Finally Moving Forward ~Rachie's Journal

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by Rachie, Dec 8, 2017.

  1. Oh wow! So sry, that is so sad. I can’t believe his mom didn’t keep him away from her children as you and WS are with your children. That is just so extremely sad and uncomfortable.
     
  2. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    I was thinking the same thing!
    I'm sorry, that is such a tough situation.
     
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  3. Rachie

    Rachie Fapstronaut

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    I came back from my trip this weekend and WS told me that, he's sorry, and he feels really bad about it, but he doesn't want me.

    I have been rejected for the entirety of our marriage. He didn't want me on our honeymoon. After D-Day, I still stayed. Why am I still here? I'm 27. I have a whole life to live. I deserve to be with someone who wants me. Surely, there is someone out there who doesn't think I'm hideous.
     
  4. Are you serious?? WTH?!?!??
     
  5. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    He doesn't want you sexually? Or want to be with you at all? Either way, I'm sorry! :( Especially that you had to come home to that from your trip.
     
  6. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    @Rachie What The Royal Fuck is wrong with him? Jeez.... so is it that you came home wanting to be intimate and he rejected you, or just, like, "hey, yeah I don't want you or this marriage, let's divorce" ?

    Either way I am sorry. I know that during my time with Jak there have been times where I thought we were done, not because he didn't want me per se but he said he couldn't do a relationship, meaning to him he didn't have the skills, but I took it as he didn't want me. So I get how painful it must be to hear something like that. We are all here for you if you want our support!
     
  7. @Rachie I’m sry he’s rejecting you like this. You are a beautiful girl and deserve to be recognized as such! Hugs
     
  8. I think what WS was trying to say is that he doesn’t feel sexual desire at this moment. When SA/PAs Reboot, they experience a “flatline,” a period of time where we have littl to no sexual desire. Often it can manifest as a lack of desire for many things. It happens as our brains try to reset our natural dopamine levels. The Highs we experience as addicts are now a period of Lows. When I flatline, I don’t think about sex at all. But it passes and desire comes back natural and healthier.

    WS may not have been able to communicate what he was feeling as he may not have realized it himself.
     
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  9. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

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    I really hope this is just utterly poor communication...
    I agree with B3 - you deserve better. I'm confident WS can be the man you need and want - I'm hoping he just temporarily walked through a retard-cloud...

    it's so hard not to let our spouse's issues determine how we see ourselves. you are a worthwhile and beautiful and good person. none of that is dependent on what WS or anyone else says or does. it's just the real you.

    wish there was more we could do...
     
  10. Rachie

    Rachie Fapstronaut

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    I'm going to try to talk to him about everything after the kids go to bed tonight.

    I have no idea what's going on. When I left this weekend, I practically had to beat him off with a stick. He wanted sex. A lot. I come back and he's a completely different person.

    He's swearing up and down that he didn't relapse. It's very hard for me to believe that right now. Before I left, he was looking forward to our future, he had some ideas about moving forward. Again, I come back, and he's ready to just give up.

    He's acting like his life is over, he doesn't want sex with me, he is ready to go live in a cabin in the woods by himself. What on earth happened this weekend?!?!

    Every time we talked on the phone, or texted, he seemed totally fine. A friend mentioned that it could be the blue period showing up early. I've never been so hopeful for something so sucky.

    Overall, he's hurting my feelings, and generally being a dick, so yeah, I'm pretty devastated and very confused.
     
  11. Rachie

    Rachie Fapstronaut

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    The last couple of days have been very frustrating and confusing. I think WS has hit the blue period for real. I think what's aggravating me the most, is that every time I think I've got it all figured out, he changes everything.

    For example, last night was weird. We haven't had sex since I got back and he said that even though he wasn't super in the mood, he wanted to be close to me. He was there the whole time. Without going into a lot of detail, it was mostly just boring stuff, but he was so into it, in a way that he's never been before. It kinda freaked me out, just the intensity of the whole thing. Hopefully, that made sense. I'm not very eloquent right now.

    I just like knowing where I stand. I don't know, I'm just trying to find my footing again. I've told him before, "if you're 100% honest with me, I'll stay forever." So even though all of this is frustrating and confusing, and some days, I want to run for the hills, I'm still here. :confused:
     
  12. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Give it time.
    This is the difficult part.
    You can do it.
    Make that the mantra.... "I got this"
    Say it again... I got this.
    Now you say it.
    Again!
    :)
     
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  13. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Also... You are beautiful.
    And strong.
    And a fantastic mom.

    Don't forget it!!!
     
  14. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    I'm so sorry for all that you are going through @Rachie

    Okay, I have a really stupid question...
    What are the differences between those ^

    I know oogling is checking out, but what separates all the different types?
     
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  15. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    In my signature, darling... Rock_Stars Lists
     
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  16. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Okay cool, thanks :)
     
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  17. Rachie

    Rachie Fapstronaut

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    It's not a stupid question! I didn't know the difference either. Thankfully, @Kenzi breaks it down, so that its easy to understand.
     
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  18. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Yes, her link was helpful!

    To me, it was always just "checking out", I never heard of the other forms but regardless = any type of looking = :emoji_middle_finger: to my PA. :emoji_smiling_imp:

    I hope you are feeling better today! :emoji_heart:
     
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  19. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I hadn't either. Luckily my PA explained them so I wrote them out for everyone
     
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  20. Rachie

    Rachie Fapstronaut

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    Thank you friend. You are the super-est of super wives/moms and I wanna be like you when I grow up
     
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