Getting picked on for NoFap. Why? Fixes?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by derivative, Nov 24, 2018.

  1. derivative

    derivative Fapstronaut

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    I crossed the 4-month threshold for the second time this year. While my 9 months worth of abstinence have been interesting for me, people around me have mixed feelings about my participation in NoFap. What led me to writing this is observing so many people's negative attitudes towards NoFap and also being judged.

    Getting to 4 months has been more emotionally difficult this second time than it was the first time. The first time (February-June), I was using NoFap to attack an actual issue; porn and related activities hindered my academic progress, sleep, religious obligations, etc. and quitting screwed with my brain because of withdrawals. The second time (August to now), I have not struggled with withdrawals but rather with not being weird in society's eyes.

    To give you a window into what I mean, allow me to share with you a story from today. My family and others (brothers, parents, aunt, grandparents, brother's girlfriend, other brother's friend) decided to watch the movie Get Hard. Of course, this is an R-rated movie, which includes nudity, so I was reluctant to watch it. As ome of my family members had seen the movie before, I asked him to tell me when the dirty scenes were coming up so I could cover my ears and close my eyes.

    Side note: I am avoiding all sexual stimulation. (SEXUAL TRIGGER WARNING: IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO AROUSAL BY SEXUAL WORDS, DO NOT READ PARTS IN BRACKETS.)
    For example, I am not even doing something as simple as [checking out a girl's booty in tight jeans at the store]. I just keep looking ahead or at her face or hair.

    So therefore, you can imagine that I was pretty surprised to see [the scene where the stripper's tits are squished up against the windshield of the car]. I buried my face in the couch and covered my ears. My grandparents started badgering me about how I should love seeing that since I am a college student. My family member who had seen the movie before and whose job it was to tell me when NOT to look INTENTIONALLY told me to look again because "the bad part was over", and [there were those fuckin' tits still!!!]. Of course, I got mildly upset and left the room. When I got back, my brother called me a "pure, white, virgin Catholic child", which everybody thought was hilarious. Cue the laughter. I had to let it go because I only see him once every 2 months and wouldn't want our relationship to turn sour.

    Little did my family know of the chains that I was in because of porn and how much my life had improved by quitting watching porn.

    Another interesting thing - some of my dorm's floor members all met up for dinner about a month ago, and we started talking about the Rice Purity Test. I had the highest, and I got made fun of for DAYS because my score is 96. I wouldn't DARE make fun of anybody for having a super LOW score, mostly because there is nothing they can do to gain back points so making fun of them would be pointless. (also, I believe in ALWAYS doing the right thing and NOT making fun of others, which makes me unpopular in many situations, but at least I have people's respect!).

    I'll give you a third example. In one of my friend groups, somebody brought up No Nut November, and all of them had apparently failed except for me (I was the only one who had been successful in NoFap-type activities). So they started to poke fun at me for being "masochistic", "God", "Jesus", and "a bedsheet ruiner" (a reference to wet dreams from not ejaculating), etc.

    Last example. Whenever I see one of my friends start to use a vape, cigarette, drink alcohol, or hit the juul, in their room (all of which are illegal), I always leave quietly because I am not comfortable being around those behaviors. That will be followed by getting called "sheltered", a "snitch" (even though I have not turned anybody in), or "weak".

    What I want to know is why are my family members and peers so quick to put down others who are living (or trying to live) a more pure lifestyle? To draw a comparison, there is a similar effect with actually obeying speed limit signs (if you DON'T speed on the interstate, it's bad, they say). I just don't get why a similar societal attitude applies to porn related activities: if you don't watch porn and masturbate, you are the weird one out and people make fun of you. (has this happened to anybody else???)

    Why are people so vehemently opposed to doing NoFap when I try to have a conversation with them about the benefits? When trying to convince people to do NoFap, I never shame them or embarrass them, I just throw the idea out there. I also NEVER brag about how many days I've been clean or whatever. But, like a cat waiting to pounce on a mouse, they quickly kill the idea, judge me because they think that I think that I am superior (which is not true), and then move on to another topic of conversation. Usually, one problem is that they don't believe that they can go for even a week or two without busting a nut. People just don't have confidence in controlling their sexual motivation!

    I would think that people would have positive reaction to my new lifestyle of working out daily, reading, focusing intently on academics, abstaining from porn, not masturbating, eating healthy, sleeping well, trying to always do the right thing, enjoying hobbies, practicing religion, and most of all, avoiding sexual stimulation at all costs. Why am I getting picked on more than ever before in my life? There is nothing that I can see that I did to deserve it :(

    This isn't a sob story; I am simply hoping to open up an honest, legitimate discussion about the world's often-judgmental view of Fapstronauts AND what we can do about it.
     
    Eternal Fire, kropo82, Hros and 3 others like this.
  2. wethebest

    wethebest Fapstronaut

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    Do you want me to tell you the truth or sugarcoat it? Because what you're doing is not nofap. You are living like a hardcore mormon. That is why people are treating the way they are.

    But regardless, who cares why they have these views? It's pretty obvious. You run out of the room when there's a sex scene in a movie. You leave the room when people are partying (btw cigs & alc are not illegal). You push your unwanted advice to people on how to live their life. That's not normal behavior, they're gonna treat you differently bc it's unusual.

    Is it bad? That's subjective. Quitting PMO (NOFAP) isn't strange and shouldn't warrant any different responses. But running out of rooms & trying to convince people to do whatever is going to warrant different responses.

    Why not just reboot, keep it to yourself, & succeed? Its not a bad thing if you quit something like cigs and even weed/alc during reboot. I guess I can see not wanting to be in the room w actual illegal items (if youre not about that life), but this seems to an extreme.

    I don't agree that even if a Mormon-esque person was living in the dorms (I'm in college) they shouldn't be bullied. But you can't really be shocked or surprised and wondering why when your treated differently.

    Nofap brings a lot of side benefits/improvements, but people dont need to go crazy. You need a healthy balance of order & chaos in life.
     
  3. Little Bo Peep

    Little Bo Peep Fapstronaut

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    It's because most people are judgmental, defensive, bloody ill mannered, and often just outright plain cruel. They poke fun at what they don't understand or comprehend right? The folks that do that are miserable themselves, and must lead a pretty sad life because they obviously get enjoyment picking on and bullying others.

    It's like a cultural thing passed down, the old stereotype shite that you're a virgin or gay because you apparently don't like women if you don't watch porn. It's seen as this "macho" thing that is actually encouraged and accepted in this society, and the more you stray away from it the worse you get judged because it's "odd" when it's what everyone else does.

    Me dad thinks I'm a cock-up and always gets into a bloody argy-bargy over it, he sees nothing wrong with someone watching porn as he does himself and thinks I'm daft and just gormless... My belief is folks on this planet are bloody clueless, possibly just don't care, but mainly most of all I think they're in denial living in this fantasy/dream world while using porn as an escape/crutch to get on with their lives, so of course they don't want to see the truth or let go.

    No matter the issue there needs to be a serious push on education and like smoking, there should be labels and warnings about the dangers of watching porn. If I started seeing warnings and the negative effects on viewing porn everywhere I went and not just on porn sites, I probably would of found this site or stopped a lot earlier, at least would sure wake people up faster than what it's like now. It's a shame the world seems no problem with it yet so many folks are seeking treatment and mental help from the damage, especially at such young ages...

    I'm glad you at least used your noggin and realised how rubbish and awful porn is, not to mention being responsible as well. I don't give a shite what anybody thinks of you, as I know what it's like to have an addiction so bad it sends you into the darkest places of your mind while they don't understand or care. So stay strong and don't let anyone beat you down mate, folks like you who don't give up through sheer grit and abuse are bloody hero's, I though my recovery was bad enough but after reading that I've changed me mind.

    Cheerio!
     
  4. derivative

    derivative Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your reply. I wanted to begin by clearing a few things up.
    1. I never push NoFap on people per se; if the context is right, i might suggest it and back off if they disagree with me.
    2. Those specific activities are illegal inside the dorms due to state law, so I want to be away from illegal shit

    Now. Thanks for your outsider perspective. I really appreciate when people tell the truth like it is. I guess I kinda do look like a hardcore mormon or whatever.
     
  5. derivative

    derivative Fapstronaut

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    I agree that there should be more of a push for education about the dangers of porn.
     
  6. Little Bo Peep

    Little Bo Peep Fapstronaut

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    It's bloody frustrating, unless you specifically look up NoFap or the negatives of porn you won't find anything bad about it, because obviously the industry doesn't want such a thing and I assume there won't be a law anytime soon to slap warning labels on every site and beyond. That would be bad for business, and we all know they don't care bout citizens health or well being.
     
  7. The world is full of backwards ignorant people who glorify bad values. Sometimes living right comes with criticism. It's really stupid, weird and perverse when you get made fun of for not jerking to porn all night long when you think it would be the other way around. If you cant put up with it then find new friends.
     
  8. meatsandwich

    meatsandwich Fapstronaut

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    Alcohol and smoking is degradation anyways, as it really doesn't help with anything and it's abused to just get trough their own insecurities and it just leads to addiction and depence on these substances. These people are influenced by their peers and they don't want to left out and they wanna be "cool" as the cool people and in the end the "cool" ones are the biggest losers in the life and didn't achieve anything with addictions that they can't quit and can't admit having.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. derivative

    derivative Fapstronaut

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    I used to get really worried when i saw my underage peers smoking/drinking/weed-ing, but my mom told me that worrying about them as much as I was was pointless because there is nothing I can do to convince them to stop and therefore our should be pointless for me to put mental energy into that (sorry for the long sentence) So i compared the idea to a train: sometimes, if you see a runaway train heading for a broken bridge, you just have to let it keep rolling towards the broken bridge. The train's driver will eventually realize what he/she was doing wrong after the train crashes. It may be a nasty scenario, but that is the only way that some people will learn their lesson.

    Because porn is so widely accepted by society, people often fail to see the broken bridge coming before the train lurches off if it and the results are usually pretty awful mentally. I wish that i could help steer more people in the right direction (AWAY from the broken bridge). But we just have to remember that falling off the broken bridge, while it can be horrid, is one of the most powerful tools that people have in self- improvement.

    Acting like a small warning sign along the train route to the broken bridge can be helpful to a friend, but i guess don't invest too much mental energy in some scenarios. Sometimes people get really offended and hurt and think that you are shaming them even when you are not. Porn-using society likes to act like those warning sings near the bridge are no big deal. Some crashes are needed pretty badly so that people can finally realize what went wrong. Just be supportive and a good friend when the train explodes into a fireball.
     
  10. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    a den of opium addicts will try to drag you down to their level of behavior, not try to lift themselves up.

    Think how f-dd up our society has become when virgin is an insult.
     
  11. A well-known P site has been denigrating NoFap on social media. I think it's a good sign that they feel the need to do this, rather than just ignoring us.

    Maybe people will wake up about all this sooner than we think...
     
    Hros, kropo82, derivative and 6 others like this.
  12. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    That shouldnt matter. His family and friends should be supportive of him, not be dicks and make fun of him because he wants to live his life differently than they do.

    Heres the thing, OP. This might not be true for everybody, but I think it is true most of the time. These people are threatened by you. People love to tear down others for loving life with high moral standards, because they feel like they cant do that or dont want to do that, so they feel threatened and inferior. As long as you are kind to others and dont act self-righteously or rub it in their face that you're better than them, this is entirely THEIR problem! You are doing absolutely nothing wrong.

    As someone who has been a Christian my whole life and very much a "rule follower," I know this feeling very well. I've lost friends over being too nice or too "pure."

    I literally had a friend once who used to tell me all the time that she valued and admired my "innocence" so much (I later discovered this was because she had issues with porn and masturbation her whole life and felt guilty about it). You would think that if she valued that so much about me, that would make her want to spend time with me, right? Nope. She constantly ditched me for our wild friend who was not following God or living with any kind of moral standards, and she opened up to that friend about all kinds of stuff she never opened up to me about. And at the time it was incredibly frustrating. My friends were gravitating toward this other girl so much, even though she was very selfish and not a very kind person or a good friend. But the thing is, it's because my friends didnt want to get rid of their immorality, so they didnt want to hang out with me, because I was a constant reminder of their sin. (This isnt to say that I was literally reminding them about thier sin all the time. I'm not a very judgmental person at all, and I never ever viewed them as less than me or negatively for not living the way I lived. I was just living my life, not demanding anyone else live like me.) When someone is doing something right and you arent, its difficult to be around them, because it constantly reminds you that you arent doing the right thing, and that makes you feel guilty and inferior, even if they arent saying a word about it.

    I know it's tough to deal with, and it really sucks that people cant be more kind and supportive. But you're doing what is right and good for you, so stay strong and dont let society pressure you into conforming to their norms. People dont know what to do with someone who breaks the mold. It freaks them out and challenges them to do the same, and that idea scares them, so they lash out. It's their issue, not yours. You just keep doing you.
     
  13. u376

    u376 Fapstronaut

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    Choose a Midway
    You are sometimes being hard on yourself....
    I am also a bit like you....
    But I don't mind appreciating beauty(girls) around me
    Also I am comfortable in any kind of scene In movies......
    But .... ultimately it's your journey........
    Sacrifices sure pays off.......
    Don't get bother what other say.......
    In a game it's the audience which makes noise......not the player
     
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  14. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    If they don't like who you are and what you stand for, then find people that do.

    You don't like being judged, but you're also judging others.

    They should all treat me better and respect me.
    They should all see the value in what I'm doing.
    They should all become better people.
    They shouldn't pick on me or tease me.
    They should understand what I've gone through more.
    Doing the right thing should be more popular.

    The picture you're painting here is that you're the good guy and they're the bad guys. They're wasting their lives while you're living a higher purpose. They're judgemental and petty while you're the gold standard for what a good person should be. They're trying to bring you down to their level.

    Either confront them about it or move on with your life, but don't act like some sort of fallen misunderstood hero.

    They're just living the way they want to live. Just as you're living the way you want to live.
     
    derivative and 19conquer like this.
  15. Max Fisher

    Max Fisher Fapstronaut

    To play devils advocate it is possible to improve as a way to self righteously set your self apart. It is possible to implicitly judge others by over reacting or behaving outrageously in certain situations. But...if your conscious is clear and your motives are truly good people will know and you will find a good group of friends to validate that. The test is that if EVERYONE finds you intolerable then maybe it isnt exactly all of societies fault they aren't pure enough, you might have a problem.
     
    derivative likes this.
  16. Thats right. Christian or not, most people realize these behaviors are wrong or destructive on some level and they know they should be abstaining. When they see you making a consistent effort to do what they are too week to do they feel guilt and shame and it makes it more difficult to enjoy their debauchery.
     
  17. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    I usually agree with you, man, but I think this is way too harsh. I didnt get that vibe at all. He doesnt seem to be bragging or acting like hes better than anyone. Hes just living his life and they are threatened by that. I dont see how that's his fault.

    And no, they arent just "living the way they live, just like him." They're judging him and picking on him for being different than them. Hes not doing that to them. Hes not picking on them for watching those kinds of movies or whatever, but for some reason they think its warranted to pick on him for not watching them. This isn't a case of both sides being equally rude. Hes not being rude to them, they are being rude to him.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2018
  18. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    I didn't say he was picking on them. I said he's also judging them or else this thread wouldn't exist. If anything, he's being passively aggressive by not confronting them about it and instead ranting about it here.

    They don't agree with his way of life so they tease him for it. Just as the majority here doesn't agree with their way of life and are reacting negatively towards them. Are they really threatened by it or is it simply just funny to them? I like playing with dogs, if I called someone that hates dogs an idiot and laughed in their face, does that mean I'm threatened by their hatred for dogs? Does it mean I'm holding them back from living their best life because I'm jealous and inadequate in some way? Or am I just stating my opinions and being amused by their way of life?

    I'm not on his relatives / friends side nor am I on his side. What I'm saying is that he's not necessarily the good guy and them the bad guys here.
     
    derivative likes this.
  19. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    How is he judging them? Saying that people are being rude to you isnt the same as judging them. I think that's a stretch. Like are people not allowed to recognize when someone is being mean, or else they're being judgemental? That doesnt make any sense to me.

    Hes NOT reacting negatively toward them, though. Hes not on here saying how they should be living better lives and they should be doing what hes doing. Hes simply asking for them to let him live his life how he wants to live. That's not being judgemental.

    That's not even close to being an equivalent situation.

    Also, I pretty clearly said that it's not ALWAYS true that these people are threatened, but I believe it is the case most of the time.

    I disagree. Hes living his life one way, they are living their life another way. He is not judging them for the way they live, but they are judging and making fun of him for the way he lives. I completely fail to see how he and his friends and family are equally in the wrong here.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2018
  20. ivanhoe

    ivanhoe Fapstronaut

    Somehow Shakespeare was able to write some of the greatest plays in English without a graphic sex scene...
    If there is a legitimate reason for violence or nudity in a work of art, that's one thing - but most of what we see today is just gratuitous.
    What we 'entertain' ourselves with is not benign- - it effects us in ways we don't even know. So be careful what you focus your mind on. I am not saying one unexpected scene or a trashy movie once in awhile will 'ruin' us, but constantly filling your mind with trash from mainstream media will make anyone who watches it what they want you to be - a dumb, docile pharma/big agra consuming drone.
     

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