days have been very frustrating and confusing. I think WS has hit the blue period for real. I think what's aggravating me the most, is that every time I think I've got it all figured out, he changes everything.

    For example, last night was weird. We haven't had sex since I got back and he said that even though he wasn't super in the mood, he wanted to be close to me. He was there the whole time. Without going into a lot of detail, it was mostly just boring stuff, but he was so into it, in a way that he's never been before. It kinda freaked me out, just the intensity of the whole thing. Hopefully, that made sense. I'm not very eloquent right now.

    I just like knowing where I stand. I don't know, I'm just trying to find my footing again. I've told him before, "if you're 100% honest with me, I'll stay forever." So even though all of this is frustrating and confusing, and some days, I want to run for the hills, I'm still here. :confused:
  17. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Give it time.
    This is the difficult part.
    You can do it.
    Make that the mantra.... "I got this"
    Say it again... I got this.
    Now you say it.
    hope4healing, Rachie and Jagliana like this.
  18. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Also... You are beautiful.
    And strong.
    And a fantastic mom.

    Don't forget it!!!
  19. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    I'm so sorry for all that you are going through @Rachie

    Okay, I have a really stupid question...
    What are the differences between those ^

    I know oogling is checking out, but what separates all the different types?
    Rachie likes this.
  20. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    In my signature, darling... Rock_Stars Lists
    Rachie likes this.

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